From:
North of Jewfi
sh Creek

Dear Friend & Subscriber,

If you would like to know how plastic surgery helped me become a world-class copywriter, this will be the most exciting message you will ever read.

Here is why:

Years ago, I looked very different than I do now. I was just a smidgen over 6'2" tall. I weighed 170 pounds and my body fat was only 7%. I had "six pack" abs and my stomach was as flat as a washboard. My hair was thick, dark brown... and... in fact... it was almost black. My teeth were near perfect and I had (what would now be called) a "Baywatch Smile".

And, there's another thing: I've never revealed this before... because... it's so personal. In addition to that, as you know, I strive to always be politically correct... and... I struggle to NEVER offend anyone. Plus, on delicate, sensitive matters, I try to "tiptoe" around the subject as much as I can and still get the point across. So, I hope you can understand what I am about to write and not force me to be more explicit. Anyway, what I am trying to tell you in the least offensive and most civilized way possible is...

I Was Hung Like A Horse!

All of this added up to me being a "babe magnet" the likes of which you've never seen. Women would just NOT leave me alone. They would knock on my door in the middle of the night, march into my office (uninvited) in the middle of the day, surprise me by hiding in the back seat of my car, and so on. All of them wanted a piece of me and my... (never mind).

Let's leave it at that: They all wanted a piece of me... and...

They Would Not Leave Me Alone!

This probably sounds like heaven to some guys. But, not me. I wanted to be a serious copywriter! And, you can't be a serious anything if you are constantly fighting off women.

But, I was so passionate about becoming a great writer, it was nothing but a massive interference in my life. So, I started looking for a solution and, finally I found just what I needed: I found a plastic surgeon... who could truly work miracles!

I explained my problem to him and he was very sympathetic. He went to work on me and, it took nearly a year (and almost every cent I had) but, he got the job done. The easiest part was my hair. He thinned it out and used an electronic probe to kill the hair follicles so the hair couldn't grow back. In a very short time, he turned me into...

A Half-Bald Man Who
Looked Like He Would Soon
Lose The Rest Of His Hair!

My height was the toughest problem. He managed to remove several vertebrae from my spine and "compress" the others. This was a tricky and painful procedure but, it was worth it because... now...

I Am Nowhere
Near 6'2" Tall!

And, that lean body and those six-pack abs? He simply put a stop to my fitness workouts and put me on a very high-calorie, high-fat diet. And, guess what? Nowadays, I've still got those six-pack abs... but... they are hidden under pounds of fat and completely invisible.

And, that other part? The part about being hung like a horse? He fixed that too. And now, I'm just "normal" like most other guys.

Net result:

Women Stopped Bothering Me And I
Was Able To Study Like Crazy And I
Did Become A World-Class Writer!

And, what sweet joy it is.

Except for one thing: Remember how I said that plastic surgeon made me normal? Yes, he did make me "normal"... but... he did NOT make me "inadequate".

I think one of my well-meaning friends got confused about this... because... every day I get a boatload of e-mails about how to make the private most part of me thicker and longer. (Note: I wrote "private most part" because I don't think it would be proper to write the word "penis" in this newsletter.)

See how I'm looking out for you?

And, whomever got confused about my "package" seems to be equally confused about all my friends also... because... they too get these e-mail messages. Hundreds of them.

Even My Female Friends Get Them!

For which I apologize. I don't know exactly what happened. I think I must've told my story in a bar one day when I was tired and depressed... and... the sympathetic guy I was talking with took it upon himself to try and help me and all my friends.

But, all's well that ends well. Aside from the minor inconvenience I just described, I have ended up a normal man and a great writer and...

I Will Still Be Giving
Thanks To That Wonderful
Plastic Surgeon To My
Dying Day!

I bet you don't think there's a marketing lesson here, do you? You are VERY wrong.

The story I just told you reveals the seed of perhaps the most important message you will ever learn. You'll understand completely by the end of this letter. But, I'm going to have to "sneak up" on the subject to do it justice.

Listen up: Not long ago I was watching a video of Dickie Betts playing guitar with the Allman Brothers Band. He was scorchingly hot. He got music out of that guitar which was unbelievable. He could practically make the damn thing talk. It was so passionate, so exciting and so skillful, I just couldn't imagine any musician being able to play like that.

So, I talked with my buddy John Carlton about it. John's a great guitar player himself (I HATE him for that; I can't even play a radio!) and he said the secret was simple. The secret is...

10,000 Hours!

When I asked him what he meant, he told me all experienced guitar players are approached by neophytes proudly saying they are learning to play the guitar. John says the experienced guitar players always ask the new guys two questions. One of them is a "trick" question and the other one is the "real" question. Here are the two questions:

Question 1: "Oh yeah. That's great you're learning to play! How many lessons do you take every week?" (or month)
Question 2: "How long do you practice every day?"

When I asked him what he meant, he told me all experienced guitar players are approached by neophytes proudly saying they are learning to play the guitar. John says the experienced guitar players always ask the new guys two questions. One of them is a "trick" question and the other one is the "real" question. Here are the two questions:

The real question... the one that makes all the difference is...

How Long Do You
Practice Every Day?!

You ever see a great magician doing "impossible" card tricks? He (if he had a great mentor) learned... how to do the trick... in less than an hour. But, it probably took him AT LEAST 100 hours of practice... before... he could actually do the trick... with enough skill... to amaze his audience.

Remember some of those great old stars in cowboy and war movies? Audie Murphy (the most decorated soldier in history) was one of those stars. One thing those stars practiced a lot was, drawing a handgun from a holster. And, there was a particular way to fire a handgun called "fanning". That's when you draw your six-shooter, pull the trigger with one hand and "fan" the hammer with the other. Audie Murphy could do this better than anyone else. His secret?

He Went By Himself
To The Malibu Hills And
Practiced Fanning His Six-Shooter
Almost Every Day... For TWO YEARS!

Tiger Woods sure can play great golf, can't he? His secret? He's been practicing his swings, his putts, his "reading the greens" for hours... almost every day... since he was 5 years old.

Larry Bird, the great basketball player from the Boston Celtics has practiced for long hours... mostly alone... almost every day of his entire career.

What do they do to people who MUST learn a foreign language in a VERY short period of time? Like the military or something? They are put in what's called "total immersion" classes for 24-hours per day. English in those classes is NEVER spoken.

I got to thinking about all this. Then, I figured out how long it took me to become as great a copywriter as I am today. The answer surprised me... because... after I pondered on it, I realized the answer is...

10 Years!

That's how long it took me to become a world-class "master" copywriter. But, I could write winners long before the 10-years were up. And, you know what? Unless you are brain dead, I can teach you to be good enough to write winner after winner in a very short period of time. And, that's as good as you need to be. You don't have to be as good as John Carlton, Gary Bencivenga or me. In fact, I think a sane person wouldn't even shoot for that goal. Me and thousands of other golfers have a great time... even though... we'll never be able to play par.

Actually, I think just plain, average copywriters make more money than us masters. You see, we master copywriters are so obsessed with our work, we almost forget the financial side of it.

On the other hand, a more normal guy (someone who is non-obsessed) will write a good ad... and then... exploit the hell out of it and make tons of money. Yet, us "masters" will write a good ad... and then... think about how we could improve the ad (maybe 2% more) or be thinking about headlines for the next ad we are writing. Us "masters" don't stop obsessing about the ad long enough to exploit the hell out of it.

People who are the best in ANY field are OBSESSED! Lance Armstrong never thinks about anything else except winning "Le Tour De France". Tiger Woods... never... thinks about anything but golf. And "master copywriters" never think about anything but copy. Sure, they may have wives, girlfriends, children, pets, hobbies, etc. But, you know what? They may love all of those things... but... they are obsessed with whatever it is they are best at. Everything else they do in their lives is simply...

Marking Time!

Marking time until they can get back to their obsession.

Once, I had an ad completely written and it was world-class. But did I let it go? No. There was one word which didn't seem just right... and.. I spent THREE ENTIRE DAYS... to come up with a single word that seemed a more exact fit.

Dan Kennedy is not a master copywriter. He doesn't claim to be. But he is very, very good. He's just NOT obsessed. And you know what? He has probably single-handedly put more people on the right path to profitable marketing than anyone else alive. Taken as a whole, Dan has probably provided 100 times more financial value to 100 times more people than I have. I'd rather have him taking care of my marketing affairs than I would me. He'd be out there getting the job done while I was "bottle-necking" (hey, I think I just invented a new word!) and agonizing over something already 99% perfect.

You don't have a choice what you become obsessed about. Obsession is not really healthy. It's not necessarily fun... and often... it sucks. I am about to tell you a story I thought I would never reveal because it's too private and too embarrassing. But, it illustrates the point of this letter perfectly and my insane obsession won't let me NOT tell you this story.

Ok, here it is... and... I swear on my mother's grave... it is 100% true.

Some years ago (before Sirian) I was having sex with a woman I not only loved... she was also the most sexually-exciting woman I had ever been with. The foreplay was over and we were right in the middle of "the act"... when... an idea for a headline popped into my head... and...

I Jumped Up From This Woman,
Bounded Out Of Bed And Rushed Over
To The Bedroom Dresser, Scrambled Around
Looking For A Pen And Paper
So I Could Write Down
That Headline!

Then, I sort of "came to" (it was like coming out of a coma) and looked over at a woman who was so absolutely astonished, she was gaga-eyed.

And, this was after that kindly plastic surgeon had finished his work with me and it was very difficult for me to get and keep a woman like the woman lying in my bed looking at me like I had gone insane.

Boy, did I ever start talking fast. I couldn't apologize enough. I told her I felt like I had been possessed by something (that's true) for a few minutes. Fortunately, it worked out OK. Mainly, I think, because...

She Was Too Astonished
To Be Angry!

Do you know the words "Gary Halbert" have value on the pay-per-click search engines? I think I'm currently worth 13. I put my name in "Google" the other day and found several sponsored sites using my name to get traffic to their website. One such website said, "GARY HALBERT TRAINED COPYWRITER." I was talking to John Carlton about this and I said, "Let's see what happens if we search for your name." We did and up came "JOHN CARLTON TRAINED COPYWRITER." (It was the same guy.)

John wrote this guy an e-mail and the site was taken down immediately.

To my knowledge, there has never been a "John Carlton Trained Copywriter". Plenty of guys read his newsletter, hear him speak and go to John's seminars. But, no one has actually apprenticed under John.

Are there any "Gary Halbert Trained Copywriters"? I think in my entire life, there have only been two. And NONE of them want clients. They don't need clients. They make too much money working on their own projects. Anyway, all this has been leading up to something: I am thinking about starting...

The Gary Halbert
School Of Copywriting!

It won't be a written course. It won't be a seminar. It won't be audio or video tapes. Nope. None of that. What it will be is... you will have to come to Miami and work with me for an entire month. You'll live in the same building I live in. It will pretty much be 24/7 intensive. When the 30-days are up, you will be able to write winner after winner. You'll have the most extensive "swipe file" of headlines, bullets, sales letters and print ads in the world. And... before you leave...

You Will Have One
Or More Paying Clients!

You'll have all my connections, all my "secret" business tricks (you'll be astonished when you learn all the things I don't write about) and, unless you are brain dead or lazy beyond belief... you will have a huge income for life!

You will then truly qualify as an "official" Gary Halbert Trained Copywriter. And when a prospective client looking for a copywriter reads my website (which is read by so many people it blew out my "hit counter") YOU will be listed as a "Gary Halbert RECOMMENDED Copywriter"!

Needless to say, you will be learning everything about copywriting I know. We'll also spend time on my boat. Maybe do a little fishing in the Gulf Stream, maybe just cruising around the Intercoastal Waterway, maybe take a side trip to Bimini. But, guess what we will be really focusing on during all this time? It will be nothing other than...

Copywriting!

We'll also take a few days side trip to Costa Rica. If you are in business here in the U.S., there are things and people you need to know about in Costa Rica... which... you will NEVER read about in this or any other newsletter or book.

How big is my "class" going to be? Try this on for size...

One!

One per month. And, it is going to cost a lot. Really a lot. So much, in fact, it will eliminate 99.9% of all people who read this from being able to afford it. I'm sorry. But, this time, I'm giving up my time, my space, my energy, my connections, my knowledge...

EVERYTHING!

If you're married, can you bring your wife? No. She can come visit you on Sundays if you like.

Can you bring your kids or your pets? Absolutely not

What about bringing your cell phone? Yes, that you can bring. But, it will have to remain turned OFF for at least 8 to 10 hours every day.

Can you make payments towards your "schooling"? Nope.

Can you pay for your "schooling" by credit card? Nope.

How much is it for you to attend "The Gary Halbert School of Copywriting"?

$27,000!

Paid in full. Paid in advance. Paid by check. And, no refunds.

Class starts the first week in January and will last, more or less, ONE FULL MONTH.

If you are interested, e-mail me at NoSexGary@aol.com. Put the words "Copywriting School" in the Subject Line of your e-mail (otherwise I might delete it). Be sure to put your phone number in your e-mail so I can call you back. I'm not kidding when I say, do NOT e-mail me or call me if you CANNOT afford this... and afford it NOW! I have no time to fiddle faddle around with "time kickers". I'm the "real" deal so don't contact me unless you are too!

 

  Sincerely,
 
   Gary C. Halbert

P.S.

Remember I said the doctor made me normal... NOT... inadequate? Listen, if you have anything to do with those penis enlargement e-mails, please stop sending them to me right now.

And, stop sending them to all my friends too. Especially my female friends. (It confuses them.)

Peace.

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