North of Jewfish Creek
OK, dammit, I AM
going to put on the free "Patches of Light" seminar!
It's going to be on the 19th, 20th and 21st of
April. That's a Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It's going to be
in Orlando, Florida... so... if you get bored with me, you can
visit Mickey, Minnie, Goofy and their pals.
I'll write more about my "Patches of
Light" seminar at the end of this letter. But now, I want
to talk about Voice Broadcasts (sometimes known as "phone
blasts") and how they might help you make a lot of extra
First, telemarketing has been around for a
long time and it has a deservedly bad reputation. Ask 100
people what they think about telemarketers and those 100
people will say...
But, methinks that's not exactly the case with
this new voice broadcast technology. Here's one example of how
this modern technology can be used. You start with a list of
people who have a common interest in something. Of course, you
have to have the telephone numbers of all these people.
Perhaps this is your own in-house list of your
personal, existing customers. If not, you should know there
are hundreds of mailing lists you can rent in which you not
only get the names and addresses... but also... the telephone
numbers of all the people on that list.
Now listen up: The selection of the list you
are going to use is... by far...
the most important decision you are going to make in this
entire equation. It doesn't matter how well you do everything
else... if... you are working with a tired, exhausted list of
people who have no interest in what you are selling. In fact,
when it comes to marketing, the most important element is always...
How Well You Target
Blue collar, beer-guzzling,
gonna buy your high-priced golf clubs... no matter... how good
your sales pitch is.
OK, let's say you're gonna start with your own
list. Let's say you've got 100,000 people on your list and,
it's been awhile since you have contacted them. You write a
great sales letter and send it to the list. Your mailing is
profitable. It pulls in x%.
Let's see if we can sweeten the pot just a
bit? On the day after you drop your mail, you record a message
something like this:
"Hi, this is John Q. Everett
calling. I just wanted to tell you I mailed you a very
important letter yesterday. It's coming in a yellow envelope
and it has a sample of the kind of bills they are using for
money now in Afghanistan. There's a very interesting story in
the letter about this. And, if you hate the Taliban terrorists
as much as I do, you will really enjoy reading this letter. So
watch for it. Remember, it was mailed yesterday by first-class
mail and it's coming in a yellow envelope. Thanks for hearing
OK, Sweetcheeks, remember how you got x%
response when you mailed
that letter all by itself with no telephone call? Guess
what kind of response you are going to get when you
"enhance" your mailing with
the kind of 30-second
telephone message you just read? Well, instead
of x response... you are going to get...
3 Times x Response!
That's right, Bubba. By using the method I
just told you about, you are going to increase the pull of all
your mailings by approximately 300%!
Here's a couple
of important things:
|These calls are all made during the day.
Not at night as I thought (and told you) a couple
|These calls will terminate
automatically if a live person answers. The message
will only be left on an answering machine or
Actually, you can
have the message delivered if a live person answers... but...
that's not the way I would
Let's explore a different scenario: Let's say
you are mailing to an outside rented list. One that is not
made up of your own customers. Here's how I would change the
| "Hi, this is John Q.
Everett calling. You don't know me but, I mailed you a
very important letter yesterday. It's coming in a
yellow envelope and it has a sample of the kind of
bills they are using for money now in Afghanistan.
There's a very interesting story in the letter about
this. And, if you hate the Taliban terrorists as much
as I do, you will really enjoy reading this letter. So
watch for it. Remember, it was mailed yesterday by
first-class mail and it's coming in a yellow envelope.
Thanks for hearing me out."
Not much of a change was it? The only extra
words I added were: "You don't know me but..."
You know why these are the only words I added?
Because... those are the only words that needed
to be added.
Let's mush on.
Another scenario: This time we're not even
going to make a mailing. We're gonna do it all
with telephone calls! We've rented a mailing list of avid
golfers. We've got their names, addresses and
telephone numbers. Now you send out a telephone blast
something like this:
| "Hi, my name is John Q.
Everett. You don't know me but, I understand you are
an avid golfer just like me. Well, guess what? I just
learned two simple tricks from a one-legged man...
who... in spite of his obvious physical challenge,
plays scratch golf. What he taught me was how
to immediately add 30 to 60 yards on all my tee
shots... plus... he showed me a way to improve my
putting accuracy by 550%. If you'd like to know more
about what he taught me, hit zero on your telephone
right now and you will hear a 4-minute recorded
message that tells you all about this. If you are not
interested, please accept my apology for taking your
This message will only be delivered to
live people (it will terminate if the call is picked up by an
answering machine or voicemail). When you reach a live person
and if he does hit zero, he will hear a 4-minute sales message
about the golfing secrets you have discovered and, how by
giving you some fungolas, he can get the secrets and the
equipment necessary for him to achieve a dramatic improvement
in his golf score.
Here's a neat thing about this: After the guy
listens to your 4-minute recorded pitch (and, it can be
shorter or longer than 4-minutes) he can press another key on
his telephone keypad which will connect him to a live order
taker. Actually, he can do this when the message is over...
or... anytime during the message... even before it's finished.
Or, he can press another key to leave you a
Or, he can press another key which will get
him a fax-on-demand.
And listen, that last message could be
slightly altered so it would work with an answering
machine and voicemail. I'm not going to tell you how to alter
that script to do this... because... if you can't figure it
out for yourself... you are so pig-shit stupid, you should be
working at McDonald's.
Actually, there are so many other ways you can
use this technology, it makes me dizzy. But, don't you ever
forget this: No matter how
dazzling the technology that makes this all work...
It Is The Quality Of The List You
Are Using And The Quality Of Your
Message That Really Determines Whether
Your Marketing Campaign Works... Or... Fails!
Here is a somewhat edited version of the
information one company who offers this technology faxed to
|The Ultimate Marketing System
|Here's how the latest technology will
all your Lead
Generation, Follow up and Customer Interaction:
Create a steady flow of new clients or referrals
by recording a
30-60 second "teaser" voice message about
your product or services.
Then send it outbound automatically
to hundreds of thousands of your prospects' or
clients' answering machines or voicemail. In your
message, invite them to call your private toll-free
phone number to hear a 24-hour FREE recorded message
for more information.
When your prospect or client calls your toll-free
hotline, they will
hear your pre-recorded message giving them more
information and any special offers you may have. After
listening, they will
have the option of pressing "0" to speak
with you directly, or pressing "2" to
leave you a message, or pressing "8" to
receive a fax-on-demand.
Every caller's phone number is captured!
Whether your client or prospect hangs up during
recording or leaves a message on your Automatic
Hotline, the Auto-
Voice Responder will immediately dial back your
captured phone number
and play the proper customized response you've
recorded. This gives you a
second opportunity to present a new or different
offer. After listening,
they have the option of pressing "0" to
speak with you directly, or
pressing "2" to leave you a message, or
to receive a fax-on-demand.
What you have just read is not my
words. It is the words of one of the companies who sell this
technology. Here are some of the other things they have to say
in their literature:
||"Our Customer Support team will
lead you... even drag you... toward the success you've
always dreamed of."
||"We'll initially help you write
2 turn-key campaigns for both Voice Broadcast and your
Automatic Hotline. We'll even record the scripts for
you, so you can start generating business
||"You don't have to be a rocket
scientist to implement it."
||"A turn-key, practical, low
maintenance, inexpensive Business Generating system
which offers MAXIMUM rewards for MINIMUM effort."
(Hmn? Wonder where they got the idea for that
||"This information is delivered
pressure-free with a warm, friendly non-salesy
A thought before I go on: You know the message
for the golf
deal? Well, given my
druthers, that message would be delivered by a golf celebrity.
Like Tiger Woods if I could get him.
Anyhoo, there's much more to know about this
"phone blast" stuff than I can put in this letter.
Plus, I probably got some of it wrong. Like before when I
wrote these calls are made at night... only to find out, they
are really made during the day.
But, I'm pretty sure I've got the gist of it
right. And certainly, I've told you enough for you to know if
you are interested or not.
Personally, I think this could turn out to be
a very sweet deal. Here's how you can find out all
the facts about this exciting new technology. Just contact:
Automatic Response Technologies
154 Avenue Victoria
San Clemente, CA 92672
Sorry I don't have his cell phone number, his beeper number,
the serial number of his palm pilot, his driver's license number, his social
security number, his home address, the name and description of his mistress
(maybe he doesn't even have one), his bank account number, his credit card
number and so forth.
See, I don't know this guy all that well so, you'll just have
to make do with the meager contact information I've given you.
On to other stuff. In my December issue, I offered free
telephone consultations to anyone who wanted one. I've been giving those free
consultations until I'm blue in the face and, according to the feedback I've
been getting, my advice has helped a lot of people immensely.
But, I haven't been able to reach everybody. I have called
some people half a dozen times before I gave up. A few idiots left me their beeper
numbers instead of their telephone numbers.
Anyway, I am now shredding
all the remaining requests I have for free consultations. If you still really
want a free consultation, I'll try to
accommodate you. But, you have to call and make another request and leave one
or more numbers where you are easily
I Won't Make
Calling You Over And Over!
Let's talk about mail delivery in this so-called
"Age-of-Anthrax." Here is the text of a written message from Alice
of Specialized Mailing. (They're great people and their telephone number is
"I, Alice Mishica, PERSONALLY delivered
all of Gary Halbert's domestic,
Canadian, and international newsletters, all weighing exactly 1 oz.,
to the Santa
Ana General Mail Facility at 11:15 am on Saturday, November 10th.
"It takes a woman!"
Alrighty then. I asked my subscribers to fill out a
"Valued Subscriber Contact Form" which (among other things) asked
them to tell me when they received my December newsletter. Out of 100% of the
replies I received within the first 30-days, here's how it broke down:
41% received my newsletter 3-days after it was
15% received my newsletter 4-days after it was
14% received my newsletter 5-days after it was
14% received my newsletter 6-days after it was
5% received my newsletter 7-days after it was
6% received my newsletter 8-days after it was
1% received my newsletter 9-days after it was
1% received my newsletter 10-days after it was
3% received my newsletter 11-days after it was
Know what I think? I think, in this
Direct Mail Is Still The
"Jackpot" Way To Produce Fungolas!
For one thing, as far as competition goes, it has thinned out
the weak (cowardly) members of the herd.
Now, let's go all the way back to the beginning of this
letter. Remember I said, "OK,
dammit, I AM going to put on a free
'Patches of Light' seminar!"? Well, that seminar is, in fact, going
to be free. And like I said, it's going to
be on Friday, Saturday and Sunday the 19th, 20th and 21st of April. And like I
said, it's going to be in Orlando, Florida. And like I said, this is where
Mickey, Minnie, Goofy and their pals live... so... you might want to bring
Mama and let her take the kids to see Mickey and Friends. But one thing I
didn't tell you is...
You Can Bring ALL The Guests You Want!
There is going to be something very
special about this seminar which is going
to make it extremely valuable! (You'll
have to show up to find out.)
Is anybody NOT
welcome? Yep. I do NOT want a
single negative person to attend. I do NOT
want a single "sour-minded" person to attend. Do you have
some ill feelings toward me? Are you pissed at me for some reason? If so...
Do NOT Come!
It's free, but you do have to do one thing to make sure you
can get in. You
have to let us know you are coming and
how many people you
are bringing to the seminar with you... plus...
you have to let us know immediately!
You can either:
||Leave a message on our voicemail
at 305/534-7577 and
ALL this information; or
||You can fax
ALL this info to us at 352/861-1665;
||You can write us (if you do it right
now!) by using the address on the first page of this newsletter.
||(It's up at the top of the letterhead, you dummy.)
See, we've got to know immediately
how many people are coming so we can determine which hotel we should use...
and... what size seminar room we should rent.
Gary C. Halbert
PR Man For
|Hey Man, I really write a bitch of a newsletter,
don't I? (Compare it, for example, to that "package-of-shit"
Joe Polish sends out every month!)
Copyright © 2003 Gary C. Halbert. All Rights