South of Jewfish Creek
Dear Friend &
No chit chat. Instead, we're going to dive
right into our next lesson on "How To Write Killer Copy."
Remember last month how I gave you 80
headlines and, told you to write out those headlines (in your
own handwriting) on 3"x5" index cards? And, how I also told
you to use an el cheapo recorder and a small camera to cheaply
capture more current headlines from magazines and other
I hope you took me to heart and did those
things. You're a dumb bunny if you didn't. Assuming you did
complete this menial chore, I'm here to tell you, you have at
least begun the process of writing copy "The Halbert Way."
Alrighty then, let's assume you have a job of
writing copy to accomplish, either for yourself or a client.
What is the first step you should take?
The answer is easy: The first thing you do is,
take approximately 150 of your "headline cards" and read each
one as you deal them out in front of you, like you would deal
a deck of playing cards.
Can you guess why this is your FIRST step? It
matters not... 'cause... I'm gonna tell ya. The reason you do
this first is...
To Prime Your Mind!
This is a mechanical exercise to get your old
noggin percolating. Pro copywriters don't have time to wait
for inspiration. What pros do is follow mechanical, drone-like
procedures... which literally force... breakthrough
ideas to energize!
Reading, dealing out... and yes... touching
and fondling... those headline cards is a superb way to start
OK, suppose you've done this first step. Your
mind is awake and stimulated... plus... your brain has just
ingested a healthy portion of "killer copywriting nutrients."
What do you do next? The answer is, you do
what I, Sir Gary of Halbert, privately think of as...
"The Suck" is where you take the product or
service you have to write about and examine it from every
conceivable angle. As you do this, you take notes... and...
you number those notes. Take notes on everything
pertinent. Take notes on everything interesting. Take notes on
things that pop into your head (like ideas... random
thoughts... or even questions).
Listen: One of the 10 best business books ever
written is "How To Outfox The Foxes"... which... was written
by a man I greatly admire, Larry Williams. If you are in
business in any way, shape or form and, you haven't read this
book, you are truly missing out on some amazing business
secrets. It is published by CTI publishers and you can get a
copy by calling (619) 756-0421.
Do it. You're a dunce if you don't.
I just finished re-reading that book for maybe
the 7th time... and... this time, I took notes. I'm not
writing an ad for this book (Larry has written an excellent
one himself)... but... I took the notes anyway. I wanted to
come closer to "owning" the incredible secrets it revealed.
And, even though I am not writing an ad about this book, those
notes I took are exactly the same notes I would have taken if
I were, in fact, writing an ad. They were the same notes I
would have written as I would have tried to "suck" every
morsel and nugget of knowledge I could from this invaluable
tool. Some of my "nugget notes" will have meaning only for me.
Others will be immediately understandable and make sense to
In any case, I am herewith going to write all
the notes I "sucked" from "How To Outfox The Foxes" to give
you an idea of what a "Completed Suck" looks like: Off we go!
1. How bad is it?
2. Do you feel honor
bound to pay?
3. Who doesn't get sued?
4. Story of rich guy with
5. Buy a house in Florida
6. More lawyers than...
7. IRS cancer story, p. 2
8. This is a guideline;
an idea sparker to get you thinking
9. Why success is scary
10. Be a shitty target
11. Hah! You are going to
assume the worst case scenario
12. Be willing to walk
13. You own only an option
14. Lawyers should be used
for the intimidation factor
15. Doberman dogs
16. Who can you bring to
17. Have someone who
doesn't owe, offer to pay
18. Get better collection
results by befriending
19. Look like a no-profit
20. Assume the absolute
worst and think it out
21. You will be ripped off
and treated unfairly
22. Threaten to put up
23. Embarrass them into
compliance; write an ad
24. "If payment in full is
not received within 30 days of installation, all product
warranties will be null and void"
25. You gotta give them
26. Have lawyer send copy
of his letter to you
27. Look for a "tell"
28. Like holding a silver
cross in front of a vampire
29. What counts is how
well prepared you are emotionally
30. The tremendous power
that exists in sitting still
31. Paint a picture of how
exhausting and time-consuming it is going to be
32. My how they change...
into a fire-breathing dragon
33. Buzzards: Who do they
34. TRAP THEM!
35. Your job is to
36. If something is
written, no other testimony is allowed
37. The better you
describe, the better your results
38. Snakes in the backyard
39. Ask Theresa about
40. Loophole lawyer expert
41. "The only way I can
feel comfortable about it is if..."
42. Rabbits are ridiculous
43. Life insurance trick
on page 31
44. Dance your way out of
this seemingly-never-ending law
45. Getting outside the
46. Getting down in the
gutter with a person who is basically amoral
47. In most cases, their
ethics are non-existent
48. Hire criminal lawyers
for civil disputes
49. Right or wrong, you
are with the mongrel dogs and, whether you win or lose, you
are going to go home with some fleas
50. One lawyer with a
briefcase can steal more than a thousand thieves with guns
51. The clock and the
calendar create the demise
52. Have Charo deal with
53. Ferret out the
54. Ask the legal
secretaries who work in courthouse
55. Hire best lawyer for
something small so he can't work against you - WHOA!
56. See Michael Milen
stuff on p. 55
57. All it takes to file a
lawsuit is a filing fee
58. (Sorry for the
59. Advertising Genius
Reveals How To Trade Stocks On The Internet
60. You can't remember
61. You make sure the
fishermen against you get no fish by taking the fish out of
62. Everything destroyed
63. Don't chase money you
were "fairly" cheated out of
64. It is easier to create
65. More people end up
hating their law firms than the mate they marry
66. The start is always
starry-eyed and positive
67. If you do not
understand the charges, you cannot be tried
68. A life lived outside
the normal range of caution
69. I realize there are
some strong differences between us regarding _____ and that
shortly we will be filing lawsuits against each other --
suggest to your client -- cc peeps important
70. Lawsuits are the pits
- p. 74
71. Since we don't see
72. No touchable assets
73. Everyone wants to move
toward pleasure and away from pain
74. Build a multi-story
house of pain
75. Imagine how you would
76. At all. Ever.
77. Without a victim there
is no crime
78. It is illegal for
anyone to tell you a bank is going to close
79. You can beat your
chest and complain, but is does no good. Never.
80. The more debt you
have, the worse off you are. To be in debt is to be in
trouble. To be debt-free is one of life's greatest joys.
81. If you want to file,
move as far away as possible from your biggest competitor. (I
have your arena.)
82. I will have to be
altered for your facts, your deal and your state laws. It is,
however, a beginning.
83. A shallow pocket's
84. We are both taking
risks here as we did when we left our homes
85. We could both be wiped
out by unforeseen circumstances
86. What I want to know is
what kind of man you are. I don't want to be in a
game/business with people that should not be there.
87. It tells how much of a
man (player) you are
89. Any communication you
have with a lawyer must be presented to his client
90. Place a loose "time
threat" -- "for one last time"
91. They can envision the
92. Until this lawyer is
out of the deal, we will take no phone calls, write no letters
or move forward in any way (cc: client)
93. Shake hands on it
before you give deal for lawyer to formalize
94. Put down in writing
just the way you want it to be -- then I'll read it and tell
you whether or not I can live with it -- NOTE: Explain you are
exploring other options
95. One step beyond "notes
on the napkin"
96. Garbage lawsuits are
rampant -- Gary Waltershied
97. Arrange to be sued in
a county many miles away and very rural
98. Truth: The perfect
99. Have judgments against
you so a new creditor is too far back in line
100. How To Protect
Yourself Against All Lawyers... Including Your Own
101. To buy Nevada Corp.
102. Bond must read pages
118 and 119
103. Nevada doesn't even
share info with IRS
104. As much as 80% of
estate can be stolen by a sharp lawyer and the government
105. Read about family
partnerships on page 122
106. Creditor may have to
pay taxes on nothing
107. Garlic in front of
108. Call (or visit) Bob
109. Legal Solutions in
110. Read ads in Quest,
P.A.L. Investigations and CDB Infotek for info on asset
searches (ask Charo)
111. Hide money in state
where you don't live
112. Take nothing of value
with you to a creditor's meeting
113. People jump at cash;
it's a "bird-in-the-hand"
114. How To Give Yourself A
115. Hide your tracks
So hey, I bet after reading last month's
headlines... and... this month's "nugget notes"... your beady,
rat-like little mind is starting to wake up, isn't it? If I've
done my job right, your creative juices are beginning to flow
and your mind is beginning to...
Throw Off Sparks!
Aha, I gotcha going, don't I? But... what do
you do with all this creative energy? How do you harness it
and begin to fashion a starting draft of your message?
Back off! Don't be so damn pushy! You'll get
that... in my next issue. But, in the meantime, just
for practice, why don't you get your mitts on a book you
think is valuable... and... do "The Suck" on that book
yourself? Will you? If so...
You'll Be Coming Alive
And Starting To Thrive!
So, I'm hokey. Up yours.
Gary C. Halbert
"Unchanged, Untamed, and Unashamed"
P.S. Last month I offered my readers the chance
to buy my new report called, "Gary Halbert's No Bullshit Guide
On How To Prevent Every Type Of Scum Known To Man From Getting
His Or Her Hands On Any Of Your Hard-Earned Fungolas!" at a
price of $100.00 payable only by check. If you are one of the
lucky people who has read that report, you now know certain
secrets which can be used to make your money and other forms
of wealth virtually bullet proof.
If you don't have much money or wealth,
it really doesn't matter whether you know these secrets or
not. However, if you do have a considerable net worth,
you are an absolute imbecile if you don't spend the lousy 100
bucks needed to obtain this amazing information. I doubt you
will ever find wealth-protecting secrets as powerful as
these in any other publication ever written. If you've got
anything whatsoever worth protecting, spend the measley $100
and order this report. That $100, if you get in a crunch, can
literally save you millions!
To get your copy, just make a check for
$100 payable to me, "Gary Halbert" and send it to the address
at the top of this letter.
And get this... I now have another
report which is...
Outside The Scope Of This Newsletter
Which I Am Also Offering For Mere Pennies!
Here's some background...
One of my best friends, Dave Kekich, has
been paralyzed from the chest down for 21-years due to a freak
occurrence which happened to him in a gym in Redondo Beach,
California. Dave wants his life back and he wants to live
forever. Accordingly, he has made himself a multi-millionaire
and devotes all his energy to health and longevity research.
Some of the secrets he has uncovered are
unknown to nearly 100% of American doctors. I have
participated in this research and, I too, have made some
powerful discoveries. Matter of fact, if you attended one of
my seminars 10 or 15 years ago and, if you saw me now... you
would find I look approximately 20 years younger now...
than I did 15 years ago. This is due to a number of factors
and the genuine discovery of a certain drug (you can get it by
prescription and it's 100% safe) which is the closest thing to
the Fountain of Youth that exists in the world today.
Approximately 30-days from the time you
are reading this, I will be old enough to qualify for Social
Security. In spite of that, my current girlfriend is less than
half my age and I had to show her my driver's license to get
her to believe I really am a "living fossil." Another lady who
attended one of my recent seminars, was having sex with me
three to five times a day on the same days I was giving the
seminar. I'm not going to tell you which seminar it was
because I want to protect her identity. I do not tell you this
to brag or convince you I am some sort of stud. I just want
you to know that since the discovery of several powerful
secrets... especially the aforementioned drug (no, it is not
growth hormone) I seem to be aging backwards.
If you're over 35 years old (hell, even
if you're not) you need to know about all this. It has
literally turned my life around. Maybe all this will stop
working some day... but... for now... I sure am a happy
camper! (So is my girlfriend.)
Want to know all about it? All you gotta
do is send me a mere 97 smackers and you'll get this new
report by return mail. By the way, the title of this new
"How To Slow Down, Stop And Even Reverse
The Aging Process And Regain and Increase
All The Youthful Energy, Vitality And
Sexual Passion You Once Enjoyed!"
Do you have any idea what this is like?
It's like taking a new form of Viagra that affects your
entire body... instead of... a mere six or seven inches of
your anatomy. I kid you not. Order if you're interested.
Copyright © 2002 Gary C. Halbert. All Rights