South of Jewfish Creek
Dear Friend &
Well, here it is Memorial Day and Clinton has
us fighting a war in a country none of us ever heard of and
for reasons none of us can understand.
Damn! I wish there was some way we could get
Monica back on the job!
Whatever. Anyway, let us devote this issue to
you making a lot of money... and... making it fast! You
know usually, when someone asks me what they should do to make
a lot of money, I tell them to do something... they love
doing... and, the money will follow. I still think that's the
best advice... but... right now... I think you should
concentrate very hard on making a lot of money very fast...
You Should Do It
Any Way You Can!
Why? What's the urgency here? It's that Y2K
thing. I'm telling you: Y2K is not going to be just
another "bump-in-the-road." It is going to be majorly
disruptive to the world economy and it's going to scare the
living shit out of millions and millions of people. So, here's
something you need to memorize. Let's call it Halbert Maxim
It Is Hard To Get
People To Spend Money
When They Are Scared Shitless!
Picture this: A guy works for Xerox. Sales are
down dramatically because Brazilians (Brazil is Xerox's second
biggest market) and other big Xerox customers are spending so
much time, money and energy trying to deal with their Y2K
problems, they aren't buying any copy machines and Xerox's
profits are in the crapper. What does Xerox do? Well, first
off, they cut way back on their work force... and... our guy
loses his job. He now joins the ranks of the "scared
He doesn't spend money like he used to. Maybe
he was about to buy a new Ford pickup but, he now decides to
wait. He wants to feel more secure about the future before he
parts with any more of his fungolas than absolutely necessary.
And guess what? Since there are so many people
in the same boat he's in, they also decide not to buy that
Ford pickup or whatever else they were yearning for. So, now
Ford ain't selling many trucks and cars and their sales
and profits go in the toilet. They also decide to cut back on
their work force and thousands and thousands more people lose
their jobs... and... they too join the ranks of the...
They stop spending too. This puts more
companies in hot water who also have to cut back on their work
force, who in turn curtail their spending, which in turn
causes more people to lose their jobs. The cycle accelerates
and... the phenomania of being "scared shitless" spreads
It is going to happen. And, it's gonna
happen real, real soon.
So, I ask myself, "Self, what is the very
best way for my subscribers to make a lot of money really,
really fast... without too much risk... without too much
Can you guess the answer? It's the same answer
that was true 50 years ago. Or 30 years ago. Or 10 years ago.
Or 1 month ago. This answer will still be true next month,
next year... and... throughout much of the next century!
What I'm talking about, of course, is...
Are you serious about making huge wads of
money and making it fast? If so, forget TV infomercials,
forget magazine ads, forget newspapers, forget the Internet...
forget everything... but... direct mail. Listen to me
Fishface: What is the most essential ingredient you must
have to make a ton of moola? The answer is... dum da da dum
A Reachable Pool Of
People Who Are Starving
To Spend Their Money
On Some Particular Thing!
Here is the very most important thing you can
do (must do) if you want to make a direct mail fortune.
If you won't do what I'm about to suggest, stop reading
this letter right now, go to the 'fridge and get yourself a
cold one and sit your sorry fat ass back down in front of the
tube and click on "Baywatch." Best you enjoy your life now
because, I predict you too, will soon be among the ever
growing number of the... scared shitless!
What's that? You say you don't want to be one
of the scared shitless? You say you don't have a sorry
fat ass and you're sick of "Baywatch"?
Alrightythen! You be my main man and here's
what you do first: You whip out your credit card and dial
(847) 375-5000. This will get you through to the corporate
headquarters of "Standard Rate and Data Service" (SRDS)...
and... when you get them on the phone, tell 'em you want to
subscribe to their SRDS Mailing List Catalog. It's updated
bi-monthly and it's gonna set you back nearly $500.00.
Just do it. Bite the bullet and spend the
money. There's no alternative. Do it, you silly little freak.
With me? Good! Now, what you will soon receive
in the mail (and you'll get a new one every other month) is a
big, thick book that describes almost every mailing list on
the market. It'll tell you the size of the list, the source of
the list, a description of the list, how much the unit of sale
was people on the list spent, what they spent it on and how
long ago they spent it.
What I want you to do, as soon as you get the
book, is take 10 or 20 hours out of your life and start
reading those thousands of list descriptions.
You Will Be Amazed!
As you read the descriptions, do the math.
Multiply the number of people on the list by the average unit
of sale. Right now, I'm reading the masterfile list
description of a company called "Select Information Exchange."
Here is the description of that list:
"This is a file of
individuals with an avid interest in financial topics and
investment information. They have purchased (more than half
via credit cards) newsletters and/or financial service
products from SIE (Select Information Exchange) -- the
nation's leading financial subscription agency for over thirty
"This proven file
has been used by a multiplicity of different types of mailers
with a 50% 'continuation' record. Included are banks,
insurance firms, gold and silver coin companies, commodity
trading firms, stock & discount brokerage firms, tax shelters,
oil & gas, business, financial and investment advisory
publications, collectibles, fundraisers, catalogers and credit
card issues - and others.
"Space ads appear in
a variety of media (i.e., Money Magazine, Barrons, Wall Street
Journal, New York Times, Investors Business Daily, Financial
World, Personal Investor, Better Investing). Regarding
libraries, this list has the name of the acquisitions manager
(the individual in charge of book purchasing)."
Let's see now. This masterfile has 2,495,000
names on it and the average unit of sale is $375.00. Lemme
drag out my trusty calculator and see what that comes out to.
Let's see... that's 375 x 2,495,000 which comes to uh... wait
a minute... can that be right? Lemme check that again. By
golly it is right! This is a list of folks who are
extremely passionate about investing... and... have
demonstrated that passion by spending... uh...
Over 935 Million Dollars!
And looky here! We can select them out by all
sorts of ways. The men from the women. The Canadians from the
Americans. The stock buyers from the options buyers from the
bond buyers, the oil stock investors, the traders who buy
low-priced stocks and so on. Hey, and guess what else? We can
even select by what ethnic group we want. If we don't won't
them all, we can say we only want the Chinese people on the
list. Or the French. Or the Germans. Or Irish, Italian,
Japanese, Jewish, Korean, Spanish, Greek, Polish, Scottish,
English, Russian, Arabic, American and slant-eyed dwarfs. (Oh
wait! I'm sorry. The slant-eyed dwarfs are on a different
Amongst the thousands of mailing lists you are
going to be reading about are people who bought cookbooks,
people who bought model cars, sewing supplies, gourmet food,
etc., etc. But, what I want you to be looking for are big
lists of what I call "PWM's" which stands for...
Why? Simply because (if you are offering
something they want) they are the easiest and most profitable
people to sell to. Also, they are the least likely to be among
the scared shitless when the crunch comes. Not only do
you want Players With Money, you want PWM's who have what I
call a "high passion index" about something.
As a general rule, golfers have above average
income and, a certain percentage of them will spend literally
any amount of money to take strokes off their game. Hark unto
me: As you know, my friend Joe Polish has something he calls
the "SuperStar Audio Tape Series" where each month he
interviews some clever person on some aspect of marketing.
Well, one of his most recent interviews was with a guy named
Jeff Paul... and... you've got to have the tape and
transcript of this interview. I think it'll set you back
$14.95 or something like that and you can order it by calling
(602) 858-0008. Once again, don't fight me on this. Just do
it. I'm trying to save your cookies here and you're going to
piss me off if you don't do as I say.
Which reminds me... I always tell women I
think a man should only ask for one thing from a
woman... and... if he gets that, he shouldn't ask for anything
else whatsoever. When they ask me what that one thing is, I am
able to explain it in one word...
It's odd how many women disagree with me on
this. But really, that's truly all I want from a woman, all I
want from the world... and now... it's all I want from you!
Back to the real world. Let me tell you about
Jeff Paul. A little more than a decade ago, he was a Certified
Financial Planner. He was part of a small team that offered
advice and seminars on stuff like estate planning, living
trusts and all sorts of other financial wisdom. The only
problem he and his team had was, they couldn't get clients.
So, Jeff started studying direct marketing. He put what he
learned to work... and... he turned around a practice that was
doing $5,000 to $10,000 a month into a practice that was doing
up to... $150,000 per month. It worked so well, his partners
naturally decided to abandon these crass "National Enquirer"
techniques... and... they elected to go back to using the
dumb-ass, stale, conventional marketing techniques they were
more comfy with.
So, Jeff quit.
He decided to dump his financial planning
career altogether and go full time into direct marketing.
After a year and a half, he had managed to lose everything he
had. He lost his house, he was $100,000 in debt on his credit
cards, had no job, no income and no prospects. Jeff and his
wife Peggy and their three kids ended up in his
sister-in-law's basement living on a couch.
Then he made a little discovery.
As soon as he started to use this discovery,
his business went from a measly $1,000 per month to $13,000.
The second month he went to $26,000. The third month was
$49,000. Now, he has a two million dollar a year
business he runs from a 400 square foot office upstairs over
What did he discover? He discovered the only
thing that matters is your market. He discovered it's the
market that is the whole deal. He says, (and he's right)
"You have to have people who are hungry, people who are
irrational, and I mean literally irrational, that are
passionate, that have money, and they're willing to spend the
money. They have to have a dire sense of urgency, even
desperation about something... and... they have to be
Then he says, "You have to find out what
they want and give it to them." He says if you do this,
"You don't have to fight. There's no battles. No challenges.
There's no mountains and obstacles to overcome. You've made it
easy, you've stacked all the deck in your favor."
Jeff has sold to various markets over the
years. But guess who he's selling to now?
Just what is he selling them? A set of golf
clubs that will help them achieve a lower score. Just how much
are his golf clubs?
$6,000 Per Set!
How does he sell them? With a long copy,
direct mail sales letter. That's right... no pictures... no
brochures... no nothing except copy.
As he points out, you couldn't do this with a
rational market. Golfers are irrational. They'll play in the
rain, the snow, they'll buy books, take lessons and, in
general, I bet they would jump through hoops of fire if they
thought it would take strokes off their game.
So, what you do first is, you get that SRDS
mailing list book and read all those mailing list
descriptions... and... you find yourself a moneyed group of
people who are nutso enough about something to spend
irrational amounts of money on whatever it is.
What next? You find or create a very
expensive product for these people. Listen, since I can
already hear you bitchin' about, "But gee, Gary, I don't
know how to do that," I am going to figure it out for you.
What you are going to sell them is information. If they want
to trade commodities, you are going to provide them with very
expensive info on how to profitably trade commodities. If they
are horny, lonely, affluent males, you are going to offer them
expensive info on how to get women. If they are golfers,
you're going to sell them expensive info on how to play better
Let's do golfers. What's the expensive info
you are going to offer them? Simple. You're going to offer
them a high-priced seminar.
But let's say you know nothing about golf.
What you do is, you find yourself a personal golf pro (or
maybe 5 or 6 golf pros) and you have them give the
seminar. You advertise this seminar in "Investor's Business
Daily"... and... you play up the fact the seminar is so
expensive. Perhaps your headline will read something like
Most Expensive Seminar In
The History Of Golf!
Maybe your lead-in headline (the smaller one
above the main headline) could say:
Would You Be
Pay $15,000 To Improve
Your Golf Game?
Somewhere in the copy you inform the readers
this is a once-in-a-lifetime seminar, it will never be
repeated and only 15 students will be accepted. You make this
a one column by seven inch ad and it will cost you about 700
smackers. You tell them in the ad to call your recorded
message on an 800 number you have set up with ATG
Technologies. You arrange to do this by calling ATG at (800)
775-7790 and be sure to ask for Stacy Skinner.
Your recorded message is short, only a minute
or two long. It reaffirms how unique this seminar is going to
be and tells them to leave their name and address so you can
send them full details about the seminar.
Then, of course, you send them a long copy,
well-written sales letter that entices at least 15 of them to
come to your seminar. Then, you collect $15,000 from each of
them and put on your seminar.
Is this how you make your money? Not at all.
This is how...
You Create Your Product!
See, you video and audio tape the seminar and
create a written transcript of every word on those tapes. Then
you get yourself a good list of golf lunatics... and... you
offer this instructional package by sending out direct mail
sales letters. You offer your readers a bargain. You offer the
seminar tape package at only half ($7,500) of what the
live attendees had to pay.
Let's do some math. Say it cost you about
$300.00 (that's very high) to put together a
first-class video and audio tape package. Let's say it costs
you $600.00 to mail a thousand sales letters to 1,000 golfers.
OK, since you make a gross of $7,200 on every sale, that
You Only Have
One Sale For Every 12,000
Letters You Mail!
Neat formula, huh? Actually, it's a great
formula. But now, I'm gonna give you a magic secret that's
going to skyrocket the profits of this formula. Look,
when you hear Jeff Paul talking about the golf clubs he sells,
you'll hear him telling how his golf clubs really are the best
in the world.
And you know what? I bet they are.
And that's important. It's also important your
golf seminar (or whatever other seminar you put on) be
absolutely first-class... because you're going to sell them in
a unique way. Somewhere, near the end of your sales letter,
you're going to have copy that says something like this:
"Listen, I know
it's hard to believe the tapes a golf seminar could be worth
$7,500. So how can I convince you of this? I've thought about
this a lot and this is what I've come up with. I'm only going
to accept payment for these videos, audios and transcript of
the seminar by check. And, I'm going to insist
you post-date your check a
full 30-days ahead. That way, you'll have over four weeks to
watch the tapes and put those techniques to work every time
you go out to play a round of golf. Then, if everything I say
about these seminar tapes is not true, I will be happy to send
back your uncashed check... or... you can simply stop
payment on it. I've decided to do this because these tapes
really are incredible and, I know you're going to
But wait. Won't this increase your refunds?
Yep, it will. It will probably triple them.
But, this technique will also triple your
Let's do some more math: Let's say you are
averaging about three sales for every 1,000 letters you mail
and you have a refund rate of 10%. OK, you mail 10,000 letters
which fetch you 30 orders. That's 30 times $7,500 or $225,000.
Your mailing will cost you about $6,000 which knocks your take
down to $219,000. Also, you've got to shell out $300 apiece to
create and mail out 30 tapes which costs you another $9,000
which knocks your take down to $210,000. Now, let's factor in
your 10% refund rate. At 10%, you are going to issue a refund
on 3 of those 30 sales. That's $7,500 times 3 or $22,500 which
knocks your take all the way down to $187,500.
Not bad, hey? But now let's do it with the
post-dated check technique. So now, by tripling sales, you
sell 90 sets of tapes instead of 30. But, as I said, your
refund rate will triple also and thus your refund rate will
jump to 30%. That means you'll have to issue a refund to 27 of
those 90 sales. Which leaves you with a net of 63 sales. 63
times $7,500 is $472,500. Your mailout will still cost you the
same $6,000 and that knocks your take down to $466,500. And,
this time, you had to send out 90 sets of tapes at $300 apiece
which comes to $27,000. Subtract that and all you've got left
Without using the post-dated technique, your
profits were $187,500.
With the post-dated check technique, your
profits jump up to $439,500.
That's A Profit
Increase Of 234%!
Will this technique work? Do it right and you
bet your ass it will. Can you do something like this?
It depends on your mindset. If you think you can do it, it
will turn out you are right. If you think you can't do it, it
will also turn out you are right.
Well, there you have it. As complete and
detailed of a wealth-building formula as you will ever find in
any newsletter. Will you do anything with this info? I don't
know. It'll take time, energy, a little money... and...
You got any?
Gary C. Halbert
"Master of Subtlety"
|| Damn it, I'm not getting enough "bitch"
letters. Isn't there something about this issue that offends
you? If so, please write me a detailed letter and tell me all
Trust me, I promise to give your
letter the attention it deserves.
|| There's a guy in England named Stuart
Goldsmith who writes an incredibly good newsletter. His
political slant is slightly to the right of Attila the Hun
but, some of his issues are priceless. There's one he
wrote recently on goals which can transform your life.
Whatever you do, call him and at least buy that one issue. His
number is 011-44-1-189-461-246. His fax is
011-44-1-189-462-505. His e-mail is email@example.com.
His web page is http://www.stuartgoldsmith.com.
Peace. And, don't forget...
Be Nice To The
Copyright © 2003 Gary C. Halbert. All Rights