South of Jewfish Creek
Dear Friend &
The most valuable skill you can have in
today's world... if... you want to become independently
wealthy... is... the ability to write a great sales
No other skill even comes close.
Now, when I say "sales letter" I do
mean conventional direct mail sales letters... but... that
same skill is the one you must have to create a great space
ad, a great TV commercial, a great website, a great telephone
script, etc. It would probably be more accurate to refer to
this skill... as... the ability to write a great sales... message.
If you have the ability to write a great sales
message, you can have all the money you want, all the women
you want, all the fame you want... and... all the fun you
OK, with all that as preamble, I'd like to
say, in my opinion...
There Is Not A Single
Website Designer In The
United States That Knows
What He/She Is Doing!
People who hold themselves out to be website
designers SUCK. They know nothing about how to create sales.
What they do know is, how to get you to spend an
enormous amount of money to have them create for you a
so-called "professional" website that will impress
people with what a "web-savvy" guy you are.
Everything a website designer will do
for you is stupid.
(NOTE: For our purposes, the definition of "stupid"
is "that which hinders sales.") The first sign
(usually) your website designer is a sales idiot is... he will
tell you he knows ways to get your website included in the
"top ten" when somebody uses a search engine to look
for something. What this means is, he knows a lot of ways to
"trick" people to go to your website. This, in turn,
will get you a lot of "visits" or "Hits"
as the pros call them. What "HITS" really stands for
is... "How Idiots Track Success." Often, you'll hear
a not-too-swift website owner say, "I
got 94,000 Hits last week!"
you respond, "how
many sales did you make?"
we can't reveal that," you will hear the person
damn right they can't. Who wants to reveal they got 94,000
hits and three $4.95 sales? Doesn't sound so good when you
look at it that way, does it?
second clue (as if one was needed) your professional website
designer is a stupid ass is, him constructing your site in
such a way... that... it takes forever
to load! He'll put a lot of graphics on your site. A lot
of animation. A lot of color photos. A lot of hard-to-read
text like light purple words against a dark purple background.
here, Truthseeker, when a person goes to your website, they
will be looking for information. Easy-to-access,
easy-to-read, easy-to-understand information. All that other
shit on your site will irritate readers like crazy.
next and last major clue your website designer is a stupid
idiot will be revealed when he tells you how you should promote
your website. Here's the acid test: If he suggests you promote
your website by using the Internet (in any fashion whatsoever)
he's full of it up to his eyeballs.
now, we come to a simple, simple truth...
Can't Be A
Great Website Creator Unless
You Are A Great Copywriter First!
if you ain't a good copywriter, it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to
create a great website. You might be able to create a great-looking
website, a fascinating
website, a website which will get people talking, a website
which will attract media attention... but... unless you are a
Website Won't Sell A Damned Thing!
is the best website creator in the U.S.? What a dumb question!
It's me (of course) you dummy. Ah shit, there you are,
fully aware of all my past copywriting miracles and you're
still wondering, "Is he still really the best? Is he really up-to-date on making
this high-tech Internet stuff work?"
insult me. But, I suppose (sigh) I'll have to prove myself
once again. OK, Buckwheat, here's a little ad I want you to
Free Website Reveals Little-Known Facts About
Most Famous Personal
Ad Ever Written!
In 1985, a man named Gary was
lonely in Los Angeles... so... he decided to write a
It was a full-page ad that ran
in the Valley Edition of a tabloid-sized paper called
"L.A. Weekly"... and... that ad has become
the most famous personal ad in history. The response
was enormous. He received letters, photographs and
even audio tapes from women all over Los Angeles, all
over the United States and all over the world.
The ad was featured on one of the biggest radio
stations in Los Angeles (KABC) five different times!
Several producers wanted to make a movie based
on the ad!
Several other producers wanted to make a TV
series based on the ad!
Several publishers wanted Gary to write a book
based on the ad!
The owners of the now-defunct "Intro"
magazine wanted to hire Gary to write for their
Gary was asked to give an endless series of TV,
and newspaper interviews
based on the ad!
The ad was used in France to teach English to
And so on.
Gary wasn't interested in any of this. All he wanted
was to meet a few special women and put a little spice
and romance into his life.
He got what he wanted and he ended up in a seven-year
relationship with a beautiful redhead.
But, alas, that relationship has ended... and so... he
has written another personal ad. Only this time, it's
on the Internet... and... it's probably safe to say,
you've never read another personal ad quite like this
in your entire life. Some people are saying this man
has created the prototype "template" for how
quality people will meet other quality people in the
first 100-years of the next millennium!
What makes this ad so different? It's impossible to
explain. You'll have to read it for yourself to
understand. You can do so by getting on the Internet
and going to:
Gosh, that's an intriguing little ad, ain't
it? That ad is being used two ways. About 300 of them were
prepared in press release format and have been sent to about
300 newspapers. Also, I am paying to run the ad in
dozens (if not hundreds) of other publications. That little ad
is forcing tens of
thousands of people to go to my website. What happens when
they get there? Well, what they find is a website
so-easy-to-access, so-easy-to-read and
so-easy-to-understand... and... so well-written...
they read every word of the very long copy to be found on that
Try this test: You go to that site (www.semihandsomegary.com)
and you start reading it... and see... if you can stop reading
I bet you can't... because... as a writer...
I'm just too damn good to lose any of my readers once
I've got them started.
Does Your Website
Have This Kind Of Quality?
I bet it doesn't. Also, I bet the website of
your ace "website designer" can't stand up to this
kind of competition either.
But, that is a website designed for personal
reasons. Could I possibly do as well with a website designed
solely for commercial reasons?
Never You Fear My Dear
When Semihandsome Gary Is Here!
Here's another little ad I want you to read.
It has already appeared in Investor's
Business Daily and may appear there again from time to
Free Website Reveals How To Make Huge Profits In Nasdaq
The First 47 Minutes The Market Is Open!
If you trade
Nasdaq stocks, this will be the most important message you
will ever read.
Here is why:
Every morning there is a certain pattern that happens in the
Nasdaq market during the first 47-minutes of trading. When you
understand this pattern, you can buy stocks at approximately
9:07 a.m. (Eastern Standard Time) and sell at approximately
10:17 a.m. (Eastern Standard Time) and, make substantial
Every Single Day The
Market Is Open!
This does not
work with NYSE stocks, AMEX stocks... or... "pink
sheet" or OTC:BB stocks. It is only reliable when you are
trading Nasdaq stocks. You cannot profit from this system
unless you trade online... and... you MUST have the ability to
get a live, up-to-the-minute, "auto-refreshing"
you know how to use these simple tools and, you have the
ability to focus on the market for approximately one hour each
morning, there is no limit to the amount of Nasdaq stock
profits you can make. This means you can get out of bed at
9:00 a.m., watch the market and trade until about 10:47... and
then... go back to sleep a happier and richer person.
By the way,
you also have to watch CNBC from 9:00 a.m. until 9:30 a.m.
when the market opens.
like to know how to do this? It's easy to find out. All you
have to do is go to a free website, read what it says... and
then... you will be ready to start making the most profitable
trades of your life. But, you'd better hurry. This message
will be removed from the website in just a few more days.
Here's the free website address:
This ad was designed to force
the readers to go to another of my websites and when they got there, here is
the message they found:
Welcome To GHLstockalert!
Is A Little-Known Secret
That Can Help You Make Serious
Profits Trading Nasdaq Stocks!
the market has closed for the day and a certain stock closed for the
session with a price of 20 1/8 per share.
imagine, after the market has closed, a sensational news story comes
out about that company whose stock closed today at 20 1/8.
say the FDA has given the company in question approval to market an
amazing new cure for baldness. This
new cure is a simple pill that will grow a full head of hair on a
man's head in less than 30 seconds and there are no harmful side
don't have to guess what is going to happen to the share price of this
company's stock. It is
literally going to skyrocket in price.
this jump in price is going to occur before the market opens tomorrow
morning... and... before you have a chance to buy that stock at
anything approaching the 20 1/8 price where it closed today.
the story comes out, what will happen is thousands and thousands of
people will call their brokers and put in buy orders for Baldness
Cure, Inc. Their brokers will be happy to accommodate them and tell
their customers they will buy the shares "at market" for
them as soon as the market opens tomorrow morning.
in the meantime, all those brokerage houses (who CAN buy stocks before
and after the market opens) will purchase huge blocks of Baldness
Cure, Inc. for their OWN inventory.
And, tomorrow morning, they will open that stock at as high a
price as the market will bear.
say that opening price will be approximately $35.00 per share.
means that many brokers will make as much as $15.00 per share on this
The Very First Minute
Market Is Open!
what will happen to the share price of Baldness Cure, Inc. right after
the open? The answer is
simple: It will PLUNGE downward in price.
An intraday graph of that stock will look like the graph of a
rock that has been thrown off a cliff.
will this happen? Because
all those brokers who made up to $15.00 per share as soon as the
market opened... will now...
"Sell Short" Thousands Of
Of That Stock!
will exert enormous downward pressure on the shares of Baldness Cure,
Inc. Now, imagine Ma
& Pa Kettle who bought 10,000 shares and are watching those shares
drop as much as $7.00 per share... the first few minutes the market is
do they do? They panic!
There goes their retirement money.
There goes the Winnebago and all those vacations they had
planned. They decide to
cut their losses, call their broker and enter an hysterical sell
stock plunges down further. Now,
it's at $26.00 per share... which is down $9.00 from the opening.
all of a sudden it stops falling.
The graph will look like it hit a cement floor, flattened
out... and then... started to go back up.
Why is the price now going up?
Because... all those brokers who sold the stock short...
Now Covering Their "Shorts."
have to do this. You see,
the price of a company's stock is going to go wherever it deserves to
go... and... the brokers can't stop this from happening.
What they can do however, is put up temporary
"toll-booths" and "speed bumps" every inch of the
how do you profit from all this?
Easy, you turn on CNBC about 9:00 a.m. (East Coast Time)
and listen to Marie who will be yelling at your screen from the
bowels of the New York Stock Exchange.
What she will be yelling about is what different stocks will be
doing in "pre-market" Instinet trading.
In this case, she will be yelling about how Baldness Cure, Inc.
will open 15 points up because of FDA approval for their new cure for
don't buy Baldness Cure, Inc. at the open.
You watch it. You
watch it open high at 35 and then watch it plunge down to maybe 26.
Then, you watch the price flatten out and start to go back up.
Is Your Buy Signal
buy shares of Baldness Cure, Inc. and watch as the share price starts
to go back up. Probably
you will be buying at approximately 9:37 East Coast Time.
stock goes up, stutters and then starts to fluctuate.
This is your "SELL" signal... and... it will probably
happen at approximately somewhere between 10:10 a.m. and 10:20 a.m.
East Coast Time.
phenomenon happens every single trading day of the year.
Get a live intraday graph and observe this phenomenon for a few
days... and then... after you've observed it 10 or 20 times, you
should be able to start making profitable trades based on this
phenomenon... every day the market is open!
you have just read is the SECOND best secret for trading Nasdaq
stocks. Is there an even
better secret? Yes, there
is. The best secret of all is to become a subscriber to our
GHLstockalert Announcement List.
So far GHLstockalert has notified it's subscribers of 15
different stock picks... and... every single stock had a substantial
increase in price within 10 days of GHLstockalert making the
no guarantee this will continue to happen.
Past performance is not a guarantee of future results. However, we challenge anyone... to even come close to us...
when it comes to choosing good stocks to buy!
carries no advertising (you will never see a banner ad on our website)
and we NEVER accept money, stock or any other kind of remuneration for
making a buy recommendation.
We Are Completely Independent
And There Is No Charge Whatsoever For
On Our Email Announcement List
trade Nasdaq stocks and you are not signed up as a subscriber to our
GHLstockalert Announcement List, you are truly missing the boat. It's easy to sign up. Just
click below and sign up right now!
Here To Subscribe To The
As you can see, this copy was designed to convince the reader
to sign up as a subscriber to that site... which for reasons I won't go into
here... means mucho fungolas for me. By the way, there is now a different
message on that particular site which is why I reproduced it for you in this
Now, you listen to this: Almost everyone who brags about a
website, brags about the "Hits" they are getting. Not me. Instead of
telling you about how many visits I got, what I want to tell you is...
40% Of The People
Who Visited This Website
Signed Up As Subscribers!
Do you know how exceptional a 40% "conversion" rate
is when you are talking about a website? It's actually maybe... 10,000
times higher... than normal! Why did I get such great results? It's
because of the COPY on the website! It was the COPY... the COPY... the COPY...
OK, enough. I've had my fun. My ranting for this issue is
finished and I'm going to switch to something of a totally different nature.
My biological father died in 1978. He was only 59. He and I
were never really close. However, my Dad had a younger brother named Jack. The
first memory I have in my entire life is that of my Uncle Jack taking me for a
ride on the handlebars of his bicycle. My Uncle Jack is now 73 years old. He
lives down in the Florida Keys with his wife Wanda and they have a super-nice
house. We share the house. He and Wanda have the top of the house and I have
Jack moved to the Keys because of me. Back in the 70's, I
invited him to visit me in Florida, whereupon I took him to Bimini in one of
my first boats, the trusty "Chicken-of-the-Sea." Jack loved Bimini,
loved Florida and especially, loved the Florida Keys. He returned to
"West-By-God-Virginia" just long enough to pack his stuff, move his
family down here to the Keys, and has been living here, happy as a pig-in-shit
ever since. Jack ran a crawfish boat, dabbled in real estate and spent a lot
of time on a floating barge building breakwater jetties in and around the city
of Marathon. This means he spent a lot of time in the sun.
Really a lot.
He developed various skin cancers. Most of them were Basil
Cell cancers which never spread. But, at least one of them on his back was a
Melanoma which was removed in 1996 and covered with a skin graft. They thought
they got it all... but... maybe they didn't.
Anyway, about two months ago, Uncle Jack started losing weight
and feeling listless... so... he went in for a physical. The X-ray showed
spots on his lungs and they scheduled him for an MRI. When the results came
back, the doctor wanted a personal consultation with my uncle and Jack asked
me to go with him.
I did and, when the doctor came into the room, I knew in a
micro-second what the scoop was. The doctor seemed like a good and
compassionate man and it was obvious he didn't want to tell my uncle the news.
But, of course, eventually, he had no other choice. The short of it is, my
Uncle Jack has cancer. In his liver. His kidneys. His adrenals. His pulmonary
system. His stomach. His back. Everywhere.
Jack has not been defeated by this. Nor have I. Uncle Jack
still takes care of his property, does his chores as best he can and he trucks
around with me looking at boats and stuff. He hasn't lost his sense of humor
either. The other day I told him, "Jack,
it could be worse."
"It could be me!"
He cracked up with laughter. (By the way, that's an old Johnny
You know, ever since I can remember, Jack and I have shared a
private, secret, inane joke. It's in the form of a question, "If
your Uncle Jack was on a roof and his ladder fell down, would you help your
Uncle Jack off?"
I know, I know. It's incredibly feeble but, it's something
Jack and I have laughed about ever since I was a kid.
I don't know where this situation will lead but, I intend to
be here for him every step of the journey he needs me.
Oddly, this situation has not depressed me. I don't feel pity
for my Uncle Jack and he doesn't want or need any. He's had a good life, he's
got a slice more of it left and, the fact of the matter is...
We Are All Terminal
It took J.F.K., Jr. perhaps 45-seconds to go from being on top
of the world to the bottom of the sea in a watery grave. It took Christopher
Reeves a micro-second to go from being Superman to being almost totally
paralyzed. If history is any guide, none of us are gonna get out of this
alive. Not only that, for many of us, our visit on this ball of mud is going
to become agonizingly miserable just when we least suspect it.
Uncle Jack's situation has, in a weird way,
"energized" me. I have always had a huge earning capacity but,
mostly, I have squandered that capacity, making only enough money to satisfy
my current needs and whimsies. (Is that a word, "whimsies"?) I'm in
pretty good health (I think, knock on wood) but, the truth is, I could be in a
helluva lot better shape. Plus, I'm not having enough fun. I keep putting
"having fun" off until I complete some new goal or some series of
bullshit chores. Anyhow, I have now made three iron-clad resolutions:
||To Make Really A Lot Of Money And Make It Real
||To Get As Healthy And As Physically Fit As I Can
||To Start Having Some Hard-Core Fun... And...
Having It Right Now!
As far as the fun is concerned, I'm pretty sure my website (www.semihandsomegary.com)
will spice up my life a teensy bit.
As far as getting as healthy and physically fit as I can, I
have rented myself a small office (as a hideaway place to write) which is... right
next door... to the gym where the Nazi Bitch tortures my body.
Finally, as far as making a lot of money... and... making it
fast... I guess I'll just go back to doing it one of the main ways I used to
do it. In other words, now, for the first time in years, I'm going to take on
a few clients so...
|If you need a sales letter or a space ad
written... call me!
|If you need a website designed (I'm
doing one now for Nascar)... call me!
|If you need a telephone consultation...
|If you want to visit me here in Florida
for a person-to-person consultation... call me!
||If you have money and time but no
project... call me! (I've
got some doozies for you to
||Hell, if you're old, rich, terminally
ill and need someone to leave all your fungolas to...
then... you be
sure to call me!
Just call (305) 534-7577 and leave your message for
Roxanne. She'll call you back and set up an appointment call between us (I
refuse to play "telephone tag" any more) and we'll discuss your
project. I'll give you my opinion of its viability, whether or not I think I
can help you and how much my help will cost you.
Think about it. But...
Don't Think About
It Too Long!
Whenever I announce I am taking on clients again, my schedule
fills up real, real fast!
Gary C. Halbert
P.S. I would have
gotten into website marketing earlier... but... I had to wait for Al
Gore to invent the Internet first.
Copyright © 2003 Gary C. Halbert. All Rights