Dear Friend and Subscriber:


     Herein lies the answer to the mysterious Rolls Royce letter.

     In a moment I am going to tell you how that letter performed or perhaps didn't perform.

     But first, I want to say I have never posted a letter for the review of my readers before that was so universally trashed as this one. Most of you decided this letter sucked. One person said: "I think it was a loser because of the continued Self-Reference." And, he said it failed because of "the number of I, I, I..." in the letter. "No-one cares about I. They care about [themselves], so people don't see themselves in the car, they see [me] selling it."

     Another shitweasel wrote: "I think at best it was mediocre, probably a loser. It sounded desperate to me."

     One person who should be taken out and shot, wrote the following:

 

"Because you wrote the letter, it was probably a winner, but it reads like a loser. So my guess is: loser." Why? Let me tell you. While I'm sure the picture of the Rolls Royce is a decent grabber, the beginning of the letter does absolutely nothing to grab my attention. You don't tell me how you got my name and exactly why you're writing me. You attempt to position yourself as a "non salesman," yet it's abundantly clear you're trying to sell me an R.R. Your "not in it for the money" line reeks of horsecrap. It totally makes you sound like a sleazy used car salesman. On a scale of 1-10, your believability factor is about a 2.

Also, if I was a man that had the financial means to purchase a Rolls Royce, the secret "connection" would not appeal to me. I'd be thinking: "So what. What's the big deal? And you didn't create a real sense of intrigue or mystery that would even cause me to pick up the phone.

I think a letter like this would be better if another rich dude just like me wrote me to tell me about this remarkable secret connection for Rolls Royces. There's a certain "kinship" between rich folks... you should know all about that..."


Even if this letter was indeed a loser, you're still the greatest of all time and always will be!!!"

 

 

 

What?

     Another reader writes:

"My take on this particular ad is that it was not successful. The use of the word "cheaply" at the beginning was somewhat of a turn off in my mind. And although the use of the phrase "used car dealer" was in there to distinguish the seller from typical "used car dealers", the picture or vision of that type of salesman immediately came to mind. The final reason I would guess this was not successful was the emphasis on financing. Even a used Rolls would cost a pretty penny, and my belief is that the driver of this class of car would not necessarily need the financing options. The emphasis would be a possible turn off to a potential buyer for whom financing is not a problem. There are plenty of people driving more car than they should be, but I haven't met too many Rolls owners who fall into this category."

 

 

     Women were especially offended by this sales letter. Here is what Ellen, from somewhere, wrote:

 "I don;'t think this letter did well. It has a sleaziness about it and seems somehow not legit. The secret phone business is off-putting.

     That's my pathetic guess."

 

 

     Here's a guy named Randy who is not a woman, but maybe he should be. He said:

 "The letter did not grab me at all. When you stated you wanted to "sell me", just rubbed me the wrong way. I don't know who this person is and why should I trust him? To me, there was no excitement."

 

     Now here's a guy who had a different point of view:

 

"Gary,

I think the letter was a winner.

- It had a picture of a Rolls Royce.
- It talked about a low cost solution into the country.
- It showed an easy way to finance over 4-5 years.
- It shows that the dealer is not greedy.
- It describes how a Rolls is different.
- It describes what it's like owning a Rolls Royce.
- It offers a persuasive price justification when it says it might be cheaper to own a Rolls than the car currently owned.
- It has a non-pushy but solid call to action.
- It uses scarcity by saying that these bargains won't last long.
- The first P.S. talks about the value and longevity of a Rolls.
- It offers curiosity as to why this dealer can sell these cars so cheap. My guess is that the curiosity alone in being able to sell a Rolls cheap would definitely generate some calls.

If this letter was a loser please let me know why."

 

 

     Okay, who was right? That last poor lonely voice in the wilderness that said I did a good job or all the rest of you hurtful shitweasels who take so much glee in attacking poor me so viciously?

     Well, I gotta tell you. We never made a second mailing of that letter. Because... that letter sold out every Rolls Royce he had in stock in three days and every Rolls Royce he could backorder. Now, I will tell you a little secret. There was something I was hiding about those cars that made them a special bargain. They all had right-hand drives. You would think that having a car with a right-hand drive would cause you a lot of problems when driving around the good old United States of America. Well, let me tell you that's not true. I drove one and it took me two minutes to adjust, and none of the other buyers had any problems with the right-hand drive either, and it sure gave a good rationale for selling them cheep.

     Now, you listen up! The story does not end here. Two of my friends and clients in the real estate business were perceptive enough to see the genius of what I have created. So, they have sprang into action and recreated this Rolls Royce buying opportunity. And, not only can they get Rolls cheaply, they can get Bentleys and other exotics. In fact, their British contact secured the Rolls that belonged to the Queen of England.

How About Those Apples?

     Anyway if you would sincerely like to drive what is quite possibly the best car ever manufactured, I want you to speak with a very nice lady who's name is Diane Craig. You can e-mail her at DiCraig@aol.com. E-mail her and tell her you would like to talk about a Rolls Royce. I suggest you do not share with her the abject lunacy that led you to believe that Gary Halbert could write a pathetic loser.

 

  Sincerely,
 
 

Gary C. Halbert

"King of the Road"

 

P.S.

I am going to be publishing my next newsletter soon and it is all about a website I created that it absolutely going apeshit. All you web guys out there are about to learn who really is the website king.

By the way, I just found out I owe almost a half a million dollars in taxes to the IRS. If you've got any work for me, now is the time to hire me and get it done good and fast. I am currently at my best, which means I am better than all the rest.

If you want to hire me, read Modesty Personified, and then shoot me an e-mail.

Peace.

 

Copyright 2005 Gary C. Halbert.  All Rights Reserved.