This issue is for entertainment purposes only. The tactics mentioned in this newsletter are no longer valid.

Dear Friend and Subscriber,

      Nothing is impossible for someone who doesn't know it can't be done.

     A case in point: Once upon a time, there was a very rich man who was getting somewhat long in the tooth. He'd had a long, wonderful life… and… now… he wanted to leave his considerable fortune to his three daughters. They had married well. The rich, old guy had great affection and respect for all three of the gentlemen his daughters had chosen to marry.

     So he boogies on down to the offices of the law firm which handles all the legal details of his business affairs. He tells his attorneys what he wants to do… and… that's when he began to learn the harsh realities of the probate, estate and inheritance laws here in this great land of America. These laws (like many others in the U.S.A.) are flat out insane. But, in truth, the probate laws in our wonderful country… are truly special. They are (naturally) ridiculously complex. But, when you boil them down to their essence, it all amounts to this: Whenever the guy upstairs decides it's time for you to check in the "Check-Out City," the process of transferring your money, property and all other forms of your wealth to your loved ones (or, even to your favorite charities) will involve:

            (A.) A very long and totally ridiculous legal process.

            (B.) Giving a ridiculously high percentage of your wealth to one or more unworthy, scum bag
                   attorneys and…

            (C.) Giving the U.S. Government another ridiculous, unfair and huge chunk of your net worth.

      After his attorneys explained all this to him, the rich, old guy was not a happy camper. Being a God-fearing man, he decided to express his feelings in a Biblical manner. Then, he looked up at this team of high-priced attorneys and spoke thusly…

This Sucketh !


      He then asked if all the laws pertaining to probate could be found in the legal books his attorneys
had in their private law library. They answered him in the affirmative. Then he asked if he could be left alone in the law library for a few hours every day during the coming week. His attorneys (behind his back, of course) rolled their eyes heavenward… but nevertheless… they granted his simple request.

      Hey, what could it hurt? The old man had been a good client for many years. Why shouldn't they humor him?

      And thus, it came to pass, the old man closeted himself in the firm's law library for the better part of a week. After that, he courteously thanked his attorneys and informed them they need not concern themselves with this area of his affairs any longer. The attorneys (sensing a loss of income) tried to dissuade him. But, alas, they could not.

      The old man returned home and went about his business. He decided to throw a huge party to announce his retirement. He invited hundreds of people (including his attorneys) to this gala event. There was wine, food, music, other forms of entertainment, good conversation and, in general, a fine time was had by all who attended. When the party was at its peak, the rich old guy asked the musicians to take a break so he could mount the stage, pick up the microphone and make a few comments. He thanked everybody for coming. He briefly described (with humility) the highlights of the rich, good life with which God had blessed him. He had a wonderful wife, three wonderful daughters, wonderful friends, a wonderful business, and, he had enjoyed excellent health. No man, he said, had been more blessed. The only smudge on his otherwise wonderful life was that…

The Three Men His Daughters
Had Chosen To Marry Were
Crooks, Thieves, And All-Around
Unethical, Dishonest Scum!

      He went on and on about this. The partygoers were astonished. They all thought the old man had respected and even loved the three men his daughters had married. How could he be saying these awful things? In public? At an event where everyone was being video taped?

      From time to time, individuals in the crowd would sneak a peek at the three young men who were being so unfairly depicted. They seemed remarkably composed, as did their wives, (the old man's daughters) during this tirade.

      Anyway, shortly after the old man had had his say, the party seemed to lose its festive atmosphere. All the guests went home… and… no one was surprised when, a few days later, a front page story in the local newspaper… about… how those three, maligned young men were suing the rich old guy for everything he had.

      No one was surprised when they won their lawsuit either. After all, they had hundreds of witnesses… and… even a high quality video tape of all the old guy's libelous and public statements.

      And so, it came to pass that all the old men's wealth was lost in this vicious lawsuit. His three sons-in-laws GOT IT ALL! which, of course, they shared with their wives, whom they loved very dearly. And, believe it or not, they even found a way in their hearts to "forgive" the old man… and… they gave him a generous (very generous) allowance so he could exquisitely enjoy the golden twilight years of his life. And, guess what, his daughters, their husbands and, his grandchildren had all this money and…

Nobody Had To Pay A
Penny In Inheritance Taxes!
Or income taxes!

Or state taxes!

Or capital gains taxes!

Or property taxes!

Or… any other type of taxes whatsoever!

      Why? Simply because, all the money that is won in a lawsuit for damages is always 100% tax-free!

      Bet your attorney never told you that, did he? I wonder why? No, it's probably not because he doesn't want you to know. More likely… it's simply that he's so "brain dead," he has no clue about the significance of this fact.

      But that rich, old man… who didn't know… it was impossible to avoid these unfair probate laws… went ahead and avoided them anyway. Please… let me say it again…

Nothing Is Impossible For A
Person Who Doesn't Know It
Can't Be Done!

      Look, the biggest limitation all of us have is our "mind-set!" Here's an example of how (if you can make a simple "mind-set" change) you can make an ENORMOUS amount of money really, really fast. Let's say you have a direct mail letter that's working. But, not very well, though. Just "limping" along. Or, let's say you have a client who has a direct marketing mail sales letter (or, any other type of direct marketing campaign) that is working… but… only "so so."

      Here's what your do. You go out and get yourself a movie or TV star you can feature in that direct mail letter. In fact, make that star the writer of the letter. Make the letter come from the star. If you do this, the number of orders you (or your client) will get per 1,000 sales letters mailed…

Will Increase Enormously!

But wait! Doesn't the celebrity have to have some connection with what your are selling? Of course not, you dummy. Do you think all those millions of women I got to buy Tova Borgnine's face cream did so because…

They Wanted To Look Like Ernest Borgnine?

Get real.

      However, being able to feature Ernie in their ad was important. Tremendously important. You see, what a star like Ernest Borgnine does for a campaign is… he credentializes it. If you say it's true, why should anyone believe you. Let's face it: Outside your family and friends nobody know YOU from Adam. However, if Ernest Borgnine says it's true… then… for millions of people… it's someone they know saying it's true.

[Note from Bond: One actor and wife he once worked with] are "nightmare people" to work with. I remember one day… when… in a violent rage, [well known actor] ripped 17 phones out of the walls of his home. On that occasion, [an associate] and I had to bribe some poor young woman (lets call her Miss No Self-Esteem) to take the blame and tell the phone company she did it.

      Well, that night, Mama Jo calls me and we get to chatting and, she (my very own mother) tells me what a nice guy [well known actor] is, and how lucky I am to be working with him. She's never really met him, of course… but… she had seen him on TV and in the movies… therefore… she felt she knew him well.

      Why spoil her fantasy? "Yes mom, he sure is a nice guy: It's a privilege to know him."
(NOTE? Actually, I do like [well known actor]. He might be a little on the hot-tempered side… but… you'll never have to wonder where he's coming from.)

      Forgive me, I digress. Let's get down to brass tacks. Let's say you've got a diet product and, a blind country music singer you can use as your celebrity. How would you handle that? Well, here's how one copywriter (the world's best) recently did it:

Dear Friend:

     If you need to lose weight, this will be the most exciting message you will ever read.

     Here is why. My name is Ronnie Milsap and I have been in show business (country music) for more than 30 years. Perhaps you've heard some of my records such as "Lost In The 50's Tonight." "Any Day Now." "Stranger Things Have Happened" or, any of the other 127 songs I have recorded on 31 different albums.

     However, the reason I'm writing to you is not about country music or show business. In fact. the only reason I even mention my career is because… I have learned… everybody in show business is concerned with their looks, their health, and especially their weight. And, it seems to me, so is almost everyone else in America. That's why I am very happy to tell you about an exciting new diet discovery that works like crazy for everybody who know about it.

Here's the story: yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta.

Yahta, Yahta, Yahta,
Yahta, Yahta, Yahta,
Yahta, Yahta!

Yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,

yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta.

Yahta, Yahta, Yahta, Yahta!

Yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta.

Yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,

Yahta, Yahta, Yahta,Yahta,
Yahta, Yahta, Yahta, Yahta!

Yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta,
yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta.

     Look, it may not be fair… but… I've been told… in America… people are judged more by how they look than anything else.

     That is not the way I judge people. I don't care at all how people look. You see, I was born blind and therefore, I have a different way of judging people. What I care about is how people are on the inside, about how they make me feel when I hear their voice or touch their skin.

     Maybe I can't see a person's face or body… but… I bet I can see their "soul" just as good as anyone else. Actually, because I'm blind, sometimes I think maybe I can see someone's real soul even better than a sighted person.

     I guess that's not the way it is with most people, since obviously, most people are not born blind. However, being blind has something in common with being overweight… and… that's why I want to help you if you have a weight problem. (By the way, you should know I'm not getting paid a penny to help spread the word about this amazing new weight-loss miracle.)

     Anyway, what does being blind have in common with being overweight? Well, when people find out you are blind, their first reactions is one of pity. They have a strange reluctance to get close to you. It's like maybe they are afraid blindness is "contagious." Often, sighted people think a blind person is somehow defective and they are uncomfortable around them.

     That's the way people used to feel around me. Not anymore. You see, I have been blessed with a God-given talent and, when people experience my music… they not only hear my voice… they can also finally "see" my soul.

     Overweight people have a similar problem. People can't see what's inside them. They only see the outside and, whether they say it or not, many people just don't want to be around someone who is overweight. Well, after this letter, people will be able to see you because…

You Are Going To Have
A New And Exciting Way
To Burn Off Body Fat…
Hour-By-Hour!

     It's easy to order. All you have to do is have your credit card ready and pick up your phone and dial…

1-800-000-0000

You know what you will hear when you dial that number? You'll get an answering machine that has my voice on it. Why? Because… there is one more GREAT THING about this Amazing High-Speed Weight-Loss Program… which… for personal reasons, I didn't want to put in this newspaper ad. It only takes me 1-1/2 minutes (90 seconds) to tell you this last great secret… and… after that, a friend of mine will pick up the phone, take your order and answer only questions you may have.

     So, call now. You'll be glad you did.

     Sincerely,

     

 

Ronnie Milsap

P.S. Yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta, yahta.

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

     

  
     
        
 
<--------Selling
              copy

              about

               weight

              loss
              product
 
 

<--------Selling

              copy

              about
              weight
               loss
              product.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 




      BUT, WAIT A MINUTE! You couldn't get a star like Ronnie Milsap to be in one of your letters could you? Wow, he'd be way too expensive, right? Not true. In fact, in this case Ronnie is doing it for free. Why? Simply because he likes the product and the people who are selling it.

      But most celebs are not going to do it free. You will have to pay to get them. But, in many cases, not nearly as much as you might think. Remember, 98% of all movie and TV stars… can't pay their rent…from what they make from their acting careers. But…

It's Not The Money That's
Stopping You… It's Your
Screwed-Up Mind-Set!

      How could you… little plain nobody you ever hope to work with a… a… a… a movie star?
Impossible! Shit man, all you've got to offer them is some money. And you… you are nobody…
DON'T YOU EVERY FORGET THAT!

BULLSHIT!

      It's not your bank account that's important, it's your balls. Tell you what: If you believe you are unworthy of working with a celebrity… you are right!

      And, if you believe you are worthy of working with a celebrity… YOU ARE ALSO RIGHT!

      It's all in your head, Bubba… it's all in your head.

Sincerely,


  Sincerely,  
   
  Gary C. Halbert  

 

      PS:

      I know, I know. I've written about this business of using a celebrity to pump up your profits       before. However, way too few of my readers have actually done it. So, I'm hoping maybe the       approach I used in this letter will give you enough of a kick in the ass to get you going. If it does,       you still know how to contact and deal with a celebrity. Well, don't let that stop you… because…       as some of my readers already know, I have written a newsletter/special report that reveals       exactly, step-by-step how you can get a celebrity to help you make an enormous amount of extra       fungolas.

      If you don't already have a copy of this report, call my office at 1-800-000-0000 and we'll send it       to you free.

      Now, what's your excuse, you dingbat?

      Peace


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Copyright 2008 Gary C. Halbert.  All Rights Reserved.