Gary's Portrait

From:

Los Angeles, California

Friday, 4:05 P.M.

June 5, 1987

Dear friend and subscriber,
 
Let's talk about sex.
 

A few years ago I was browsing in a Studio City bookstore when the devil made me pick up a girlie magazine called High Society. The devil then further directed my attention to the middle of the magazine whereupon he forced me to examine the centerfold of the month in minute detail.

Thank God for the devil.

Anyway, there she was, all spread out in her nude, nubile glory, beckoning me to feast my eyes on every square inch of her lush, wanton, young body. But that's not all she was beckoning me to do. No, Sir! She was also beckoning me to call her at a special number so I could hear her passionately profess how much she wanted my body.

And so I did.

And so did a few other people. In fact, if my info is correct, some of those centerfold ladies receive...

500,000 Calls Per Day!

Whooee! That's a lot of heavy breathing, ain't it? But, so what? What ramifications, if any, does this have to do with our marketing efforts?

Plenty. Just wait. Now listen, do you know how this business of 976 numbers works? It's sort of like this: What you do is you go to Ma Bell and tell her you want to have some 976 numbers. Then you arrange to buy or lease some phone answering equipment. All this will cost you a few thou. O.K., after you've got all this in place, what you do is you run ads or mail letters or somehow entice people to call your 976 number to hear a recorded message.

The numbers go something like this: First, the customer (he who does the dialing) must pay his normal phone charges. What this means is that if your 976 number is located in the 212 area code and he is calling from area code 213, then he must pay a long distance toll charge. However, if he is calling from the same area code, there is, of course, no long distance charge.

Furthermore, he must also pay a fee (usually about $2.00) for the privilege of listening to the info on the 976 recorded message.

And what happens to this $2.00 fee? Aha, I thought you'd never ask. Hear this: The fee is collected by Ma Bell (it is added to the caller's phone bill) and Ma keeps about $.50 of it and sends the rest (about $1.50) to you!

Getting interesting, isn't it?

Let us press on. Remember that centerfold girl who invited me to call her so she could tell me how hot she was for my bod? Do you know that what she told me after her recorded message got me all hot and bothered? Well, listen to this! What she told me at the end of her recording is that, if I wanted to talk to her live and, if I had a credit card, I could call another number and would have the hottest conversation of my life!

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

Hold on, all ye who would think ill of me. I'm not getting excited about all that heavy breathing; I'm getting excited about those numbers!

Let's see now, if some of those centerfold girls get 500,000 calls per day, that's uh, about 750,000.00 to he who owns the 976 numbers. And I wonder how many of those people with credit cards get excited enough to call and talk to a live girl? What do you think? 20%? 10%? 5%? Naw. That seems too high to me. Let's base our numbers on a 1% "conversion".

So, 1% of 500,000 is 5,000. Right? And what does it cost a credit card holder to listen to a real life girl talk dirty? Well, according to my informants, it's about $35.00 for 15 minutes. And how much is $35.00 times 5,000 callers? Check it out. It seems to me it's another

$175,000.00!

By now, I bet you want to know more about this 976 business, don't you? But you're probably just like me. In other words, even though you'd like to know how to apply all this to your own efforts, you don't want to call one of those "dial-a-porn" numbers by mistake, now do you? And so, as a public service, I, Sir Gary of Halbert, am hereby providing a list of numbers in the 213 area code you must avoid dialing at all cost. Therefore, no matter what, I implore you....

Do Not Call These Numbers!

Live Sex Talk 976-1133

Live Oral Excitement 976-6400

Gabrielle's Candy Store 976-5477

Hi Baby 976-5683

Sex Soap Opera 976/4277

Pick Your Pleasure (1-6) 976-8800

Live Domination/S&M 976-9447

Let Me Please You 976-0200

Love Line 976-9944

Adult Fantasy 976-8887

Or These Either!

Love Story Serial 976-6622

Adult Fantasies 976-5511

Love Story Serial #2 976-GLOW
 
Fantasies Come True 976-7399
 
A Beautiful Lady 976-7729
 
The Ultimate Male Fantasy976-8665
 
Adult Connection 976-1122
 
Leave Your Own Sex Ad 976-LUVV
 
Live Fantasy 976-5551
 
Adult Film Stars Live 976-9111

 

And Especially Not These!

Adult Bulletin Board 976-6600

Real Live Phone Sex 976-6644

The Beach Girls 976-0404

Self-Explanatory 976-SLUT

Talk with Young Actors 976-4323

Gay Talk Line 976-BARS

Live Phone Sex 976-DOIT

Talk with Young Hunks 976-7742

 

Remember.... You Have Been Warned!

Whew! I'm glad that's out of the way! Anyway, now that we know what not to do, how can we cash in on this 976 business for our own, more respectable business endeavors?

Hmn? How about this?

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Copyright
© 1987 Gary C. Halbert. All Rights Reserved

   
 

 

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