North of Jewfish Creek
Dear Friend & Subscriber,
Not that you should care... but... I no
longer have a woman in my life.
I'm terrible with women. In spite of my
advanced years, there have been very few members of the
opposite sex with whom I've had a "serious" or even
They've all gone bad. And, it was
never my fault. Not even a little bit. It was always
"them" who ruined everything.
The last one, the one that just ended was
with a lady who is blond, pretty, slim, (she exercises like a
fiend) and extremely intelligent. An upstate and a
"city" New Yorker. A graduate from Syracuse University with a
bachelor's in psychology and a master's in special education.
Worked with abused children for about eight years until she
couldn't handle it anymore. Loves classical music, got me to
love it too. Was delighted when I called her on my cell phone
from Pavoratti's magnificent concert here in Miami Beach. She
wasn't home but, when she got back to her apartment... there
was Luciano himself singing live on her answering
Sadly, this woman (even after a full
year of exposure to me) has not found it within her to
accept the simple and obvious truth that Gary Halbert is "the
man who should always get his way."
The last "sort of" love of my life (before
the aforementioned bull-headed pit viper) was a young southern
girl who was beautiful inside and out. I remember when I
brought her back to Key West how she sat on the plane in her
little southern dress, wearing a funny, little southern hat...
and... reading her Bible all the way to make sure God wouldn't
let the plane go down.
Truly special. She had a "sweetness of
soul" and a "goodness" which I've only seen in one other
woman. (Paulette Teta.) She was as slender and pretty as a
flower. I say "was" because she was murdered about a month
ago. Stabbed 14 times in one of the most hideous acts of
violence of this decade. But, of course, the guy who did it
was not O.J., Sherry Pierce was not Nicole Simpson, and so, I
guess this "Life Interrupted" (at age 29) was of
comparatively little consequence.
Not to those of us who were blessed by
knowing her, though.
And then there's Paulette herself who is
now married to an Episcopalian priest. How can that be? How
could any woman abandon me, a gentle man of tact and delicacy
for what I would assume to be a blunt, mean-spirited and
socially indelicate man of the cloth? Actually, I'd bet just
about anything he is, in fact, a wonderful man. He'd
just about have to be to capture the heart and soul of someone
as special as Paulette.
Congratulations to the both of you. I mean
that from the bottom of my heart. Go with God and never cease
to value and cherish each other.
Then there was Nancy, Loretta, Arlene,
Christine and all the others who didn't deserve me. It's all
so unfair. Therefore, I've made the only intelligent decision
I can think of... which is...
I'm Finished With
I've decided to become a pro at self-pity.
I love to feel sorry for myself. And fortunately, I've found
some help with this. I've come across a book which has become
my personal Bible. It's called...
Meditations For Miserable People
(Who Want To Stay That Way)
This book helps me stay centered on the
true nature of my being. It contains invaluable insights which
I now totally embrace. They have become so much a part of me
now, that these thoughts pop up automatically anytime I start
to get off base:
If I let go of the feelings which cause me pain, I would have
no feelings at all.
When God shuts the door, He opens a window... then pisses out
of it onto my life.
I deserve true love... even if it costs me $3.99 a minute.
The first step in finding God is accepting His presence and
the fact He's just ignoring me.
If I am honest with myself, loneliness and despair are easily
(Here's my favorite): A new day can begin to suck at
any time... like right now, for instance.
Life is best measured one miserable failure at a time.
Jealousy is wanting what others have. Stupidity is thinking I
might one day get it.
I have no "significant other" because I myself am
By writing my fears down on paper I will see not only I am
afraid of everything but I also have bad penmanship.
Life isn't over when we die... it's pretty much over right
Opportunity is nothing more than discovering a new way to
Everyone makes mistakes, especially the people who think I
have a life.
Painful feelings don't last forever. They're simply replaced
by more painful feelings.
God isn't saving the best for last, He's saving it for someone
other than me.
The ending of one failure is nothing more than the beginning
Inside every problem lies the seeds to even more problems.
Being willing to ask for help is the first step in realizing
no one wants to help a loser like me.
And so on. There is much more truth and
wisdom in this book. I highly recommend it. It was
written by Dan Goodman, published by St. Martin's Paperbacks,
costs only $7.99 and it's in all the big bookstores. Get it.
It can help you be more like me! By the way, the final
page in this wonderful, little guide to life offers up a true
gem. Here are the words I now live by:
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know
I really can't do either."
Enough nourishment for the soul. Let's talk
about business. One of my clients is Phillips Publishing. As
far as I can tell, they have every really great copywriter in
the U.S. already working for them. That means they have all
six or eight of us.
Writing for Phillips requires every ounce
of skill, concentration and judgment a copywriter can possess.
Just the research alone for one of their projects can take up
to 500 hours. Beyond that, whomever is doing the research
needs to be skilled on what to research.
How does Phillips get these great
copywriters? Simple: They pay more than any other company in
the U.S. At Phillips, nobody makes as much money as the
copywriters except the owner, Tom Phillips. This is as it
should be. And, you know what's funny? Phillips is eager and
willing to find copywriters they can pay $1,000,000 per year
But it seems there are hardly any left.
These days, the task is not to find any more great
copywriters. No, now the task is to find someone
(anyone) who can maybe be taught to become one and...
To Do The Amount Of
Work That's Required!
Different copywriters work in different
ways. One of the best, John Carlton, always starts by writing
the "bullets" first. After that, he then goes on to writing
the headline, subhead, body copy and ordering instructions.
"Bullets" are extremely important. They are the little one or
two line "teaser" statements about whatever it is the
copywriter is trying to sell you.
OK, now that I've reminded you of the
importance of "bulletizing", I've got a very important
observation to share with you. Did you see the movie Jurassic
Park? The guy who wrote it wrote an earlier book titled
Congo which I've just started to read. (By the way, it's a
"can't-put-it-downer".) Anyway, the book is populated with
several really top level researchers who have I.Q.'s reaching
to the stars. These people compete for grant money to fund
their research projects. One of the characters in the book is
especially adept at getting grants.
Yes, he is brilliant and doing important
research. But, so are the other scientists competing against
him for their funds. Why does he get chosen so often over the
others? Simply, because he is obsessed with his
project. Here's a quote from the book:
difficult to tell who is the more brilliant but we look for
something more important: We look for who is the most
That's a point so valid, you should never
forget it. Years ago, I was driven. I was obsessed with
becoming the best advertising copywriter in the world. Whether
or not I succeeded is beside the point. What's germane is what
I did in furtherance of this noble goal: (1) I ignored my
wife, (2) I ignored my children, (3) I wrote advertising
during the day, (4) I studied advertising in the evening and
I Dreamt About
It At Night!
Would you like to be good enough to write
for Phillips or some other company which would be happy to pay
you a million or more every year? Or, do it yourself so you
can pay yourself a huge pile of money?
Let's see if you've got what it takes.
Go get five hundred 3x5 index cards. Go to
a big newsstand and get dozens of magazines. (If you're
strapped for money, you can do this in a library for free.)
Only get those magazines with lots of teaser copy ("bullets")
on the covers. Cosmopolitan is just about tops when it
comes to this. Write one bullet on each index card. Try to
pick out only really "Hot Bullets." Keep at it until you have
500 cards with 500 bullets. Then, make a copy of all those 500
cards and send them to me.
What will you get if you do this? Most
importantly, you'll get a neurological imprint of writing good
bullets. Secondly, you'll get mentioned in this newsletter as
someone who is "willing to pay the price." Thirdly, if, in
addition to being willing to also pay the price, you also have
(or later develop) some talent in writing complete
marketing packages, there's a chance I'll give your name to
one of the legions of people who call me to see if I can
recommend a good copywriter.
But, the real payoff is what you'll be
giving yourself by the simple act of doing it.
Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts.
But, how do you recognize a "Hot Bullet"?
Well, until you get some experience, it is somewhat
subjective. However, here's some help: What follows is a
collection of bullets on different subjects. Each of these was
written by John Carlton and nobody is better at "bulletizing"
than him. Study John's work. Start by writing each of these
bullets on a separate 3x5 index card. Then, when you "have the
feel" for it, you go out to the magazine stand or library and
do whatever's necessary until you've got 500 more.
Sucks, doesn't it? Can't say as I blame you
if you don't want to be bothered with this... but... just in
case you've got the stuff, here's John's bullets to get you
The 58 most important questions you need to ask
yourself before you can really start to pile up the
profits in your business!
The 7-step formula that even an illiterate drop-out can
use to write advertising copy 100 times more potent
than the best Madison Avenue ad agency!
How the 3 Basic Elements found in every single successful
(multi-million dollar) television infomercial can also be used
to boost the profitability of your newspaper ads!
Why your "back end" may be 1,000 times more profitable
than your initial sale... and what to do to take advantage of
Tips from trouble-shooting experts on how to spot
problems hurting your business and the triple-step technique
they use to solve them fast!
The 10 easiest markets "rookie" copywriters can tap for
maximum profit with minimum risk!
"Insider" tips from the world's savviest (and richest)
businessmen on how to shortcut your way to obscene
riches and success!
A truly "no brainer" (yet usually overlooked) way to bump the
amount of your average order by 100% or more...
The absolutely essential First 3 Things you must do
before you attempt to sell anything to anyone!
How to find -- without spending a red cent -- the
perfect magazines and newspapers (with the most rabid and
eager-to-buy readers) to run your ads in all over the world!
Why you're already sitting on the best possible "bonus" you
could ever offer -- and how to use it to make your sales soar!
20 Guaranteed Ways to increase readership and response
to your sales letters and ads... without touching your current
The single most important element of any sales message... and
how to exploit it for maximum sales!
The Real Reason people choose to buy anything -- the secret
truth long known by master salesmen, sociologists and "con
men" finally revealed!
How to put on your own seminars without nightmares...
including how much to charge, how to structure the daily
sessions, and how to write the all-important sales letter that
puts the fannies in the seats!
Exact word-for-word samples of sales letters that
brought in millions... and how to adapt those same letters for
your own business!
Tested appeals and "grabbers" that guarantee readership... and
tested "closers" that almost force people to send you money!
Why having money or a nice car is 100% irrelevant to having a
great love-life! (And the 3 "basics" that are relevant, but
ignored by nearly every lonely guy!)
How to "read" the signals of women who are dying to date you
right now! (They think they're being obvious, but I'll bet
you're blind to these signals. Just learning this one secret
-- how to "read" women -- will boost your "romance potential"
through the roof!)
Proven ways to get women to initiate "accidental" dates that
How to easily "position" yourself so women actually compete
for your attention!
How to turn everyday items in your pocket (or your wife's
purse) into vicious weapons that will (1) show you mean
business, (2) instantly frighten anyone with an ounce of
common sense, and (3) allow you to dominate any situation with
a single blow!
How to maintain the "right" kind of peak sexual energy
that excites women! (Most guys worry -- unnecessarily
-- about "performance"... but you won't, anymore!)
The one huge mistake all inexperienced fighters make in their
head that guarantees they will be turned into victims... and
how to "parlay" it into an advantage that will give YOU an
instant 200% increase in your chances of winning -- even if it's your first fight ever!
Why your weight, strength, speed and agility are the least
important parts of winning a street altercation! (And why the
one simple secret that is important will give you an immediate
and enormous advantage over any other fighter you meet!)
How to automatically avoid the blunders that get even
nationally-ranked karate masters demolished in street fights!
(It's called "Stress Shock Phenomenon", and once you've stored
this knowledge in your nervous system, you'll never "freeze
up" or panic when your adrenaline starts to flow and the dirt
hits the fan! Yet there isn't a karate studio in the country
that knows how to teach this crucial part of winning fights!)
Why your fist may be the absolute worst weapon you can use in
hand-to-hand combat! (And exactly how to strike so you won't
damage any part of yourself!)
Simple fight-ending moves that require no strength whatsoever!
(I know of arthritic 80-year-old grandmothers who have knocked
young male attackers senseless!)
The "voice tool" that will immediately change your attitude
from calm to dominant in any surprise situation!
How to use a little-known "positioning secret" to completely
cancel out the superior size or experience of your
attacker! (Size and strength are meaningless when you know
Why a simple "mock" submissive action will always fool a
larger opponent... and set him up for quick, easy fight-ending
How to gain an immediate "Psychological Edge" when someone
pulls a knife on you... and how to spot the 4 most common
methods of knife attacks so you can win with a minimum of fuss
How to "set up" the perfect sexual encounter with your lover
The clumsy mistakes 90% of all men make during
lovemaking... and how to quickly learn the "inside" secrets of
the most satisfied 10%!
The NUMBER ONE rule that absolutely must be observed for women
to have a truly mind-blowing orgasm!
The secret "reward" for men who give their women the "fuel"
for feeling in love all day long, every day! (Not one man in a
thousand understands this "fail-safe" secret of excruciating
happiness... and those who do almost never share it with even
their closest friends!)
How to guarantee every thought your lover has of you is
super-charged with pleasure, excitement and white-hot anticipation!
The 20-minute secret that can turn your sex life around
overnight! (It's so simple, you'll kick yourself for not
having thought of it yourself!)
How to "touch" a woman to guarantee mind-altering sex... a
technique so simple it's astonishing that nearly 3/4's of all
women never learn it themselves!
Why smart men know how a simple "secret"
non-sexual act at
home can -- when handled correctly -- take on the "charged"
quality of a warm, sexually-satisfying feeling for many women!
(It's so simple it's almost like "cheating"!)
The specific secrets of "over the top" fabulous sexual
technique! (Have you ever "blacked out" from pure sexual
What women really want from a man! (Nine out of ten men
are absolutely floored by this secret!)
The amazing reason why Prozac is so popular in this country!
(Almost no one understands the startling sexual implications!)
How to start having explosive sex tonight... with the
basics of great, world-class love techniques!
The secret of finding the most efficient aerobic program for
burning off fat with your specific body type! (Leo researched
for 7 months with professional bodybuilding stars in the U.S.
and Germany to discover the key to this "inside" secret!)
Details of the all-new "Eat Everything You Love"
frightened the professionals... until they saw Leo change into
the leanest, meanest muscleman they'd ever seen! (It's the
easiest, yet most potent diet you've ever seen... one you can
live on happily for the rest of your life! Leo was gobbling
banana milkshakes, carrot cake, soda pop, ice cream and "Mama
Juanita's" super-grande burritos on "carb-days" throughout his
Why the "experts" you read about in the muscle mags are just
dead-wrong in much of their training advice for you for
maximum growth! (Even though a technique may have worked for
them, it might not work for you... especially if
you follow the advice of juice-heads who have spent most of
their lives training on steroids!)
How to handle the "side-effects" of your increased sexual
energy you'll get on this program! (A real unexpected bonus!)
How a "secret" 5-inch change in your hip placement
translates into massive power for your golf stroke! (Not one
pro in a thousand even suspects the potency of this simple
Why the new "lag" in your swing will cause your buddies to
shake their heads... until they see you consistently out-drive
them by 40, 50 and 60 yards off every tee! (I guarantee
they'll make you play with one of their balls, just to make
sure you aren't cheating somehow!)
How to use the secret of "choking down" to master any club in
your bag... no matter how horrible you were with it before!
The single most important move you can make in any altercation
-- it's what your body wants to do, but what most people panic
about and refuse to allow themselves to do! (Yet it will save
How to use a simple "cat-like" move to instantly position
yourself to deliver the easiest knock-out blow imaginable -- a
strike so natural your grandmother could pull it off against
How to instantly "shut down" an attacker's testosterone
levels, using your body's own built-in "brick". (Even a 90 lb.
woman possesses this amazing rock-hard weapon!)
When to use the most simple strike you'll ever learn... an
unstoppable natural move so effective in ending fights it's
not allowed in full-contact karate tournaments! (Instant
disqualification -- it's also a move that 99% of the most
brutal street fighters you'll ever encounter have never
seen before... and don't know how to defend against!)
How to use the "hip-swinging secret" soldiers use to drop
opponents instantly -- no speed or strength required, yet it's
like driving a 160 lb. bar of lead into the bad guy's belly!
(It's so effective, you don't even have to come close to
hitting your "target" area... even the sloppiest attempt by
you will bring him to his knees!)
How to use a super-effective, completely unexpected technique
straight out of the "Three Stooges" to cause any attacker to
automatically (1) back up, (2) raise his hands in defense, and
(3) blink rapidly... all of which instantaneously reverses the
tables and makes your attacker suddenly vulnerable to a
fight-ending blow you can deliver in your own sweet time!
Why all elite soldiers are given "permission" to use the one
street fighter's Secret Weapon we are all taught from
kindergarten not to use... and how you can use it to quickly
remove yourself from any situation where you have been
surprised from behind!
How to use the other "dirty" street-fighting tool not allowed
in any civilized boxing or karate match... because of it's
immediate ability to disorientate and topple your opponent!
(It also works when you do it incorrectly!)
Hey, that was fun reading, wasn't it?
However, let me remind you once again: YOU CAN'T WRITE LIKE
THIS WITHOUT PAYING THE PRICE!
Get those index cards. Write out those
bullets. Then write out 500 more. Give yourself the gift of a
"million dollar neurological imprint"!
It will serve you well the rest of your
Gary C. Halbert
P.S. Oh wait! I now have an underground "jungle" video
(no "production values" at all) on a secret, low-tech device
that can help (if you have a personal computer) increase your
cash-flow by as much as 10,000%! If you want a copy of this
video, you're going to have to shell out $35.00 to get it.
Just write your name and address and the words "underground
video" on a piece of paper and send it to my office with your
check or money order made out to "The Gary Halbert Letter."
Please don't call. The people who work with me don't know
what this is all about and I don't have the time to personally
explain it to several thousand people. Also, you should not
order unless you have a PC. This video won't do you any good
at all unless you are at least a tiny bit computer literate.
Copyright © 2002 Gary C. Halbert. All Rights