South of Jewfish Creek
Dear Friend & Subscriber,
You need to improve yours. That's what everyone says.
There are books that tell you how to do it. Classes too. Even
But you know what I teach people at my seminars?
It is this: Improving your image is fine but, the main thing
you need to do is...
You Need To Improve Your Substance!
Concentrate on making your product or service better.
Make it as good as you possibly can. Strive ever and ever
to... create more value! Value sends out ripples of
positive karma throughout the marketplace and the
reverberations of same come back to you in satisfaction,
self-esteem and a never-ending river of mucho fungolas.
Let us get practical. In my last seminar (the
"Seminar-By-The-Sea"), I revealed a virtually fool-proof
formula that could be used by almost anyone in the audience to
very quickly make huge wads of money. And you know what? This
formula could also be used by you if you could somehow
persuade me to reveal it to you in this newsletter.
What's that? You say I damn well better reveal it? You
say that's what you subscribed to this letter for in the first
place? You say I should stop screwing around and get on with
OK, OK, don't be so testy. Here's the scoop. Look, let's
pretend for a moment that, right now, you don't have a product
and you're looking around for something to sell. Well, if
that's the case and you come to me and ask my advice, it will
almost always be...
Sell Paper And Ink!
I'm talking about newsletters, books, special reports
and so on. In fact, in the 12/5/87 issue of this newsletter I
revealed exactly how to create such a product. That
information also appeared in Section 2 of my book, "How To
Make Maximum Money In Minimum Time."
In any case, let's say you do want to create such
a product but you want to make sure it will sell like
hotcakes. Let's say, for example, you have decided to sell a
book or special report on how to buy cars, boats and houses
from the U.S. government at dirt-cheap prices. What we're
talking about here is all the "inside tricks" of going to
government auctions and making acceptable "low ball" bids on
merchandise which has been seized from drug dealers and other
There's a lot of books and special reports on this
It's good because it proves there is a hot market for
this kind of info. Listen: Don't be afraid of competition. If
you create enough value (as I do in my newsletter and
seminars), then, there is no competition! You see, what
you are about to learn here is how to create a better, much
more valuable book or report on this subject and also...
how to create a better, much more valuable (and
virtually fool-proof) advertising campaign to sell this
STEP 1: You must get every other ad you can find
that offers such a book or product.
You can find these ads in all the tabloids like the
"National Enquirer," "Midnite Globe" and so on. You'll also
find them in the opportunity magazines such as "New Business
Opportunities," "Entrepreneur," "Income Opportunities,"
"Wealth Secrets," "Salesman's Opportunity," etc., etc., etc.
You'll also find such ads in local newspapers, real estate
magazines and, if you are on the right mailing lists, you'll
find a lot of these "seized property" pitches in your mailbox.
And don't forget the classifieds! There are at least
a half-dozen guys selling hundreds of thousands of
books and reports on this subject through this medium. (By the
way, if you want to explore the opportunities in classifieds,
you should call John Eger at (214) 352-0612.
John spoke at my last seminar and he is a very
knowledgeable, very helpful and very likeable
So anyway, as I said, the first thing you do is get your
hands on as many direct mail promos and space ads as you can
that are offering books and reports on how to buy merchandise
that has been seized by various government agencies.
STEP 2: You must order each and every one of the
books and reports offered by the ads and direct mail pieces.
Look, don't you fight me on this. This is some of the
cheapest and most valuable research you can ever do. You know,
after you've done everything I've suggested so far, you'll
probably have spent less than $300 on all this material.
STEP 3: You must go through every book and report
you receive in the mail and extract out every nugget of info
Put each individual piece of info on its own separate
3x5 index card. By the way, by the time you are done, you
should have hundreds of index cards. What you are going
to discover is all of these books have a lot of material that
overlaps with all of the other books. That's the nature
of the beast. However, each of these books and reports
will probably have some unique material that none of
the others have.
OK, so now what you do is, you use all this "ammo" to
create a super book or report that contains every
single nugget of good info found in all those others. What
you will have when you are finished, is the most
comprehensive body of info possible on this particular
But wait! We're not finished yet. Not by a long shot.
What I want you to do after you've done all this is, I want
you to go back and re-read that back issue of mine I mentioned
earlier, the one dated 12/5/87. Also, you should go back and
re-read the issue dated 4/6/89. Both of these back issues will
give you detailed, step-by-step instructions on how to come up
with "unique twists" when you are working on a project like
this. And, of course, what you do with these "unique twists"
is you add them to your already comprehensive manuscript to
make it even more valuable.
What's that? What are my poor ears hearing from you? You
say all this seems like an awful lot of work? Don't despair.
It's not that much work. Besides, the amount of money
you can make on a project like this can make the time and
effort you put in the project seem truly insignificant.
Also, if you so choose, you can hire someone to
do all this for you. Someone like Lisa Morrice (213)
398-5147 or Brad Peterson (213) 542-8410 or
Loretta Duffy (818) 763-5652 or perhaps any of a dozen
talented writers who advertise their services in "Writer's
Whatever. In any case, let us assume for the moment you
have followed all these directions and you now have a super,
duper report on how to get dirt-cheap houses, boats and
cars that have been seized from drug dealers, etc. What's
next? What's next is, you are now going to improve the
substance and value of your offer. Here's what you are
going to do:
1. You are going to get a celebrity to "star" in your
2. You are going to hold all checks, money orders and
credit card charges for 30-days before you deposit or process
3. You are going to offer a conditional
Let us discuss all this. First, how to go about getting
a celebrity to star in our advertising. Well, I gave exact and
explicit instructions on how to do this in the 9/1/88 issue of
this letter (that info also appears in Section 4 of my
"Maximum Money" book). Therefore, the first thing you should
do is re-read that issue. However, to get you started right
now, you can...
Call Don Camp... (213) 281-6970
Call Ingles, Inc... (213) 852-0300
Call The Tarkenton Speaker's Bureau... (404) 231-1132
All three of the above are pipelines to celebs and can
discuss your needs with you intelligently. What you want is a
celeb you can feature in your ads and on the cover
and in the forward of your book. You want the right to use
the celebrity's picture also, not just his or her name. OK,
let's say that without a celebrity, the headline of
your ad reads something like this...
How To Get Cars And Houses
That Have Been Seized
From Drug Dealers And Other Criminal Scum!
Not a bad headline, eh? But, man oh man, if you want
your sales to explode, change it to something like
you heard about this?
Star Reveals How You Can Get Dirt-Cheap Cars And Houses That
Have Been Seized From Drug Dealers And Other Criminal Scum!
(picture of famous movie star)
And, after that headline, your copy begins like
so... "Dear Friend, my name is Famous Movie Star and I want to
tell you about a hot new report I just read that could be
worth a small fortune to you. This report is called, 'Gary's
Guide to Government Goodies' and..."
Etc., etc. Now, what about that business of holding
checks, money orders and credit card charges for 30-days?
Listen, my friend, one of the main reasons people are
reluctant to buy by mail is they are paranoid. They see
their money disappearing down a black hole into a "Never-Never
Land" where, even if they don't get what they ordered,
they never get their money back!
But, if they can post-date their checks and money orders
for 30-days, then they have in their minds (and in actuality),
some control over their money. They can cancel payment
if they don't receive or are dissatisfied with your
merchandise. This removes much of their anxiety and paranoia
and makes them much more likely to give you an order.
But wait! Isn't this M.O. going to result in a lot of
bad checks? Aren't we living rather dangerously here? It
depends. I believe if you truly deliver quality, the positives
drastically outweigh the negatives. For example, I have
recently sold 2,091 copies of my book, "How To Make Maximum
Money In Minimum Time" using this idea of holding all payments
for 30-days. And guess how many bad checks I got? Believe it
or not, only 45 or, to put it another way...
Trust me, amigo, this is far fewer bad checks than are
generated by most ads that do not offer the 30-day
But don't forget, my book delivers on every single
promise I make in my advertising. If it did not, I expect my
percentage of bad checks would be much higher.
Onward. Let's talk about this business of
double-your-money-back, OK? Look, when you offer this kind of
"conditional" guarantee, said guarantee is predicated on the
buyer actually trying the plan of action you reveal to
him. Here's a true story: Once upon a time, I joined a health
club and, after visiting the establishment just once, never
went back again. What I discovered was that using all those
machines and doing all that exercise was work. And
that's not what I wanted. No. I wanted magic. So anyway, I had
a friend at that time who was an attorney and he offered to
pull some shenanigans and get my money back for me.
But I said no. You see, they lived up to their part of
the deal. The gym was there. The equipment was there. The
instructors were there. In other words, they provided
everything they promised. So, in my mind (and I still feel
that way today), I didn't deserve the money back.
Keep that in mind while I tell you another true story.
(I can't remember whether I've written about this before or
not. Oh well, such is life when you have CRS*). Years ago, I
was called in as a consultant/copywriter to do some work for
"Entrepreneur Magazine." At that time, they were having
trouble with refunds on these "Start-Up Research Reports"
which they were selling for around $30 to $60. And you know,
they could hardly believe their ears when I told them to start
offering a double-your-money-back refund. But see, I
told them to make it conditional. I told them to merely ask
the guy who bought one of their reports to just prove he at
least made the merest stab at using the info. I told
them to tell their customers they could get a refund just by
asking for it on their company letterhead, stapled to which
was one of their business cards and photocopy of their
business license. They didn't have to jump through hoops. They
just had to make an effort to at least start a
The results? Sales went up and refunds ceased to
be a problem.
CAUTION: Do not misuse this technique. Don't
insist your customer do something unusual to get a
refund. Just insist he try using those exercise
machines before he concludes your health club isn't worth the
cost of membership.
If you are unreasonable about this, if you make it
too hard for your customers to get a refund, you stand an
excellent chance of getting slammed around by some regulatory
agency. Trust me, I know this to be true from personal
experience because one of my clients had this problem.
Here's an example of how not to do it. There's a
guy who goes by the name of Don Carrington and who sells
something called, "The Millionaire's Road To Riches" report
which is about selling by mail. Here is what he tells his
customers they must do in order to get a refund:
"1. Send me a copy of the 'Globe' and 'National Examiner
showing your full-page ad in it.
2. Send me a photocopy of your advertising insertion order
form certified as being received and acknowledged by them.
3. Send me a signed sworn statement from your bank manager
certifying you did not deposit $15,000 in your bank within 30
days of receiving your first order.
4. Return the original mailing label from the package you
received this material in, unaltered and unchanged.
5. Return this material in salable condition.
6. Package all of the above together, and send it to me by
'insured' first-class mail.
7. These instructions must be followed exactly, and
everything must be done within 120 days of receiving this
Pretty cute, right? Actually, it's stupid. This guy, if
he doesn't change his ways, is very likely to get his ass in a
sling. The Federales, if they ever happen to read his refund
instructions, are going to come down on him like a ton of
And look, there's no need for this garbage! Let
me tell you something. If you deliver value, if you deliver
what you promise to deliver, then...
The Only People Who Will Ask For A Refund
Are Those Who Never Intended To Keep
Your Merchandise In The First Place!
So, you don't have to ask them to do much. Just
ask they do a little something. Get a few business
cards printed. Apply for a business license. Go to the gym and
use the equipment 5 or 6 times. Actually, try the diet
for a week. These are reasonable requests, but what Don
Carrington is doing is foolish, stupid and dangerous.
Look, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying this Don
Carrington is a bad guy. Also, I'm not inferring his report is
of no value. I'm just saying he's misusing the idea of a
conditional guarantee in a manner that, through personal
experience, I know to be dangerous.
Now, let's put all this together and see what we've got.
First and foremost, we have...
An Offer With Proven Viability!
That is supremely important. It is the bedrock
foundation of everything else in this letter. Remember, you
can't multiply zeros! All the celebrities in the world,
all the tricks, gimmicks and strategies, all the strong
guarantees, all the generous offers to hold checks 30, 60 or
90-days before processing... none of this amounts to a hill of
beans unless you start with a proven offer.
But hey, we did start with a proven offer. The
proof of this, of course, is these "seized property" ads just
keep running over and over.
OK, this next part here should be interesting. What I'm
going to do is make a few "educated guesses" on what all this
"sweetening" will do to one of these promotions. My first
guess is many of these ads pull in about 1-1/2 times ad cost.
Let's say an ad costs $10,000. What that means is, according
to my guess, it would be usual for one of these
"unsweetened" ads to pull in $15,000 on that $10,000
expenditure. If the book sells for $12.50 plus $1.50 postage
and handling to generate $15,000 in sales, the ad has to pull
in 1,071 orders ($15,000
divided by $14.00). Now,
let's say it costs $3.00 to print up the book, stick it in a
padded envelope and mail it out book rate. So, the cost of
processing 1,071 orders is 1,071 x $3.00 or $3,213. Therefore,
our expenses (not counting overhead) are $10,000 to pay for
the ad and $3,213 to fill the orders or a total of $13,213.
Which, when deducted from our $15,000 gross sales, leaves us a
gross profit (before refunds, etc.) of $1,787.
Doesn't seem like much, does it? Rounded off, it's about
an 18% return which will take about 90-days to be realized.
But you know what? That's an annualized return of 72% which
sure beats the stock market, doesn't it?
No matter. Being the greedy capitalist pigs we are,
we're not going to settle for this kind of chump change, now
are we? No Sir! So now, let's see what happens (according to
my guesses), when we sweeten up this little puppy.
Here's what I think the sweetening factor (improvement in
sales) will be from the three major changes we've discussed in
CHANGE SWEETENING FACTOR
1. Adding a
2. 30-day hold on
guarantee x 1.2
OK, now remember, our unsweetened ad pulled in
$15,000 so, let's multiply that by the SF (Sweetening Factor)
of adding a celeb:
$15,000 x 1.4 = $21,000
And let's take that number and multiply it by the SF of
a 30-day hold on payments:
$21,000 x 1.3 = $27,300
And let's take that number and multiply it by the SF of
a double-your-money-back guarantee:
$27,300 x 1.2 = $32,760
So now, my friend, let us cipher together and see what
financial miracles our changes hath wrought. Since our gross
is now $32,760, that means our ad is now pulling in 2,340
orders ($32,760 divided by $14.00) which will cost us $7,020
(2,340 x $3.00) to fill. Add this to our advertising cost of
$10,000 and you can see that our expenses, sans overhead and
returns, amount to $17,020 which, when deducted from our gross
Leaves Us A Profit Of $15,740!
Yahoo! Now we're cookin', ain't we? Remember, the profit
of the unsweetened ad was $1,787 which means we have upped our
AN IMPORTANT POINT TO REMEMBER: You do not have to be
twice as tall to see twice as far. Just a few inches more in
height will put your vision above the heads of all the rest of
the mob. And so it is with response. You do not have to double
your response to double your profit. Since the first big chunk
of change you drag in goes to pay for your advertising and
fulfillment expenses, you only have to "sweeten" your gross a
wee bit (maybe by about 15%) to double your profit. However,
in this hypothetical case, we have, by plugging in a celeb, a
30-day hold and a double-money-back guarantee... we have
achieved enormous increase in net profit by slightly
less than doubling our response.
I wonder, my friend, do you realize the importance of
what you have just read? I have given you the closest thing
you'll ever get to a fool-proof money-making formula. I know,
I know... it's not a "magic money chant" that will give you
riches without effort. It's going to cost you something in
time, money and effort. But the payoff... my Lord, the payoff
for doing what I have just described could, very
realistically make you a multi-millionaire who laughs at
what used to be money problems.
Think about it.
Gary C. Halbert
P.S. With this issue, I am sending you a free gift. It is a
magnificent piece of art, suitable for framing, that will make
a tasteful addition to your office decor. You'll find it
inside sealed envelope #1.
As far as sealed envelope #2 is concerned, please
do not open it unless you are one of my "Inner Circle"
Lifetime Subscribers. This is a "closed circuit" message for
Lifers only who have not yet responded to my electrifying
letter of June 29, 1990.
P.S.#2 I don't feel finished yet. I want to give you even
more this month. So, let me ask you something: What do you
think the guys who run those "unsweetened" ads do when they
get an order?
Well, what they do is, they wait till they have
enough orders to justify sitting down at one of their stupid
PC's to input all of the data. Then, they generate labels and,
when they get around to it, they slap a label on a padded
envelope and send out their books. That means that, from the
day their customer answers an ad, about three weeks (minimum)
goes by before that customer hears from the stranger to
whom he has sent his money.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
But not you. No Sir, that's not how you are
going to take care of business. What you are going to
do is this: You are going to get out a first-class letter to
each of your customers the same day you get his order
and tell him you appreciate his business and how smart he was
to order your book which has already been shipped to
him in a separate package.
And... and... and... you're also going to tell him
how you've got another related report hot off the press
that, if he orders now, he can get a deal on and get a head
start on a brand new way to make money.
So, what's this new report going to be about?
Well, I don't know. I can't do all your thinking for
you. Maybe it's how to get deals on bank repos. Or how
to make a killing buying diamonds from pawn shops (you can) or
make money reading classified ads or... or... or whatever. The
point is, if you do this and do it right, something like...
20% Of The People You Mail
This "Welcome Letter" To
Will Immediately Send You Another Check!
Copyright © 2002 Gary C. Halbert. All Rights