South of Jewfish Creek
Dear Friend &
Here is a curious story.
He was a smallish man, an Orthodox Jew from
Canada and a licensed pharmacist with not one but two degrees
certifying he was indeed licensed to dispense
When I first met him, he told me he was
looking for the best copywriter in the world because he wanted
to publish a state-of-the-art health newsletter. He asked me
for references (which rather amused me). Because I was in a
pleasant mood, I actually gave him the names of a couple dozen
people he could talk with if he wanted to check me out. I was
further amused by the fact he called every one of these people
plus several others whose names I had not given him.
Finally, after all this research, he concluded I would be a
good people to hire to do a copywriting job for him.
Although he is a licensed pharmacist (as I
said "doubly" licensed) he has never written a prescription in
his life. He believes prescription drugs cause far more
maladies than they alleviate. After much brainstorming, I
convinced him a state-of-the-art health newsletter would give
info not only on alternative therapies and medicines... but
also... on conventional treatments and medicines whenever they
indeed proved to be the best option for a particular
I told him the best name for his newsletter
would simply be The Josh Abraham Letter and assured him
I would do the best job I possibly could to make this endeavor
a success. Since there was not an urgent deadline, I was able
to put four months of thinking into the creation of this promo
and I would like to share with you here the beginning of the
sales letter I wrote for him.
How To Live To Be 110... And...
Still Remember Where You
Left Your Car Keys!
3011 Shannon St.
Santa Ana, CA 92704
As you can see,
I have attached a real, live U.S. penny to the top of this
letter. Why have I done this? Actually, there are two
1. I have
something very important to tell you and I needed some way
to make sure this letter would catch your attention.
secondly, since what I'm writing about can save you money
(a lot of money) I thought using a penny as a
little "eye-catcher" was a good idea.
Anyway, here is what it's all
about: In the next few days, I am (with your permission)
going to send you a free
copy of a report I have written titled:
How To Have
A Photographic Memory... At Any Age!
Did you ever
walk into another room to get something... and then...
forget what the heck it was you wanted to get? Have you
ever been held up when you wanted to go someplace because,
you couldn't remember where you left your car keys? Have
you ever been talking to a friend and, right in the middle
of a sentence, you completely "blanked-out" on the point
you wanted to make?
You don't have Alzheimer's. Chances are, there's
nothing seriously wrong with you. All you need is a
simple little pill the drug companies don't want you to
know about. You can get it without a prescription, it
doesn't have any side effects whatsoever... and... tests
prove it is (by far) the most potent treatment in the
world for memory enhancement!
I'll tell you
more about this remarkable discovery in a minute. But
first, I want to tell you a secret about myself. My name
is Josh Abraham. I am a licensed pharmacist. In fact, I'm
licensed to practice pharmacy in both the United States
and Canada. I received my Bachelor of Science in Pharmacy
from Long Island University in New York in 1988. Not only
that, since 1994, I've been Executive Vice President of
Regulatory Affairs for Stella Pharmaceutical Co., Ltd. I
could tell you all about my other diplomas and
certificates but, I'm not going to bother. You see, here
is my secret...
I Have Never
In My Life!
Why? The answer
is simple: I have learned, in the United States alone,
more than 100,000 people die every year... because of
the drugs their doctors prescribed for them!
prescription drugs do more harm than good... and... most
of the time, there are natural remedies which are much
cheaper, have no side effects, and work ten times better.
That's a funny thing to hear from a guy who spent a small
fortune and years of his life to become a pharmacist,
I can't help
it: I just can't fill a prescription (even though
an M.D. authorized it) for a drug I know is not good for
someone... especially when there are so many better
alternatives. Let me give you an example: If you're over
40, you've probably experienced minor memory lapses that
irritate you. If you're over 50, maybe it's gotten to the
point where you're a little concerned about it.
don't need a prescription. What you really need is
something you can get in a health food store with the
scientific name "pregnenolone". This is a potent
neurohormone that, once inside your brain, actually
activates the neuroreceptors necessary for an
effective memory. In animal studies, pregnenolone has
proven to be 100 times more potent than anything else ever
tested to improve memory.
what? When tested on humans, the results were similar!
And, humans not only experience dramatic improvement in
their memory... but also... a significant increase in
concentration, an elevation in mood, and a reduction in
is the fact, when humans use pregnenolone with certain
other vitamins and minerals... there is... a dramatic
increase in median I.Q. levels!
must take the right kind of pregnenolone (it's sold under
different brand names), the right amount... plus... you
need to learn all about the other non-toxic,
no-side-effect agents that can virtually magnify
I can't tell
you everything you need to know in this letter. It would
take up too much space. That's why I have written
How To Have A Photographic Memory... At Any Age
which is an easy-to-read report... (written in plain
English)... that will change your life. Why am I
willing to send you this report... and... why am I willing
to send it to you FREE? The answer is simple: It's a
bribe! It's what I call an ethical bribe to get
you to try a trial subscription to my highly-regarded
health newsletter called The Josh Abraham Letter.
deal: If you will agree to a trial subscription to
The Josh Abraham Letter, I will send you the
report I have just described... and... I will send it to
you FREE! Plus, to make it even better, if you are not
happy with my newsletter, I won't even ask you to pay
for it... AND... you still get to keep the free
But wait! I
want to "encourage" you even further. You see, once you
read just one issue of my newsletter (any issue) I am so
certain you will want to keep getting it every month.
Therefore, I have decided to go all out... and... send you
10 more free reports you also get to keep
even if you decide to cancel your subscription.
Free Report #2: How To
Stop, Reverse, And Prevent Heart Disease Now And Forever!
Etc., etc. etc.
I'd like to stop here and make a few comments
on what you have just read: First, the headline is jam packed
with subtle, compelling psychology. The opening words "How
To Live To Be 110" reflect a goal all of our target
audience would like to achieve. The length of time I chose to
feature in that headline (110 years) is an exciting goal and
yet, thanks to many modern medical discoveries, it is also a
The next three words "And Still Remember"
implant the thought that, even at 110, our reader will not be
humiliated and crippled by faulty mental functioning. The
final words of the headline, "Where You Left Your Car Keys"
not only illustrates triumph over our most common mental
lapse, it also imparts the idea we will still be physically
active enough to drive a car.
You'll notice this is what I call a "penny
letter" because it calls for a penny to be attached to the
first page of the sales letter as an "eye-grabber." Penny
letters are a pain in the ass. However, if all other parts of
the promotion are created with exceptional skill, the penny
always gives a significant "edge" to the probability of the
sales letter being a profitable success.
The full version of this sales letter goes on
to promise the reader ten more "bribes." Thus, in addition to
being what I call a penny letter, it can also be described as
one of Halbert's trademark "bribe" letters. The use of this
combination gives you more a chance of success than any other
sales letter format of which I am aware.
I'm not going to reprint the entire sales
letter here (it is copy intensive and 8-pages long) but, I
would like to share with you some of the brilliant bullets
featured in it. This is just a small sampling of the
approximate 80 bullets created for this sales letter.
How to use ordinary postage stamps to find out
whether a man having erection problems has a physical
problem or a psychological problem... and... how to
restore full sexual potency in less than 3-days!
One very common (so-called "safe") surgery that
increases the chance of getting prostate cancer by
How to spot the early warning signs of Alzheimer's!
Why staying out of the sun... increases your
risk of getting skin cancer!
Why people in New Mexico have only 1/2 the risk of getting
cancer... as... people who live in Connecticut!
A secret your doctor will never tell you about
that... guarantees... you will recover as fast as
possible after any surgery!
Why Japanese women have almost no menopausal symptoms!
How the color of the clothing you wear affects your energy
A non-prescription agent that breaks up fat in your
bloodstream and flushes it out of your body!
Does shampoo cause Alzheimer's?
¨ Why the "by-pass surgery industry" would shut
down tomorrow... if... everybody knew the truth!
¨ How to "signal" your fat cells to shed all
your excess weight!
How many men ("in-the-know") have cured their enlarged
prostate in two months and cancelled their surgery!
How to triple your sexual performance if you are over 40!
How you can actually grow fresh neurotransmitters
in your brain!
¨ A non-prescription antidote for anxiety that would put
Prozac out of business... if... the American public ever
found out about it!
Hey, ain't those some bitchin' bullets?
Okay, now here's the close of the letter:
I could go on and on. What you have just read is only a
small sample of the exciting information you will get when
you subscribe to The Josh Abraham Letter.
You need this kind of hard-nosed information. It is not a luxury. If you truly want to live to a ripe
old age (and stay healthy and youthful at the same time)
then the information I am offering you is CRITICAL!
And, please don't forget, when you subscribe to The
Josh Abraham Letter, you'll get all 11 of those
valuable free reports (mentioned earlier in this letter) plus your iron-clad guarantee. What I mean is this:
If you are ever dissatisfied with The Josh
Abraham Letter for any reason whatsoever (or even
no reason at all) just write and say you want to cancel
and you will immediately receive a full refund on
all unmailed issues... with no questions asked.
Plus... You Still Get To Keep
All 11 Of The FREE Reports!
How much is your subscription to The Josh Abraham
Letter? Actually, compared to what you get, it's a lot
less than you'd expect. When you read the order form
enclosed, I am sure you are going to be very pleasantly
surprised at our low subscription price. Not only that, we
ask you postdate your check a full 31-days ahead.
That way, if you decide to cancel your subscription, we
will immediately send back your uncashed
check. (By the way, if you chose to pay by credit card,
you should also know we will not process your credit card
payment for 31-days either.)
May your life be filled with love, joy, happiness... and a
new improved memory!
P.S. Do not forget to postdate your check a full
month in advance... or... if you are paying by credit
card, to remember we will not process your credit card
payment for a full 31-days. Also, I have enclosed a
self-addressed reply envelope for your convenience.
words about the offer: You'll notice it asked people to
postdate their checks 31-days ahead or, if they are paying by
credit card, the letter promises the credit card payment will
not be processed for 31-days. Allowing people to postdate
their check a month in advance and/or promising not to process
their credit card payment for a month is... just like
attaching a penny to the first page of the sales letter... a
royal pain in the ass. However, virtually everyone who ever
tests this kind of offer finds it to be so much more
profitable than the traditional "pay-for-it-right-now-and-I'll-send-your-money-back-if-you're-not-happy"
offer. The extra logistical effort it requires is irritating
as a six pack of inflamed hemorrhoids but, it still pencils
out to produce enough extra profit to nearly always be worth
Not only did I create the sales letter for
this project, I also created a "stick letter" calculated to
dramatically increase the profitability of this promotion.
This stick letter is, I think, a particularly good one and
I believe it would be of considerable value for me to allow
you to read it. So, without further ado, here it is:
Dear Mr. Everett,
As you can see, I have attached a nice, crisp $1 bill to
the top of this letter. Why have I done this? Actually,
there are two reasons:
1. I have something very
important to say to you and I needed some way to make
sure this letter would catch your attention!
2. And secondly, for
reasons I will explain in a moment, I wanted you to
experience, as you opened this letter... the totally
unique thrill... of receiving money in the mail from a
completely unexpected source!
First things first. Mr. Everett, what is it I have to say
to you that is so all-fired important? Simply this...
I really mean it. Recently, when you read the letter I
sent to you (it started with the headline, How To Live
To Be 110... And... Still Remember Where You Left Your Car
Keys!) and you decided to subscribe to my newsletter,
you took a chance. I admire that... and... I intend to do
everything within my power to make this the best
investment you will ever make. My newsletter is a labor of
love. I slave over it like you wouldn't believe. I want my
newsletter to be... by far... the most valuable
health-building publication in the entire world.
In fact, my personal goal is to make each issue worth more
than the entire yearly price you paid for your
To get you off to a quick start, I am sending you right
now (by separate mail) your first issue of my newsletter,
The Josh Abraham Letter, plus the 11 of the free
reports I promised to give you. Do you remember all those
free reports and what they are about? Just to make sure,
let me list the titles here to refresh your memory:
1. How To Have A
Photographic Memory... At Any Age!
2. How To Stop, Reverse,
And Prevent Heart Disease Now And Forever!
3. How To Stop Deadly
Cancer Without Surgery Or Radiation!
4. Six "Insurance"
Nutrients You Must Take To Prevent Disease And Premature
5. How To Lower High
Blood Pressure In 14-Days Or Less... Without Dangerous
6. The Anti-Cancer
Diet... 16 Amazing Superfoods That Prevent Cancer!
7. Miracle Age-Reversing
8. How To Cure Arthritis
With A Simple Grocery Store Remedy!
9. How To Train Your
Metabolism To Burn Fat 24-Hours-A-Day, 7-Days-A-Week And
Lose All The Weight You Want... Without Weight-Loss
10. Why Viagra (The
Potency Pill) Might Not Be A Sexual Panacea For Every Man!
11. How To Have Maximum
Energy In Minimum Time!
Anyway, these are the 11-free reports which
are now being mailed to you along with your first copy of
my newsletter. This material will be in your mailbox in
the next few days... and... I strongly suggest you read
all this info immediately. Some of it is so important and
so unique... it could literally
save your life!
Now, let me move on to something else: Look, if you want
to have excellent health, you absolutely must take
certain supplements, vitamins and minerals. All in all, if
you take everything you need to maintain optimum health,
you are going to have to pay a small fortune... if... you
make your purchases in your home town. However, because
you are now a subscriber to The Josh Abraham Letter...
You Can Buy All The
Supplements You Need At
Here is why: When you go to a drug store or a health food
store, you will have to pay retail. But, that is NOT the
case with me. You see, I am a registered pharmacist in
both the United States and Canada. That means I can buy
any supplement... any vitamin... any mineral... any
herb... or... anything else related to health... at
below wholesale prices. Therefore, because you have
become one of my newsletter readers, I am willing to pass
on these savings to you. In fact, as of now, you have
automatically been enrolled as a complimentary
The Josh Abraham
To give you an idea of how valuable this is, I have
enclosed a special notice which is inside the sealed
envelope I am sending you with this letter. When you read
that notice, you will discover... why... getting all your
nutritional needs from The Josh Abraham Discount Club...
is like... getting free money in
You'll see for yourself when you open the envelope.
Now, let's talk about that dollar bill I have sent you
with this letter. You can do whatever you want with it.
You can give it to charity. Buy yourself a protein
milkshake or whatever. But, you know what I hope you do
I Hope You Frame It!
Then, someday in the not-to-distant-future, what I hope
will happen... is... someone will see that dollar bill
hanging on your wall and ask you about it, and you will
"Well, that happens to be the very first
dollar I saved on my health care needs because of Josh
Abraham... and... since then... I have saved thousands
OK, that's enough for now. Mr. Everett, thank you again
for signing up for my newsletter and giving me a chance to
prove myself to you. I appreciate it from the bottom of my
heart. As I said earlier, I'm going to do everything
within my power to make my newsletter the best investment
you ever made in your life.
P.S. The information inside the sealed envelope has a
time limit connected to it... so... I hope you read it
Peace and good health.
I personally guided Mr. Abraham through every
step of this promotion. Everything from obtaining the mailing
lists, getting the promotion produced and mailed, keeping
track of the orders, and so forth. And guess what? The
Was A Winner!
Indeed with some "tweaking" it could possibly
turn out to be a monster winner.
But guess what else?
After doing everything involved, sending out
all the letters, and getting the results (which were
excellent) Mr. Abraham, for personal, religious and family
reasons... not fully comprehensible to a simple-minded swamp
dweller such as myself... has decided not to go forward
with this project.
I like this guy. After months of work, an
investment of approximately $87,000 and following every
suggestion I gave him, he has ended up with a winner on his
hands he is unable to exploit. He bears me no rancor (why
should he?) and I have no negative feelings about him either.
I guess this one simply goes into the category of "just one of
However, it saddens me to see this little,
good-hearted man suffer a financial loss like this, even
though I cannot comprehend the "why" of it. So, I came up with
the following idea: Why don't I feature this situation in one
of my newsletters which will be very informative for all of my
readers and possibly, a real died-in-the-wool jackpot
for one of them.
See, what I said to Josh is, "Look, I'm
gonna write about this situation and suggest to my readers
that if somebody out there is looking for an already created,
tested and 'ready-to-go' mail order business, they ought to
make a deal with you to take ownership of this promo, run like
crazy with it and repay you the 87,000 smackaroos you put up
to make all this happen... with... the proviso they can pay
you so much a month out of the profits it generates. This way,
everybody wins including 'Yours Truly' who is entitled to 5%
of whatever gross monies this dealybop produces."
Would you like to know more about this? Would
you like to see the complete sales letter? Would you like to
know the actual names of the mailing lists used to test this
offer? Would you like to know the actual results it produced?
Would you like to read the actual first edition of The Josh
Abraham Letter which was also created by none other than
Yours Truly? If so, all you have to do is call Josh and
convince him you are really interested in this deal and not
just some curious, do nothing spectator who wants a free look
at all this material. Josh will be more than happy to send you
a package containing the complete sales letter, the
full size version of the stick letter, the actual
first issue of the newsletter, and all relevant facts and
This is a made-to-order opportunity for
someone who seriously wants to get into the mail order
business. But please, do me a favor: Please don't
pester this man with a telephone call requesting all this
unless you are real. If you don't have enough
money to take this over and roll it out or, if you have one of
those pain-in-the-ass anal personalties that just aggravates
the hell out of everybody and slows everything down to a
crawl... please don't do anything. Don't call Josh. Don't
suck him (or worse yet, me) into the miserable vortex
in which you reside.
Even for those of you (which, of course, means
nearly all of you) who have no interest in getting
involved in this project, there has been more inside
information revealed in this newsletter about how a successful
mail order business is really created than even a great
teacher as I normally publish.
Read this entire issue two or three times.
There is a lot here for those of you astute enough to catch
Gary C. Halbert
P.S. You can call Josh Abraham at (914)
425-3450 except during the Orthodox Jewish Sabbath which
starts at sundown every Friday and lasts 24-hours until the
sundown on Saturday.
P.S. #2 I have nothing more to say this month.
Copyright © 2002 Gary C. Halbert. All Rights