North of Jewfish Creek

Dear Friend & Subscriber,

Continued from yesterday...

Now I want to talk a little more about my readers.

They come in all shapes and sizes. Some are rich. Some are very rich. Some are poor. Some are down and out. Some are hopeless.

And people read my newsletters for different reasons. Some read it just because it gives them a lift. Often they write me how I wrote something that caused them to laugh out loud (LOL in geek-speak). Many tell me they enjoy reading the little "slice of life" comments I often write in my newsletter.

But here's something interesting: I've learned a lot about myself in the last six months. You know, for quite a long time, I have been a rather big fish in the small pond of direct marketing. However, in the last year, it seemed my visibility and popularity has skyrocketed. It took me a while to figure out why. Then I discovered the existence of "blogs".

It seems there are hundreds, perhaps even more than a thousand, web blogs talking about me. I've even come across an entire website that gives information about me.

And it's been during these last few months as I became a "lurker" and began reading some of these blogs and the like, I started learning a great deal about myself. Recently, John Carlton sent me a link to a website with a comment something like, "My God, Gary, what are they going to think of next?"

I clicked on the link to that website and there was a huge headline that said: "If you're wondering why you haven't heard from Gary Halbert lately, it's because he has been sent to prison." It then went on with page after page describing why and how I happened to be in prison.

Another time I was looking at an article someone was preparing to write about me. It told about the time I had an idea at 9:00 in the morning and turned it into a quarter-billion dollars in cash that same day.

You know, perhaps my mind is slowing down and not as sharp as it used to be. It used to be every time I was in prison or every time I made $250,000,000 in three hours, I would remember it. Now apparently I have these experiences and almost immediately forget about them. To tell the truth, I wish to hell I could remember where that 250-mil I made in those few hours is. Maybe I'll come across it in a shoe box in my prison cell.

Speaking of my being in prison, I must admit this is really a pretty nice one. I've got a 62" T.V. all to myself... a couple of boats to take out whenever the weather's nice... and whoever my captors are, they seem content to let me come and go wherever I want and whenever I want... and do whatever it is I want to do.

Another thing I learned about myself from these blogs is, I have teamed up with a man named "Frank Kern" and have written a long, scammy letter which has made us both millions of dollars. I don't even know Frank Kern. Maybe I met him at a seminar once and perhaps we shook hands. But then again, I'm not clear about that.

One of the most amusing things I've also learned is I am the co-owner of a website called "". Not only am I not a co-owner of that website, I don't even know what it's all about. From the name, it sounds like the guy is selling some sort of gadget that makes an alarm sound when your car is about to hit something behind you.

And you should have read the back-and-forth conversations in that blog where this poor guy was trying to convince some idiot he was not in partnership with me and didn't even know me. That poor guy was completely unsuccessful. The idiot "just knew" I was involved... no matter how much proof was provided him to the contrary.

I could tell you hundreds of stories about me like this. Most everything people write about me is positive. Some of it is negative. But no matter if it is positive or negative...

Almost All Of It Is Distorted!

One thing people seem to believe is I have made millions (perhaps even billions) of dollars... and... I have it all stashed away living the life of Reilly with no financial struggles to trouble me.

Nothing Could Be Further From The Truth!

Here's the real truth: I have made, in my lifetime, zillions of dollars. However, I am not prudent with money. I have very little of it left. Don't let that worry you though. I have enough to lead the modest lifestyle I prefer. But, I don't have a big, fat cushion of millions (or even hundreds of thousands) of dollars to allow me to run off to the Riviera with my girlfriend and never have to work again.

In the meantime, I want to tell you what I think is an amusing story. Many years ago, I was experiencing financial difficulties and was nearly dead broke. I was talking with Dan Kennedy in Phoenix, Arizona and he asked, "Gary, do you need some bucks?"

I replied, "Yeah, Dan, I do. I'm broke."

So Dan lent me a considerable amount of money on the spot. I pulled off my gold Rolex watch and said, "Here Dan, you can hold this as collateral."

He looked at me with a frown on his face and said, "Holy cow Gary! I don't need any collateral from you. Take the watch back."

I said, "No, no Dan. You don't understand."

Dan asked, "Understand what?"

I said...

"You Don't Understand What
A Great Story This Will Make
In A Newsletter Some Day!"

Then I talked to Dan a little more and asked him if he had ever been in dire financial straits... while... trying to give a speech on having a positive attitude and teaching people strategies to make money. Dan told me a funny story.

Early in his career, he was giving one of his energetic, positive talks on money-making strategies. Apparently, he was doing this in some sort of store front building. Behind him there was a large plate glass window. At one point during his speech, he turned around and looked out that window. He couldn't believe his eyes. He saw his car being towed away by a tow truck because he hadn't made the payments on it and it was being repossessed.

I hope Dan will forgive me for telling this story. But, it's going to help me illustrate a point.

Many People Make Millions Of Dollars... And Then...

Conduct Their Affairs In Such A Way As To

Find Themselves Broke Once Again!

Other people (ignorant people) ask, "How could you have lost all that money?" Well I'll tell you something about people who ask that question. None of them have ever made millions of dollars.

You see, within the seeds of every man who has the ability to make millions of dollars... also... are the seeds with the ability to lose everything he has made.

But people like Dan Kennedy and myself can never be poor. Perhaps occasionally we'll find ourselves broke. But never poor.

Somebody who is poor has no money and no skills to make money.

Somebody who is broke has no money... but... has skills to make money. They may be temporarily broke but will always bounce back to make as much money as he could possibly want to spend.

Almost every successful, rich person I know (including many famous names you would recognize) has had extreme financial ups and downs. But, they always weather these storms because their true wealth is what they have between their ears. If you have the right stuff between your ears, you may find yourself temporarily broke... but... you will never be poor. That's because you will always have the most valuable money-making asset in the world and it can never be taken away from you. (Well, short of death or having a lobotomy.)

I live in Miami. People from other countries (mostly Cuba) come ashore on the east coast of Florida every day. Now I want you to imagine two men, totally exhausted from their week long journey aboard their inner-tube raft, finally step ashore on the beaches of Miami. They are now in the United States of America.

One of these men was formerly a dishwasher who worked at a hotel in Cuba. He managed to steal a million dollars from the hotel and the guests of the hotel. He was able to get to America with that money safely strapped to himself in a waterproof container.

But the other guy came ashore with absolutely nothing except the torn T-shirt and shorts he was wearing. He didn't have a penny, a peso or any other kind of money. But this poor chap was a brain surgeon in Cuba.

Now let's fast forward five years and take another look at those two men...

My guess is the dishwasher/thief will be broke. I'll bet he'll have spent almost all his money on drugs, prostitutes, insanely impractical expensive cars (like Lamborginies), and in general, carelessly scattered his money to the wind. And since he doesn't know any skills to make money (except washing dishes), he'll probably turn back to crime. This being Florida, the nature of that crime will probably be some type of involvement in the drug trade. And, since he was never the sharpest knife in the drawer to begin with, entering the drug trade will most likely have gotten him imprisoned or even murdered.

But let's take a look at that other guy who washed ashore the same day, the brain surgeon. After the same five years have passed, he's living in Coral Gables (a luxurious suburb of Miami), has a nice wife with one or two kids, a terrific showplace house, a Lexus (the best car ever made), a thriving practice, and is a respected member of the community.

What's the difference between those two guys? The difference is the dishwasher/thief did not come ashore with "real" wealth. He only came ashore with money. The brain surgeon came ashore with the only "real" wealth there is. He came ashore with the wealth he had between his ears.

Should that brain surgeon ever run into financial troubles, he might temporarily become broke... but... because of this wealth between his ears... he will rapidly cure that situation. He WILL become prosperous again.

A lot of the money I made, I spent intelligently. For example, I spent a lot of it on sex, drugs, wild women, booze, rock and roll, insanely fast and dangerous boats, and business ventures that were so stupidly conceived, they didn't have a chance to succeed.

On the other hand, I spent much of my money stupidly on things like food, clothing, shelter, medicine and the like.

Anyway, now let's switch gears and talk about the concepts of...



And The Internet!

I was born in Parkersburg, West (by God) Virginia which is located on the east side of the Ohio River. Parkersburg is about 30-miles south from Marietta, Ohio. Marietta is on the west side of the Ohio River. Got all that?

Good. Let's pretend there are two guys who want to get to Marietta, Ohio. They are in a canoe paddling very efficiently... except... they are in the Mississippi River (not the Ohio River). Let's say they have their canoeing down pat. They've learned to use a perfect J-stroke. They get the maximum forward movement from each ounce of expended physical effort.

Now let's take two other guys who are paddling their canoe north on the Ohio River leaving Parkersburg. They likewise want to get to Marietta. These guys are really lousy canoers. In fact, they don't even have paddles. One guy is paddling with his shoes while the other guy is paddling with his bare hands.

Can you guess who is going to reach their goal, the city of Marietta?

It is NOT those super-efficient guys. They are in the wrong river. And no matter how efficient they travel on the Mississippi River, they cannot get to Marietta, Ohio. Simply because Marietta is not located on the Mississippi River. That is an illustration of...

Efficiency Without Effectiveness!

On the other hand, those two poor souls paddling up the Ohio River with their shoes and hands will eventually (in spite of their total absence of efficiency) reach their goal of Marietta. Why? Because...

They May Not Be Efficient...

But... They Are Effective!

They are, at least, traveling on the right river in the right direction.

Let's relate all this to the Internet.

A very good friend of mine was making an enormous amount of money on the Internet soliciting leads he sold to real estate brokers. He would send approximately 25 million e-mails a day. From these 25 million e-mails, he would get about 2,500 leads. This was enough for him to make about $30,000 a day.

That meant he was getting approximately 1 lead for every 10,000 sales message he was e-mailing. He was able to make a huge profit because, at that time, spam was legal. It also cost so little to send out those 25 million messages. Yes, he was able to make money... in spite of the fact... he was using the least effective advertising medium on the entire planet.

Let me put this in perspective:

At approximately the same time my friend was doing that, I was using direct mail to solicit leads. For approximately every 1,000 pieces of mail I sent, I received 70 leads. That meant I was getting a 7% response rate.

Let's combine his means of sending a sales message (e-mail)... with... my direct mail letter. In that case, we would have gotten a 7% response rate from 25 million e-mails. That, my friend, would result in...

175,000 Leads From Each

Of His Mailings!

Which also means... my sales message was...


Than His E-mail Message!

Know this: The Internet is the most efficient advertising medium in the world... but... it is also the least effective.

But what if... all those people trying to sell things on the Internet (which is so efficient) also used the techniques I could teach them to make their efforts effective? Then we would have a killer combination! We would have a money-making machine more powerful (by far) than the U.S. Mint.

Switching gears here. I'm going to tell you about my computer expertise. Years ago, when I got my first personal computer, I did so because I wanted to learn about the stock market. The guy who taught me how to use my computer said I learned faster than anyone he had ever seen. (Obviously, he never taught a 9-year old kid.)

I learned how to send and receive e-mail. I learned how to get stock quotes, stories on stocks, intraday graphs, and how to buy and sell stocks online. I also learned how to go to websites whenever I wanted to research something. I learned all that in about 1-1/2 days. I have not learned anything else since.

I do not know how to upload anything on to a website. I do not know how to use an Instant Messenger service. I do not know how to cut and paste. I do know how to play a computer game. And even though I DO know how to go to a porn site... I do not know how to get out of the damn thing without turning off my computer.

Yet, in spite of all these things, I bet I can teach you more about how to make a website profitable than any Internet guru on earth. (Pity I'm not going to share this with you, isn't it?)

Back to my readers once again. I love it so many people read my work. I love it so many people learn how to make lots of money from my teachings. I love it some of the people read my website simply because it gives them a psychological lift. I love it some people read my newsletters and benefit from some of life's painful lessons I had to go through... without having to go through the actual pain themselves.

You know, a few years ago when I was still publishing a "snail mail" newsletter, I had received so many letters of praise, we stopped counting and keeping them after we had more than 3,000. Now that I'm on the Internet and read all over the world, I bet I receive almost as many (or maybe even more) letters of praise as many of these bullshit televangelists who are promising happiness and eternal life for a cash donation.

I read every one of those e-mails and letters. Some of them are so touching, they almost break my heart. Some of them are amusing. And almost everyone thanks me for the contribution I have made to their lives, whether in some small or large way.

The chances are very good, if you send me an e-mail, that you will NOT get a reply. There are number of reasons for this:

First, there's a pretty good chance that because of AOL and all the various spam filters, I won't even receive your e-mail message.

Secondly, because I receive so many e-mails, it would be impossible for me to reply to them.

You know, I have a vision I hope does NOT come true. Want to know what that vision is? I thought so.

I'm lying on a hospital bed under an oxygen tent. There's a knot of people standing around the bed as I lay there dying. One of them asks the doctor, "How long has he got, Doc?"

The doctor replies, "I don't know. He's going pretty fast. Maybe just another 7 or 10 minutes more."

"Well, is it okay if we lift the corner of the oxygen tent so we can say goodbye?" they beg.

The doctor says he'll leave the room to give these guys some privacy with me.

Then, with everyone else looking on, two of these guys lift the oxygen tent. One of them says, "Gary, hey I know it's a bad time and I know you're dying. But I've got just one quick question. You know stamps are 37¢ and my friend says he thinks we'll get better response using three stamps instead of one stamp. What do you think Gary? Will three stamps pull better than one stamp?"

The other guy who had helped him lift my oxygen tent pipes in, "I got one real quick question and then I'll let you die. I'm broke and unhealthy. I can't get a woman and haven't gotten laid in 7 years. My life is completely dysfunctional and in chaos. I've also got a problem with alcohol and drugs. Last week they repossessed my car and kicked me out of my house. Now I'm living under the Venetian Causeway Bridge. Here's my question: Can you give me a quick secret that will turn my life around and make me instantly rich, healthy, and desirable to women? And somehow be able to enjoy my drugs and alcohol without any ill effects? That's all I want Gary. I'm looking at the clock and you still have 4 minutes left. Would you use those 4 minutes to help me?"

Then, in the background, I hear the other guys in the room begging, "Gary, I've got a question too." And someone else pleading, "Gary, it's just a really quick one."

My eyes are darting around frantically to find the call button. I push it with all the strength I have left. The doctor and several nurses come rushing into the room. They make the knot of people back away from me. And they ask, "What is it Gary? Do you need more morphine? Do you need a sip of water? What is it Gary? What can we do for you?"

With what little bit of dying breath I have left, I whisper, "No. I don't need any of that. What I DO need is for you to get all these shitweasels away from me so I can die in peace!"

Well, that's it for today. But you better read the next installment... because... in that one...

I Am Going To Tell You EXACTLY

What You Have To Do... If... You Want To Make

As Much As One Hundred Million Dollars... And...

You Want To Make It Really, Really Fast!

But, unfortunately, I am NOT going to tell you how to get rid of all your demons... because... I do not yet know how to get rid of all of my own.

To be continued...


Gary C. Halbert

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