North of Jewfish Creek


Dear Friend & Subscriber,

Remember my very recent newsletter in the envelope titled "Operation Moneysuck"?

And remember how I told you in that newsletter, if you are in the direct marketing business, your merchant account is the weakest link in your chain of success?

Well, that newsletter prompted an almost immediate reply from one of my readers. He gave me permission to reproduce his email in my newsletter on the condition I would keep his name and contact information private.

Here's his email:



Hi Gary,

I just read your letter about the difficulties in obtaining a merchant  account for a direct response business. I don't know when you wrote this, but my discovery of your message could not have been more timely. Here's why:

On August 30, I launched a new business {website URL was here} and lined up some seriously big affiliate partners for the initial launch. Sales took off like mad. My merchant account provider did not like this one bit, and held my funds pending further investigation. Apparently $90k in sales in about 5 days by a 24 year old with marginal credit scared the crap out of them.

I was jerked around by various incompetent morons for days while my insanely profitable business was withering, unable to accept payments. Eventually, they notified me that they did not want to do business with me and would be closing my account, and holding my money for 9 months.

The reason: "They do not support my 'business type.'"

In a desparate move I switched over to Paypal, but they killed me after only about another $20k in orders.

I actually now have my Paypal account back but I'm afraid to do any decent volume at all, and I have told all of my affiliate partners to back off. (A great message to send - "Hey, don't make us money! Stop it!")

For the past three weeks I have been talking to countless people who supposedly specialize in "high risk" and "high volume" merchant accounts yet can't seem to get anything together. US, UK, offshore, the whole nine yards. I've submitted (quite literally) hundreds of pages of bullshit forms, photocopies, paperwork and questionnaires to various banks and stupid brokers.

This business can and will do *at least* $500k+ per month in sales when I have a solid merchant bank to back it up and I can actually start promoting the damn thing.

The money faucet is ready to be turned on, but it's hell finding someone to process the credit cards. The whole business and product is totally, 100%, absolutely legit. I'm selling turnkey websites at $497 a pop that allow people to make money by (very ironically) getting people to apply for credit cards. They get a completely designed credit card directory website all set up and ready to go out of the box, and they earn $40 to $50 for every credit card application that gets filled out through their site.

The sales letter is converting like mad: 2% conversion ratio on a $500 product (using some techniques I learned from you by the way - thanks.)

Check it out: {website URL was here}

Anyway Gary, clearly I'm looking for your "goldmine" credit card guy. So if what I've said has at all gotten your interest in giving me "The Halbert Seal Of Approval", get in touch with me as soon as you can.



Hey Cupcake, how do you like them apples? This man's situation is NOT unusual. If you are in direct marketing in a significant way, I can almost promise...

This Will Happen To You!

I don't care if you've had a merchant account in good standing for 30 years. I don't care if you are the mayor of the town you live in. I don't care if you're such a lily-white citizen you've never had a parking ticket. It WILL happen to you.

All I'm saying is, do the best you can to get ready for it. Do the best you can to cover your ass. It might be a smart thing for you to do to read my newsletter "Operation Moneysuck" again.

And now, on a happier note, I'm going to reproduce another email I received which tends to illustrate my son, Bond, truly does have more wisdom than his father. (The little shit is not as smart as his old man... but... he does have more wisdom.) Here's another email I received from another of my newsletter readers:




You told us to personally help Katrina's victims in addition to  donating to charities.  Just so you know, your son's story inspired  me.  Last week, I read this story of the University of New Orleans  women's swim team and how they lost everything.  When I read their  story, I determined I would help; therefore I contacted their coach.   They needed running shoes (among many other needs),  so I brokered a  donation from my athletic company to her team (to be blunt, I was  prepared to dip into my own pocket if I wasn't able to work it out).

It was a no-brainer; it was easy to help.  I told the coach because  she needed something specific, athletic-related, and because I was  able to help, I was more than willing to do so.  Others can donate  whatever, like canned goods (which is important), but who do you know  KNOWS that you work where you work for a reason, at the right place  at the right time?

Gary, one girl got problems with her student visa and customs and  such.  She was just thankful to be in America even though she lost  EVERYTHING.  The coach told me another only had flip-flops.  Can you  imagine that?  Another was fixing to go back to her home country, but  her mom said America offers her hope; therefore she should stay.  All but one are freshman; they're just kids and they have to grow up so  fast.  Did you (I ask this in the general-sense, not specific) ever  face any trials like this when you were 18?  How could I say no to them?

Well, I wanted to let you know personally how easy it is to make an  impact on others when all it took was NOT throw money at the problem and hope it doesn't go away, but just creatively and  thoughtfully  impacting others.  Gary, these girls could still use help, so let me  know...





Okay, I know this is a short newsletter but I had to get it out fast because... believe it or not... I've got a big day ahead of me. You know what I get to do today?

I Get To Go Have A Root Canal Done!

One last thing, this is my second newsletter of this week. The first one went on this website yesterday was about the "Gary Halbert Seal Of Approval". Don't be a dummy, make sure you've read both these issues.



Gary C. Halbert



P.S. I now really do believe when it comes to charity, it should be given out from human to human. NOT human to government to human. NOT human to organization to human. But, plain old human to human. Person to person. If you want to help people, find a specific person, family or group and go give your money or whatever else you're giving DIRECTLY to them.


By the way, I recently read an article about how the huge amount of money the Red Cross has received in the last month has paralyzed that organization.


To hell with everything. I'm going to go get my pain.




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