Jewfish Creek

Dear Friend & Subscriber,

There is something a tiny bit different about this newsletter from all of the other newsletters I have written in recent years. Did you catch it?

Just in case you didn't, if you'll reflect a moment, all of my newsletters in recent years have said, "From: South of Jewfish Creek" or "From: North of Jewfish Creek." That's because during the past several years, I have measured where I am on this planet in relation to the location of Jewfish Creek.

Jewfish Creek is approximately two miles long and it is located at the northern tip of the Florida Keys. There is a small drawbridge which has to open up for you if you are on a boat of any size going either north or south on Jewfish Creek. This drawbridge is located on the road which goes over Jewfish Creek which is known as either U.S. Highway 1 or A-1-A. Incidentally, U.S.1 goes north all the way to the northernmost part of Maine... and... south to the southernmost point in the continental United States in Key West, Florida.

For many people, the 18-mile stretch of U.S.1 which Jewfish Creek flows beneath is known as what you might call a "Second Mason-Dixon Line." If you are anywhere south of Jewfish Creek, you are in Monroe County, Florida in which all of the Florida Keys are located. If you are almost anywhere north of Jewfish Creek, you are in Dade County which encompasses all of Greater Miami.

Jewfish Creek is not just a physical location. It is a boundary between two distinct civilizations. South of Jewfish Creek (in the Florida Keys) almost all the people you encounter will be laid-back, "American-Americans" who are basically content on minding their own business and leading pleasurable lives.

When you are north of Jewfish Creek (in Greater Miami) most of the residents are "Latin-Americans" who live dysfunctional lives at such a frenzied pace, it is hard for the rest of us to comprehend. And, in Dade County, English is for real a second language. Some of the stores in Miami actually have signs in them that say: "English Spoken Here."

My legal address is the same address on the masthead of this newsletter. However, since I live on a 52' ocean-going houseboat, most of the time my resident address is wherever I choose it to be in South Florida.

For those of you who know about such things as a GPS Device (Global Positioning System) the precise geographical location of Jewfish Creek is 2511.015N 08023.268W.

OK, now that I've given you a fair amount of information which probably held no interest for you whatsoever, let me switch to a topic about which I know you are extremely interested in... which is, of course...

Making More Fungolas!

Listen, you know what the hardest part of writing a sales message is? It's getting started. And do you know what is the most-often missing ingredient in a sales message? It's the sales message doesn't tell an interesting story.

As I've repeated endless times in this newsletter, the formula for making a sale via direct response is AIDA, which stands for:





Many people spend most of their time (and justifiably so) on writing compelling headlines. But often, what comes after the headline is not of much interest to the reader. So, what I'm going to give you this month is a bunch of real world ways to begin a sales message by starting to tell a story devised to capture your reader's attention.

Here are the examples:

Dear Friend,

How would you like to have a guarantee you could have anything (and I mean anything) in the world you could possibly want?

Believe it or not, now you can!

You see, there are a small number of "mind scientists" who have been quietly working (behind the scenes) to find out exactly what a person has to do... to get... virtually anything he or she wants.

These are not "scientists" with formal degrees. Many of them have never been to college. However, they have rather loosely united to share with each other their absolutely mind-boggling discoveries. At the top of the mountain of this unique group of people is an attractive, energetic woman named Cynthia Kersey. She has written a book about how anyone can become...




Dear Friend,

Did you know the quality of your smile has a more direct effect on your personal (and business) relationships than any other part of your appearance?

In fact, 88% of all people in North America say they always remember someone with an especially attractive smile. Not only that, 75% agree an unattractive smile can seriously hurt a person's chances for financial success. Perhaps, that's why more than half of the adults in America wish they could change their smile. Some adults want to correct problems they have had since childhood like discolored, crooked or irregular-shaped teeth. Others want to fix conditions they've developed over time, like cracked, worn-down and discolored teeth. There is good reason for this. You see...

Your Smile Can Make Or Break You!

For hundreds of years, all the way from Mona Lisa to today's cover girls, the absence or presence of a dazzling smile has always carried great significance. It is a reliable indication of a person's sense of well-being and has an enormous impact on a person's health, self-esteem... and... both personal and business relationships.



Dear Mr. Everett,

As you can see, I am sending you a $1.00 bill with this letter.

I'm doing this for a reason: This is the most important letter you will ever read and I needed some way to make sure this letter would catch your attention.

And, quite frankly, there is ANOTHER reason I am sending you this dollar bill. I'll tell you the other reason in a minute... but first... there is a strange story I have to tell you. In fact, I've got to get this off my chest before I explode!

Listen, I know you live in Massillon, Ohio. I've never been there and I don't know much about that area. However, I looked it up in my Atlas of the United States and I noticed it is about 40 miles south of Cleveland. And here is why the location of Massillon, Ohio is so interesting to me.



Dear Friend,

Have you ever wanted to make some really big money? Maybe become a millionaire or even... a multi-millionaire?

If so... and... if you live in or near Boston... there is now a very real chance you will be able to do it.

Here is why: Three years ago, a man who was dying of cancer hired a very smart individual (she had an IQ of 170) to work on a research project... to find out...

What Would Be The Very Best Way
To Get Rich In Boston After
The Year 2000 Had Come And Gone?




Dear Friend,

If you own or operate a business or, if you are simply someone who would like to make a lot of money very quickly, this may be the most exciting message you will ever read.

Here is why: My name is Gary Halbert and, some time ago, I was dead broke. My business was almost bankrupt and I couldn't even pay the rent. Actually, I wasn't just broke, I was desperate.

Then, one day, I came up with a "crazy idea" about how to write a certain kind of sales letter (it was not a chain letter) that would get people to send me money.



Dear Friend,

My name is Betty Adams and, the first thing you should know about me is... I am not a doctor.

I'm not an expert on nutrition either. I never went to college and I don't have a degree in anything. In fact, the only thing I consider myself an "expert" about is...

I Think I Know How Almost Any Woman In
America Can Lose Up To 63 Pounds
In A Very Easy Way!

I know... because... I did it.


Dear Friend,

As you know, if you are a Hollywood star, you... must... look good.

Not only that... in most cases (if you are a woman)... you must also... look young! What this means is, sooner or later, many female stars are almost forced to get plastic surgery.

But, not any more. Now, at last, there is a new scientific product (developed by a scientist in Texas) which 100% eliminates the need for Hollywood stars (or, anyone else for that matter) to ever again have to go to a doctor to perform surgery to look younger. This means:



Dear Friend,

There is now a "secret weapon" which makes it possible for long-haul truckers to pay zero taxes.

And, before you even ask, I want to tell you it is 100% legal!

How many times have you gone to bed wondering just how much longer you can survive sky-high fuel prices? Even if you are fortunate enough to be "getting by," wouldn't it be nice to have some financial "breathing room"?

Well, guess what? I have some serious financial relief for you... if... you are willing to try a little "experiment."



Dear Friend,

Let's talk about how the size of a woman's breasts relates to her I.Q.

The size of a woman's breasts is measured by the cup size of her bra. A woman who wears an "A" cup is generally considered to have small breasts. A woman who wears a "D" cup bra is generally considered to have large breasts. A woman with even larger breasts might wear a "double D" ("DD") or even a "triple D" ("DDD") bra.

There are even "E" cup bras and "F" cup bras and "H" cup bras. These bras are made for women with extraordinarily large breasts.

Remember Jo Cavanaugh, the computer expert I told you about in my last letter? She wears an "I" cup bra... and... it is a "triple I" ("III") size. Just for the record, the actual size of her breasts is 52III.

Let me tell you something else about Jo. While it's true she has huge breasts, that is perhaps the least important component of her as a human being. She is a Christian woman with incredibly high moral standards and probably the brightest computer mind I've ever encountered. Yet, when you see her for the first time, before you get to know her truly well, most likely you will be so "dazzled" by her physical assets, you won't be able to see further into her mind and personality... and discover... she is (when it comes to computers) almost the equivalent of a female Einstein.

So, why am I telling you all this? 



Dear Friend,

Did you know that your family name was recorded with a coat-of-arms in ancient heraldic archives more than seven centuries ago?

My husband and I discovered this while doing some research for some friends of ours who have the same last name as you do. We've had an artist recreate the coat-of-arms exactly as described in the ancient records. This drawing, along with other information about the name, has been printed up into an attractive one-page report.



Dear Friend,

If you would like to know how someone can start with a simple idea... and then... generate over $51,000,000 in sales in just one year... this is going to be the most interesting message you will ever read.

Here is why: There's a guy in California named Carl Palmer who, until recently, was very wealthy and very bored. He got rich (the first time) by starting a company in 1970 which he sold out to Coca-Cola just three years later in 1973. As part of the deal, he had to sign a "non-compete" agreement with a duration of five years.

After that five years ended, he went back in business and built up another company which was soon acquired by the giant AMF Corporation. After that, Carl developed Shackley's reverse osmosis home water filtration system... and... in the first year... they did $51 million in sales with that product.

And so on.

You get the idea. What this guy does is, he comes up with enormously valuable inventions, starts a company to sell these inventions... and soon... he goes nuts with all the hassles of running a business... and so... he sells out (at a huge profit) to some giant corporation that has the resources and the clout to exploit the living daylights out of whatever it is he has invented.

But now, he has outdone himself. Now, at the request of Seychelle Technologies, Inc., he has invented something which is needed by every human being in the world... and...

This Invention Is Almost Certain To
Generate Billions In Sales!



Dear Friend,

Do you ever have arthritis pain?

If so, this will be the most important message you will ever read.

Here is why: There is a man in Texas named Steven C. Ammerman. He is the president of SCA International and, while on a Vietnam Veteran's ministry trip to Russia in 1992, he decided to start an import-export company.

During his first year in business, a man approached him by the name of Mr. California. (That's his nickname. His real name is John Q. Everett.)   Mr. California had been using a pill he was getting from Bulgaria. This is a pill Bulgarian body builders were using to double and triple their stamina. Mr. Ammerman contacted the pharmaceutical company which produces the pill and had five boxes sent to him. And guess what? That's when Mr. Everett discovered the major "side effect" of this muscle-building pill is the almost 100% elimination of arthritis pain!



Dear Friend,

I'll bet you remember exactly where you were when you first heard the news about the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon. Nearly everyone does. And nearly everyone (especially investors) remembers how this disaster shut down all the major stock exchanges in the United States for nearly an entire week.

When the market reopened on Monday, September 17th, it experienced the largest point drop in history. The Dow dropped 684.81 points for a percentage loss of 7.13% in just one trading day. The Transportation Index did even worse. It dropped 404.81 points for a one-day percentage loss of 15.12%. The NASDAQ fell 115.82 for a one-day percentage loss of 6.83%.

All in all, it was one of the worst days in the history of the stock market.

But Here Is Something Almost
Nobody Bothered To Notice...

On that very same day, on the NYSE, 1144 stocks advanced in price and 63 of those stocks actually went up to new highs!

On the NASDAQ, 1409 stocks advanced in price and 35 of those stocks skyrocketed to new highs!

On the AMEX, 285 stocks increased in price with 12 of them hitting new highs!

This means that... on one of the worst days in the history of the major markets, a total of 2838 stocks actuallly advanced in price... and... a total of 110 of those stocks went up in value to a price higher than they had ever sold for before.

How About A 165.3% Gain
In Just That One Day?

That's what a company called InVision Technologies (INVN) experienced. And what about a company called Viisage Technology (VISG)? It went up that day 142.2%! Or ICTS International (ICTS) which skyrocketed 113.3%! Or Avistar Communications (AVSR) which made a gain of 100.1%!

Aside from those triple digit gainers there were many stocks that made double digit percentage gains like American Science and Engineering (ASE) up 97.6%... or... Vicon Industries (VII) up 83.7%... or Hi-Shear Technology (HSR) up 76%... or... Identix (IDNX) up 71.4%... or... Olympic Cascade Financial (OLY) up 52.2%!

Enough. I think I've made my point... which is...

If You Know How To Pick The Right Stocks...
You Can Still Make Dozens Of Highly-Profitable Trades...
Even If... The Rest Of The Market Is Falling Apart!

But, how in the world can anyone (especially given today's economic turmoil) pick winning stocks day after day? Is there any way... for real... to beat today's stock market? YES! And, get this...

It's Easy!



OK, if the examples I have just given you have not jump started your "fungolas-seeking mind" it is obvious you don't have a drop of entrepreneurial/marketing blood in your body... and... I suggest you start looking for some place "safe" to work such as a giant corporation like Enron.

However, I think most all of my readers are smart enough to get the point. And the point is... storytelling... good storytelling... is a vital component of a marketing campaign.

Now let's talk about my upcoming "Patches of Light Seminar." I told you in my last letter there was going to be something very special about the seminar but, you would have to attend to find out what that "special" thing was going to be. I've changed my mind (I can do that because there's a highly developed feminine side to me) and I've decided to tell you what that "special" thing is right now.

The most valuable seminars I have ever given were those where myself and my other marketing friends (the most important, by far, being John Carlton) would invite members of the audience to come up and share the stage with us. We would ask the attendee to describe his or her business and their particular marketing problems. Then, right there at the seminar, in real time, John and I would so quickly and cleverly solve their marketing problems... that Dan Kennedy described what John and I were doing as "working-without-a-net." However, even though it took only a few minutes for John and I to solve these marketing problems... what the attendees (as well as some of the other speakers) failed to realize was... it had taken John and I a couple decades of blood, sweat and tears through trial and error to now know how to instantly solve their problems.

Another thing about me and seminars is, usually, when I speak at a seminar (either mine or someone else's) I am somewhat held back for reasons of "political correctness" from telling some of the attendees what they really need to hear. Not so with my "Patches of Light" seminar.

You see, John Carlton will be with me at my seminar and the exciting thing for both of us is...

We Are NOT Going To Make
The Smallest Attempt Whatsoever
To Be Politically Correct!

You know something? I think even my good friends like Joe Polish, Dan Kennedy, Mark Victor Hansen, Bob Allen, etc. are reluctant to have me speak at their seminars because they consider me "too dangerous." And I must  admit, their concern is justifiable. The truth be told, left to my own devices, I would (and so would John Carlton) tell  the attendees of any seminar... why... nearly all the other speakers and so-called "marketing experts" are totally full of shit... and... how they are trying to force feed the attendees advice which will put a serious dent in their bank accounts.

Well, at my "Patches of Light" seminar, John and I are going to let it all hang out. We're going to tell the audience what they really need to know to succeed in any form of marketing including the Internet, direct mail campaigns, magazine and newspaper advertising, radio advertising, TV advertising, postcard advertising, billboard advertising and even skywriting.

And, at my "Patches of Light" seminar, nobody is going to be selling anything to the attendees. There is no secret agenda.

I've wanted to put on a seminar like this all my life and so has John. I bet my "Patches of Light" seminar will be remembered longer than any other seminar you've ever gone to... or... will ever go to... in your entire lifetime... simply because...

You Are Going To Have Two Of The Most Brilliant Minds In
All Of Marketing Telling You The REAL Truth About What
You Need To Know... And... We Will NOT Be Making Any
Attempt  Whatsoever  To  "Please"  All  The  Other
Marketing Experts Who Like To "Play It Safe"!

Anyway, within the next ten days, my #1 Trusty Assistant Theresa, will finalize all the details for this seminar. She will then be notifying everyone who wants to attend of all these details such as... the name, address, telephone number and contact person at the hotel, the hours of the seminar, and so forth.

Remember, the dates for my "Patches of Light" seminar are Friday, Saturday and Sunday, April 19, 20 and 21, 2002 in sunny Orlando, Florida. Hope to see you there.

   Gary C. Halbert
"Storyteller" Extraordinaire


Everybody who owns a boat in Miami or Fort Lauderdale, Florida has to move their boat out of Dade County for the month of February. This is to accommodate the Miami Boat Show, which I believe is the biggest boat show in the world. This February, I chose to move my boat to the marina connected to the Anchorage Resort located at the southern entrance of Jewfish Creek. That's why this letter is not coming to you from north, south, east or west of Jewfish Creek. It is coming to you from Jewfish Creek itself, which is where I am... but... where I won't be by the time you receive this letter.

For what it's worth, the rooms at the Anchorage Resort give you more for your money than any hotel or motel I have ever experienced in my entire life. I'd highly recommend you give them a call (305/451-0500) the next time you plan to be near 2511.015N 08023.268W.



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Copyright 2003 Gary C. Halbert.  All Rights Reserved.