North of Jewfish Creek
Dear Friend & Subscriber,
I have received an enormous amount of emails from people who were overwhelmingly grateful because... in GREAT detail... I took everybody "behind the scenes" and revealed EXACTLY how the "magic" of the water ad was created.
Later in this newsletter I will express my appreciation for your appreciation.
But right now, let's get to a few more interesting things which I have not yet published about the "water ad."
First, I deliberately left out an explanation of an absolutely-magical and critical few words of that ad to see if anyone would catch it. Nobody did. So I'm going to tell you what those "magic" words were.
They appear near the end of the ad and they say:
"...as fast... as their financing will allow them to expand!"
Those words were critically important because they implanted in the reader's mind that here was an opportunity to, indeed, make an awful lot of money.
A number of people wrote me about DuSean Berkich (the evil CEO of Seychelle Technologies). I'll share with you a few of these emails... but... in truth, this first one pretty much sums it all up. It says:
|"Hi Gary, I thought you'd like to know DuSean Berkich was convicted of fraud (got 10 years) and died in prison. (US Territory, Northern Mariana Island)"
Here is an excerpt from another email:
|"DuSean Berkich was convicted on 1 count conspiracy to commit wire fraud. Two counts wire fraud, 1 count money laundering conspiracy and 3 counts money laundering. Berkich was acquitted on 1 wire fraud count. Berkich faces a maximum prison term of 95-years."
Here is yet another excerpt from another email:
|"Assistant US Attorney, Patrick Smith, yesterday underscored the damage caused by the near-collapse of the Bank of Saipan after fraudulent transactions caused its financial instability. This followed convictions of Bert Douglas Montgomery, DuSean Berkich, and former Bank of Saipan President Thomas Alvin."
And another excerpt:
"As the evidence at trial proved, the 3 defendants conspired to fraudulently obtain ownership of the Bank of Saipan and then made a series of fraudulent loans to enrich themselves and their associates.
"Montgomery and Berkich also took 2.8 million from the United Forex Exchange, a California investment firm that 'they knew to be the proceeds of a fraud scheme of investors in that firm'. They caused those funds to be wired to Saipan for the purpose of furthering their scheme to defraud the bank."
Did DuSean Berkich actually die in prison? I hope not. I wish someone would discover he is still alive so I could have the pleasure of torturing his life again.
Many of you wanted to know how I was able to destroy DuSean Berkich and his company in just 4-days. I'll tell you a secret. Back in the days when I was "vacationing" at "Club Fed" I developed a way to destroy almost any individual or company on earth. I have never revealed this to anyone... even to my own flesh and blood who have begged me to tell them the secret. This secret is too powerful to reveal. There is no defense against it. There is no way to repair the damage once you use it on someone. It's also very inexpensive and quick and easy to implement.
I have never used this secret on anyone... even my worst enemies. Even on people who have defrauded me out of hundreds of thousands of dollars.
This secret is so powerful... honestly... it could be used to destroy giant corporations like Microsoft, Exxon, E-bay, Amazon, General Motors, etc.
The reason I will never use or reveal this secret is because I do not feel I am qualified to sit in judgment of any individual or company and make a decision which will be utterly devastating to those people or institutions.
But DuSean Berkich was so patently evil and had hurt so many people and had such an arrogance of power, for him I made an exception. (By the way, isn't it curious how the authorities were able to discover and prosecute a fraud perpetuated by such an evil genius, the likes of DuSean? Hmn. Gee, I wonder how they got onto him?)
On a different subject, here's the text of another brief email which may interest some of you:
|"Gary, You might be interested to see on page 80 of last week's 'New Invention' issue of Time magazine... a water filtration bottle very similar to the one you described."
And Now... Here's News Of A Hot-New Product
Which Just Possibly Will Wake Up
The Lazy Minds Of My Readers!
It's called "The VestergaardfrandsenLifeStraw"
This is a $5 water purifier for the masses. The little article about it in "Personal Health" says, "The LifeStraw, from Danish company, Vestergaarde Frandsen, may be the best hope yet for the 1.1 billion people worldwide who lack access to safe drinking water. The 3.4 ounce 'straw' can filter up to 185 gallons of water, enough to supply one person for a year. Just dip the plastic tube into water and suck on it to draw liquid up through three filters. Two textile layers remove dirt, iodine-based resin kills 99.3% of bacteria and viruses, and activated carbon catches whatever the iodine missed. Pending approval by the Environmental Protection Agency, the LifeStraw could reach US stores in time for the 2007 hurricane season."
To find out more go to www.lifestraw.com
You want to know a little something about another hot new life-saving invention? There is a relatively-inexpensive device a surgeon can implant just under the skin of a fat person's abdomen. This device then sends every 6-seconds an electronic signal to the person's abdomen. This pulsed/electric signal is safe and cannot be felt by the person wearing the device. What this device does is, it replaces the increasingly popular gastric bypass operation. Can you imagine, here's an invention which promises all of the benefits of gastric bypass surgery with none of the dangers and at a fraction of the cost.
You think maybe something like this could be marketed? I bet you'd like to know what it is, wouldn't you? Sorry, but I think I'll save this one for myself... and someone who has deep enough pockets (and sanity!) to finance my worldwide marketing of this device.
Let me switch gears here for a moment. I know only a few truly world-class copywriters and there is something unique about them you would never guess. That secret is...
None Of Them Are Cheap!
When I was learning my trade, I bought every book, course, and seminar about copywriting and marketing I could get my hands on. I didn't care if I had to spend the rent or utility money to learn more about my passion. When John Carlton learned Gary Bencivenga was giving a $5,000 seminar, he was the first to sign up. He did so without even reading the sales pitch. I also signed up for Bencivenga's seminar without bothering to read the pitch.
Later, in a private conversation with Gary Bencivenga when I was in New York to attend his seminar, he told me that he had privately purchased everything about marketing and copywriting I had ever offered for sale.
Years ago, when I was teaching on a regular basis at the Jefferson Institute in Utah, Mark Stoddard spotted me picking out several books on marketing on display at the Institute, and then going to cashier to pay for them. He told me since I was a featured speaker, I could get all this material at a fraction of the cost and didn't have to pay full price.
You know what? It'll probably seem curious to many of my readers, but it never even crossed my mind to ask if I could get this valuable material at a discount.
I charge different prices for my different services. Sometimes it's as low as $7,500 for a 2-hour telephone consultation. The most common price for my copywriting services is $15,000 payable in advance plus 5% of the gross sales I am able to achieve for my client. Sometimes on a job which is going to take me a lot of time, I charge $30,000 upfront.
I've noticed a BIG difference in the people who hire me at $30,000. Basically, they only ask two questions: "Are you available to do my job?" And if I say 'yes' the second question is, "Who do I make the check out to, and what address do I FedEx it to?"
During the course of my career, I've had a lot of people call me and tell me they want to hire me and money is no object.
But I have learned when someone says, "Money is no object," that most of the time... money is the most important consideration on their mind. I've had people tell me they are making profits of as much as $750,000 a week... and then tell me... they're thinking about hiring me but, they'd like to brainstorm with me a little bit first.
You know what I tell those people? I tell them, "Look, that sounds great to me. I'll make you a deal. I want you to write a $500 check payable to the Children's Hospital of Miami and send that check to me. As soon as I receive the check, I'll hand it to the Hospital and tell them to cash it the same day. After that, I will consult with you for a couple hours on the phone. Just think, the worst case scenario is, you and I don't do business together. But some sick child who desperately needs medical help will have a $500 assist in getting that help. However, the best case scenario is you and I end up doing business together and we each make a small fortune. That sounds really fair to me, doesn't it to you?"
And you know what? Absolutely nobody has ever taken me up on that offer. It is remarkably curious how many people claim to be making hundreds of thousands of dollars a week... but... can't seem to get $500 out of their accounting department (it's always because of accounting difficulties) to get a consultation with me and help a worthy charity.
Now please permit me to tell you an old joke... but... it's a joke with a lot of truth in it.
Two real estate guys are working as partners in Miami. One of them comes back from an afternoon meeting and has supper with his partner.
He tells his partner, "Ron, I've got good news and bad news! You know that building they wanted $230-Million for? Well guess what? I was able to get them to lower the price to only $190-Million."
To which his partner, Russ, says, "Well, what's the bad news?"
Ron replies, "They want $5,000 in cash."
Really cheap people are curious to me. If they work in real estate, they will ignore 99 extremely profitable deals... just to find one deal that is insanely profitable... maybe because the widow who owns the property has only a couple weeks to live because she is dying of cancer.
Anyway, all that I have written above on the subject of cheap people has been a set-up.
It's a set-up because I want to sell you something.
You know how valuable that education was when I pulled back the shades and revealed to you the real secrets of the water ad? Well, I've got something which will show and teach you how to discover and exploit secrets like that...
All By Yourself!
But I ain't giving it to you free.
You're gonna have to pay.
But I'll say this, if you decide to buy what I'm about to offer... and... you have one drop of marketing blood in your veins... it will be worth millions to you.
Let me tell you about January 16, 1994.
There are three things that happened on that date which make it especially memorable.
First, it's the date Telly Savalas passed away. You remember him, don't you? He's the bald-headed actor who played "Kojak" the lollypop sucking detective on a long-running TV show.
The other thing which was memorable about January 16, 1994 was what happened later that "evening" about 2 o'clock in the morning. (I guess that would make it technically January 17.) Well, anyway, that's the date California experienced a monstrous 6.6 earthquake.
I was sleeping with a girlfriend who lived in Studio City at that time. One curious thing I remember about her apartment building was it was owned by the TV star of Miami Vice, Don Johnson. Anyway, there we are, sound asleep when the entire building starts swaying and shaking like King Kong or the Jolly Green Giant has grabbed ahold of it and is moving it back and forth furiously. You know what popped out of my mouth instantly and I swear to God this is true. While everything in the room was shaking, I said to my girlfriend...
"Honey, was it good for you too?!"
Well, maybe I shouldn't have said that. As soon as I did a very heavy dresser smashed down on my head. It was like God was bitch-slapping me for having the arrogance to mock his divine power. I wrapped my body protectively around my girlfriend and kept saying, "Honey, it's going to be okay. We're going to be okay." All the while I was promising her that, her apartment and the entire building was literally shaking apart.
Eventually, the shaking stopped. At least momentarily. We got out of bed and crawled to the living room. Everything was smashed. Her computer was destroyed. All her artwork from the walls was on the floor. The furniture was now kindling. In her kitchen, the refrigerator had fallen forward and the doors to the refrigerator and freezer were ajar. All kinds of food and various liquids like orange juice and milk had spilled out onto the kitchen floor.
For some reason I stumbled into the kitchen and then turned around and crawled back into the living room. At that moment, my girlfriend raised her voice and started screaming, "Gary, Gary! Look what you're doing!"
"What," I said, "What am I doing?"
To which she replied, "You're tracking stuff all over my living room rug!"
It took both us a moment to realize the absurdity of her concern. But I think it's indicative of the human condition. We can be faced with a calamity of enormous proportion but focus our attention on some mundane everyday detail. I think it's a part of our survival mechanism which allows us to cope with monstrous events beyond our control.
Now I'm going to tell you something: My readers know a lot about me. But in truth, I have only revealed the tip of the iceberg of what I know about marketing.
What I'm about to say to you is going to be shocking. But it's true. And I can prove it.
On January 16, 1994 I, Sir Gary of Halbert,
Invented Email And Internet Marketing!
I swear to God that's true.
Here's how it happened: I conducted a brainstorming session at Universal City in California. It was called "Gary Halbert's Electronic Marketing Brainstorming Session". What I did is invite the top computer experts in the United States to attend a free brainstorming session with me and to see, with me guiding the brainstorm, if it was possible to monetize and financially exploit this new thing called the Internet. (By the way, at that time, there were approximately 15-Million people worldwide who had access to the Internet. However, the people at my brainstorming session assured me in the future there would be many more Internet users. You think maybe they had that part right?)
At the time, almost everyone marketing on the Internet was doing so on "bulletin boards". That's probably something a lot of young Internet users have never even heard about.
So many computer experts came to my brainstorming session, we had to attempt to get a larger room to accommodate everyone.
The names of many of the people who attended that session reads like a "Who's Who" in the annals of online marketing. It will be fun for me as you listen to the recording of this brainstorming session to see how many of the names of the attendees and experts you recognize.
It will be even more fun and interesting when you are hit with the fact of how many of those people have since become multi-millionaire online marketers.
I started the brainstorming session by having people give me an overview of how people all over the world were (then) using computers. Then, I got in to them to explain their strategies for profitable computer marketing. I bet as you listen to these early strategies, you will find a few of them which just might be immensely profitable if they were implemented TODAY.
But that is not the reason you should purchase or listen to these tapes. The reason you should own these tapes is so you can listen to me live in action as I extract the core secrets and desires of Internet users and develop ways to use those secrets and desires to sell to them.
You know when I uncovered the secrets of the water ad to you? Actually all I did was reveal those secrets to you. What would be obscenely valuable to you is to learn HOW I go about uncovering those marketing secrets. And that is EXACTLY what you will learn when you listen to these tapes.
There's a story about these tapes. After the brainstorming session had been recorded, it was widely thought the tapes had been destroyed during the earthquake. But one set of those tapes was discovered to be completely intact. Then, believe it or not, because that set of tapes was given to me, they were lost again.
You know when I found this goldmine of marketing information?
Just three days ago. I could hardly contain my excitement.
I now have in my hands what is quite possibly the most valuable marketing brainstorming session ever captured on tape.
There are eight of these audio tapes. Each one of them has a simple paper label. The tapes are cleverly titled "Tape 1", "Tape 2", all the way to "Tape 8". They come in a handy dandy 8-tape recording case with a crude picture of me on the front conducting the brainstorming session.
I am NOT going to convert these tapes into CD's. Don't bitch to me about how your car or house no longer has something to play audio cassettes. Don't tell me you are now so technologically advanced that you can only play CD's or DVD's. I don't care.
If you want this information, you should know it's ONLY available on audio cassettes. So maybe you're gonna have to cart your pathetic ass down to Radio Shack (or some other electronic store) and spend $14.95 to buy a piece of "out-of-date" technology so you can play and listen to these tapes.
I'm sorry. But to get things of real value, occasionally we have to make enormous sacrifices such as this.
I'm going to charge $197 plus $5 shipping and handling (that's $202 for those of you who are mathematically impaired) for you to get these tapes. And I'm going to do something else: I'm selling them on the basis you will NEVER duplicate these tapes or give or sell them to any other person.
Why am I doing this? Because eventually somebody's going to get the idea of selling my tapes on e-Bay. And I absolutely cannot wait until someone does that. Because, for a long time, I've been chomping at the bit to make an example of someone who sells other people's intellectual property on e-Bay for a profit. And the person I'm going to go after is the first person who sells these tapes (whether on e-Bay or otherwise). Just watch what I do to that person.
Want to know how bad it's going to be?
Just think DuSean Berkich.
Another thing I'm going to do is I am NOT going to charge you for the purchase of these tapes until 30-days after I have shipped them to you. If you buy them by check, I will hold your check for 30-days before I deposit it. If you purchase the tapes by credit card, I will not process your credit card information until 30-days after I have shipped you the tapes. That will give you plenty of time to listen to these tapes and discover for yourself that I, Sir Gary of Halbert, am really (and I almost hate to say this because it's sorta shameful)... but damn it all it's true...
I Am The Person Who Invented Spam!
Anyway, if you are unhappy with the tapes, all you have to do is send them back to me with a signed note saying you did not reproduce them in any way and we will return your uncashed check or destroy your credit card information.
By the way, I cannot stop the processing of your credit card payment if you decide to purchase my tapes using PayPal. But you have my word, if you decide to purchase the tapes by PayPal and then decide to return them, I will issue you an immediate refund.
Listen, I want to end this newsletter. Let's get to the bottom line: I'm offering you an invaluable marketing lesson which was almost lost to the world. More than any other product that exists, this one will teach you how to think like ME when you think about marketing.
If you're at all serious about marketing, you must order these tapes... and... you'll probably want to listen to them several times a year.
If you're not serious about marketing, you're welcome to keep reading my newsletters for free for the educational and fun and entertainment value they offer.
I'm going to sign off now. But after I do, my trusty assistant Theresa will tell you in the P.S. how to order these tapes. If I were you, I'd do it right away... because... it will be the most delightful, insightful and educational Christmas or Hanukah present you could ever give yourself.
Oh Wait! I almost forgot! If you order these tapes, I'm going to send you an EXTRA FREE BONUS as a Christmas or Hanukah present. It's a little book called...
"Gary Halbert's Guide To The Core Secrets And Desires Of Different Groups Of People And How To Exploit Those Secrets And Desires To Make Yourself A Lot Of Money!"
This little book will reveal the core secrets and desires of elderly people and how to sell to them.
This little book will reveal the core secrets and desires of young people and how to sell to them.
This little book will reveal the core secrets and desires of middle-aged people and how to sell to them.
This little book will reveal the core secrets and desires of Black people and how to sell to them.
And Hispanic people.
And Jewish people.
And Asian people.
And other groups like accountants, bankers, electricians, top executives, lawyers, entrepreneurs, nurses, small business owners, dentists, plumbers, engineers, policemen, airline pilots, judges, firemen, and so on.
All in all, I reveal to you the core secrets and desires of 31 groups of people and tell you EXACTLY how to exploit those secrets in your marketing endeavors.
We can send you this little book by snail mail... OR... if you prefer, we will give you a link which actually makes it possible to download the book. In any case, as soon as you have ordered the audio tapes, email me a very brief message. The message should just say something like, "Gary - I have ordered the Electronic Marketing Seminar Tapes. Send me the bonus book by snail mail" ... OR... "Gary - I have ordered the Electronic Marketing Seminar Tapes. Give me the link so I can download the bonus book." Either way we'll get the book to you as fast as humanly possible.
You know what? To tell the truth, this little book is probably worth 10-times more than I'm asking you to pay for the Seminar Package.
Ah whatever. Do what you think is best.
Gary C. Halbert
"The Man Who Exploited What Al Gore Invented"
P.S. Ordering instructions for "Electronic Marketing Seminar Tapes":
The price is $197.00
And BINGO! We Will Send Automatically Send You Your Instant Access Code Email. Its That Simple!