North of Jewfish Creek


Dear Friend & Subscriber,

You better watch out... because... I'm going to try to sell you something with this letter.

What I'm going to try to sell you on is "knowing" something. Knowing it deep down in your heart and guts so you'll never forget it. Knowing it in the wiring of your mental and muscle memories. Knowing it in the core of your being. What I want you to know... what I want to POUND and POUND and POUND into you is this...

You Cannot Multiply Zeros!

And the "zero" I'm talking about in this case is a vapid, limp, non-compelling sales message. I don't care if it's a direct mail letter, a website, a newspaper ad, magazine ad, radio or TV commercial or whatever. If it's a "nothing" message, I don't care how good your ad layout is, how well the ad is typeset. If it's a radio commercial, I care NOT how good the sound effects are or how vibrant, pleasant and commanding the announcer's voice is. If it's a website, I don't care how many website/internet secret tricks and techniques you know.

Take any non-compelling message and show it to someone. That person will not respond. Show it to 10,000 people and none (or pathetically few) of them will respond.

Until recently, the internet made it possible for something to happen which was never possible before in history: The internet made it possible for people who knew NOTHING about marketing to make some money. I'm sitting maybe 12-feet from one of those people right now as I write this. He's a good guy. Smart as hell. More intelligent than me. A stone cold workaholic.

Here's what he used to do: He used to send out (actually he had it done for him) about 30,000,000 e-mails per day. From this, he got about 2,500 responses... from which... he made a good deal of money. Hark unto me. LISTEN to what I'm saying here! (Can you listen to what someone is writing?)

I digress. Allow me to mush on. What I'm trying to tell you is, he was getting 2,500 sales from 30 freaking MILLION impressions. And that...

Is NOT Marketing!

That is like holding 30 MILLION pieces of bacon 3-feet above the water over 10,000 square miles of ocean. Once in a teensy, little while, his strip of bacon was held over a square yard of ocean... where... directly underneath was a dozen or so starving, ravenously hungry fish. These fish were SO hungry, they would climb on each other's backs (like circus performers) until one of them had his head 1/2 inch above the water... and... with a collective shuddering and buckling by all his "buddy" fish... and... and a herculean effort on his part, he was able to catapult himself 3-feet above the surface of the ocean and snarf down that piece of bacon.

How often did this happen? Do the math. It happened about 25 times (or less) for every one MILLION pieces of dangling bacon. That means, he snagged about one fish for every 40,000 pieces of bacon he dangled. That's a big fat .00025% response.

Why was it possible to make money with a pathetic response like this? Well, my friend wasn't doing the emailing. He had that outsourced. And the people he outsourced it to had to pay about $8,000 per month in "infrastructure" costs. That $8,000 allowed them to send 30 MILLION emails per day. Which works out to like being able to send out 120,000 messages for a dollar. Or 1,200,000 messages for $10. Or 10 MILLION messages for $120.

You don't have to have a very good sales message to make a buck with those kinds of numbers, do you?

And yet, most internet "marketers" can't even make money with that kind of math. And, those days are gone forever. Unless, you want to move to Asia, China or some hideous place similar and live so far "on the edge" that... one day... inevitably, several alphabet agencies (with International jurisdiction) will come grab you up and put you in a place where you really, really don't want to be... for... a long, long time.

Internet "marketers" with stratospheric I.Q.s would burst their brains trying to improve the profitability of this pathetic math. They invented pop-up ads, exit pop-ups, affiliate marketing, websites you couldn't escape without turning off your computer, "disguised" spam, and every other trick their greedy hearts could think of.

They wasted all this brain power and energy on all this stuff... which... it if worked... only made a hair's worth of difference in the results. They spent practically no time on the one thing which could have made a 10,000% PLUS difference. The one thing I'm talking about is...

Learning How To Write A

"Killer" Sales Pitch!


I don't give a damn what form of marketing you're in. I don't care how many tricks you know. I don't care how cheap you can buy your media. I don't care if the emails or newspaper ads or stamps and printing are FREE! Even if all this is FREE... if you can't write a "killer" sales message, it is all for naught.

And, there's nobody in the world who can write an absolute "killer" sales message like me.

And more importantly, there's no one on earth who can... teach other people... how to write a sales message like I can teach them.

Take David Allard for example. David ("Memphis Slim") Allard paid $27,000 to come down and spend a month with me. He came with a full stomach and, a completely empty head. Teaching him to write copy was like trying to win an arm wrestling contest against Godzilla. He fought me every step of the way. "Why the hell do I have to do this?" "What's reading all this crap got to do with anything?" "Why are you ignoring me?" (I wasn't.) etc., etc., etc.

But you know what? I TAUGHT that red-neck, inbred, tobacca chewin' (actually, I don't know if he really chews tobacco... but... it sounds good, doesn't it?) Elvis-lovin', good ol' Memphis country boy how to do it... and... right now I rank him right up there with the best-of-the best. (Hell, I'm not sure... but... I think I even gave him a tiny sense of humor.)

David just recently finished his training with me and, faster than a speeding bullet, he's already got about a dozen paying clients and many more in the pipeline. And I'll tell you what, Buckwheat...

If I Can Teach "Memphis Slim" To

Write World-Class Copy... Then...

I Can Surely Teach You!


I've got other people who've sent me non-refundable deposit checks to spend a month at my side. I will honor those requests but, I will accept no more. I can't. It takes too much out of me. But, what I can do (in a seminar setting) is speed-up your copywriting skills by years and years. If you're going to learn to produce good copy... you're going to have to pay.

That doesn't mean you have to pay me. But, you're going to have to pay in the "school-of-hard-knocks" (the most expensive school of all) or you're going to have to pay some other teacher (I guarantee he'll be inferior to me) or you're going to have to pay in YEARS of study... or... you can spend 2-1/2 days with me starting May 14, 15 and 16... and...

Get Yourself Off And

Running... RIGHT NOW!


And, what a great skill it is to know! Personally, I think it's the most valuable business skill there is to have. If you learn copywriting, you can make a fortune for yourself selling your own products. Or, you can be a "pure" copywriter, a "hired-gun" and work for clients from anywhere in the world. If you have to, you can reduce your overhead to a legal pad and a stub of a wooden pencil.

You can live where you choose, answer to no one, make as much money as your ambition allows, choose your own hours, work naked or in a tuxedo. You never have to commute. Work from home. Work outdoors by your pool. Work at the beach. You could be faced with all these choices because...

Good Copywriters Are Almost

Impossible To Find!


I know one guy in Florida who spends over $1,000,000 per year in copywriters. (He'd spend more if he could find someone to spend it on.)

Hundreds of direct marketing companies with monster budgets are desperate to find good copywriters.

Thousands of smaller companies are also desperate to find good copywriters.

Do you know how many people contact me every day hoping I will write copy for them? You wouldn't believe it. I turn almost everybody down. And guess what else?

I Have Almost Nobody

To Recommend To These People!


I taught braindead "Memphis Slim" to write brilliant copy. He's so good, I've decided to use some of his sales pitches as part of my "Motherload Collection". (Which, if you haven't ordered yet, you ain't really serious about learning how to write copy.)

My seminar to teach you to write copy is going to last 2-1/2 days. It's going to be different than my other seminars. Most of my seminars are "fun". This one won't be. I'm going to teach you until you are exhausted. I'm going to work you until you beg for mercy.

But, I'll tell you this: You are going to leave that seminar with something which is 10 times better than a doctor's or a lawyer's degree. And MUCH more valuable. You're going to leave with...

Knowledge Between Your Ears

Which Can Set You Up...

For Life!


John Reese's seminar has inspired me. He left everyone enhanced and massively enriched. He did something else I admired. He did NOT let everybody attend. There are some people who, if they are in the room... dull the charisma of the seminar.

I don't want those people. And, I don't want a lot of people. I don't know how many people will be reading this message. But, according to my Alexa rating and the number of people on my announcement list, it's a lot. Really a lot. A ton of those people are going to want to be at that seminar. But the hotel I've booked it at will hold only 47 attendees.

So, if you want to be one of them, please act fast. This seminar is being sponsored by GPP Investments. It costs $2,700 to attend. BUT, you get that $1,000 discount if you have already purchased my "Motherload Collection" of world-class marketing examples.

If you purchased my "Motherload Collection", all you have to send is $1,700.00. Make your check or money order (sorry, no credit cards) payable to: "GPP Investments" and send it to:

GPP Investments
640 South Miami Ave., Suite 1
Miami, FL  33130

If you are insane or something and you haven't purchased my "Motherload Collection", then you'll have to make your check or money order in the full amount of $2,700.00 and send it to GPP Investments.

The seminar is going to be held in Miami at the Marriott Miami Airport on LeJeune Road. It's about a 5-minute cab ride from the airport. And it's extremely urgent you sign up right now since you have to book your room by April 26 to get the special bargain rate Theresa worked out with them. It's usually $139 per night... but... she twisted their arms until they gave it to her at the rock bottom price of only $89 per night. You can either call their 800-toll-free number (800) 228-9290 or their direct phone number (305) 671-2602 to make your reservation.  The Hotel will have a special code for us that will be posted tomorrow for the "Gary Halbert Seminar"

The name of my seminar is...

How To Write A

Website Pitch That

Will Make You Rich!

It is going to be especially geared to people who have or want to have a website.

But make no mistake. Most of this info will be priceless for any kind of marketing you do. Direct mail. Newspapers. Magazines. Radio. TV. Whatever.

If you're a beginner, a seasoned pro or anything in-between, you need to be at this seminar. That's because you will get so much there that cannot be transmitted through written, audio or video material. You're almost certain to meet people who will be valuable financial contacts for life.

To hell with more of a sales pitch. If you can't get it from what I've already written, I need to be shot. And you, you need to be tortured and then shot.

   Gary C. Halbert


P.S. Once again, to attend my seminar, send your check for either $2,700 or $1,700 (depending on if you've already purchased my "Motherload Collection") to: GPP Investments, 640 S. Miami Ave., Suite 1, Miami, Florida  33130.

If you still haven't purchased my "Motherload Collection", you can do that by sending your check in the amount of $297.00 made payable to "Cherrywood Publishing" at: 3101 S.W. 34th Ave. #905-467, Ocala, Florida 34474.

P.S.#2  I secretly taped John Reese's seminar and he has given me permission to give away those tapes... free... to anyone who attends my seminar.

Sorry, that was a lie. I just wanted to see if I could give John a minor heart attack or stroke. That shit weasel owes me a bone marrow transplant and he refuses to make good on his promise.


Copyright 2003 Gary C. Halbert.  All Rights Reserved.