North of Jewfish Creek

Dear Friend & Subscriber,

OK, dammit, I AM going to put on the free "Patches of Light" seminar!

It's going to be on the 19th, 20th and 21st of April. That's a Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It's going to be in Orlando, Florida... so... if you get bored with me, you can visit Mickey, Minnie, Goofy and their pals.

I'll write more about my "Patches of Light" seminar at the end of this letter. But now, I want to talk about Voice Broadcasts (sometimes known as "phone blasts") and how they might help you make a lot of extra fungolas.

First, telemarketing has been around for a long time and it has a deservedly bad reputation. Ask 100 people what they think about telemarketers and those 100 people will say...

"Telemarketers Suck!"

But, methinks that's not exactly the case with this new voice broadcast technology. Here's one example of how this modern technology can be used. You start with a list of people who have a common interest in something. Of course, you have to have the telephone numbers of all these people.

Perhaps this is your own in-house list of your personal, existing customers. If not, you should know there are hundreds of mailing lists you can rent in which you not only get the names and addresses... but also... the telephone numbers of all the people on that list.

Now listen up: The selection of the list you are going to use is... by far... the most important decision you are going to make in this entire equation. It doesn't matter how well you do everything else... if... you are working with a tired, exhausted list of people who have no interest in what you are selling. In fact, when it comes to marketing, the most important element is always...

How Well You Target
Your Prospects!

Blue collar, beer-guzzling, pick-up-truck-driving-dumb-asses... ain't... gonna buy your high-priced golf clubs... no matter... how good your sales pitch is.

OK, let's say you're gonna start with your own list. Let's say you've got 100,000 people on your list and, it's been awhile since you have contacted them. You write a great sales letter and send it to the list. Your mailing is profitable. It pulls in x%.

Let's see if we can sweeten the pot just a bit? On the day after you drop your mail, you record a message something like this:

    "Hi, this is John Q. Everett calling. I just wanted to tell you I mailed you a very important letter yesterday. It's coming in a yellow envelope and it has a sample of the kind of bills they are using for money now in Afghanistan. There's a very interesting story in the letter about this. And, if you hate the Taliban terrorists as much as I do, you will really enjoy reading this letter. So watch for it. Remember, it was mailed yesterday by first-class mail and it's coming in a yellow envelope. Thanks for hearing me out."

    OK, Sweetcheeks, remember how you got x% response when you mailed   that letter all by itself with no telephone call? Guess what kind of response you are going to get when you "enhance" your mailing with     the kind of 30-second telephone message you just read? Well, instead    of x response... you are going to get...

3 Times x Response!

That's right, Bubba. By using the method I just told you about, you are going to increase the pull of all your mailings by approximately 300%!

Here's a couple of important things:

Important Thing #1:

These calls are all made during the day. Not at night as I thought (and told you) a couple months ago.
Important Thing #2:


These calls will terminate automatically if a live person answers. The message will only be left on an answering machine or voicemail.

       Actually, you can have the message delivered if a live person answers... but... that's not the way I would do it.

Let's explore a different scenario: Let's say you are mailing to an outside rented list. One that is not made up of your own customers. Here's how I would change the message:

  "Hi, this is John Q. Everett calling. You don't know me but, I mailed you a very important letter yesterday. It's coming in a yellow envelope and it has a sample of the kind of bills they are using for money now in Afghanistan. There's a very interesting story in the letter about this. And, if you hate the Taliban terrorists as much as I do, you will really enjoy reading this letter. So watch for it. Remember, it was mailed yesterday by first-class mail and it's coming in a yellow envelope. Thanks for hearing me out."

Not much of a change was it? The only extra words I added were: "You don't know me but..."

You know why these are the only words I added? Because... those are the only words that needed to be added.

Let's mush on.

Another scenario: This time we're not even going to make a mailing. We're gonna do it all with telephone calls! We've rented a mailing list of avid golfers. We've got their names, addresses and telephone numbers. Now you send out a telephone blast something like this:

  "Hi, my name is John Q. Everett. You don't know me but, I understand you are an avid golfer just like me. Well, guess what? I just learned two simple tricks from a one-legged man... who... in spite of his obvious physical challenge, plays scratch golf. What he taught me was how to immediately add 30 to 60 yards on all my tee shots... plus... he showed me a way to improve my putting accuracy by 550%. If you'd like to know more about what he taught me, hit zero on your telephone right now and you will hear a 4-minute recorded message that tells you all about this. If you are not interested, please accept my apology for taking your time."


This message will only be delivered to live people (it will terminate if the call is picked up by an answering machine or voicemail). When you reach a live person and if he does hit zero, he will hear a 4-minute sales message about the golfing secrets you have discovered and, how by giving you some fungolas, he can get the secrets and the equipment necessary for him to achieve a dramatic improvement in his golf score.

Here's a neat thing about this: After the guy listens to your 4-minute recorded pitch (and, it can be shorter or longer than 4-minutes) he can press another key on his telephone keypad which will connect him to a live order taker. Actually, he can do this when the message is over... or... anytime during the message... even before it's finished.

Or, he can press another key to leave you a message.

Or, he can press another key which will get him a fax-on-demand.

And listen, that last message could be slightly altered so it would work with an answering machine and voicemail. I'm not going to tell you how to alter that script to do this... because... if you can't figure it out for yourself... you are so pig-shit stupid, you should be working at McDonald's.

Actually, there are so many other ways you can use this technology, it makes me dizzy. But, don't you ever forget this: No matter how dazzling the technology that makes this all work...

It Is The Quality Of The List You
Are Using And The Quality Of Your
Message That Really Determines Whether
Your Marketing Campaign Works... Or... Fails!

Here is a somewhat edited version of the information one company who offers this technology faxed to me:

The Ultimate Marketing System
Here's how the latest technology will completely automate all your Lead
Generation, Follow up and Customer Interaction:

Voice Broadcast
Create a steady flow of new clients or referrals by recording  a
30-60 second "teaser" voice message about your product or services.
Then send it outbound automatically to hundreds of thousands of your prospects' or clients' answering machines or voicemail. In your message, invite them to call your private toll-free phone number to hear a 24-hour FREE recorded message for more information.

Automatic Marketing Hotline
When your prospect or client calls your toll-free hotline, they will
hear your pre-recorded message giving them more detailed
information and any special offers you may have. After listening, they will
have the option of pressing "0" to speak with you directly, or pressing "2" to
leave you a message, or pressing "8" to receive a fax-on-demand.
Every caller's phone number is captured!

 Auto-Voice Responder
Whether your client or prospect hangs up during your
recording or leaves a message on your Automatic Hotline, the Auto-
Voice Responder will immediately dial back your captured phone number
and play the proper customized response you've recorded. This gives you a
second opportunity to present a new or different offer. After listening,
they have the option of pressing "0" to speak with you directly, or
pressing "2" to leave you a message, or pressing "8"
to receive a fax-on-demand.


What you have just read is not my words. It is the words of one of the companies who sell this technology. Here are some of the other things they have to say in their literature:

' "Our Customer Support team will lead you... even drag you... toward the success you've always dreamed of."

( "We'll initially help you write 2 turn-key campaigns for both Voice Broadcast and your Automatic Hotline. We'll even record the scripts for you, so you can start generating business immediately."

' "You don't have to be a rocket scientist to implement it."

( "A turn-key, practical, low maintenance, inexpensive Business Generating system which offers MAXIMUM rewards for MINIMUM effort." (Hmn? Wonder where they got the idea for that phraseology?)

' "This information is delivered pressure-free with a warm, friendly non-salesy educational approach."

A thought before I go on: You know the message for the golf

deal? Well, given my druthers, that message would be delivered by a golf celebrity. Like Tiger Woods if I could get him.

Anyhoo, there's much more to know about this "phone blast" stuff than I can put in this letter. Plus, I probably got some of it wrong. Like before when I wrote these calls are made at night... only to find out, they are really made during the day.

But, I'm pretty sure I've got the gist of it right. And certainly, I've told you enough for you to know if you are interested or not.

Personally, I think this could turn out to be a very sweet deal. Here's how you can find out all the facts about this exciting new technology. Just contact:

Jeff Troyer
Automatic Response Technologies
154 Avenue Victoria
San Clemente, CA  92672
Phone: 800/854-8765
Fax: 949/498-2591

Sorry I don't have his cell phone number, his beeper number, the serial number of his palm pilot, his driver's license number, his social security number, his home address, the name and description of his mistress (maybe he doesn't even have one), his bank account number, his credit card number and so forth.

See, I don't know this guy all that well so, you'll just have to make do with the meager contact information I've given you.

On to other stuff. In my December issue, I offered free telephone consultations to anyone who wanted one. I've been giving those free consultations until I'm blue in the face and, according to the feedback I've been getting, my advice has helped a lot of people immensely.

But, I haven't been able to reach everybody. I have called some people half a dozen times before I gave up. A few idiots left me their beeper numbers instead of their telephone numbers.

Get real!

Anyway, I am now shredding all the remaining requests I have for free consultations. If you still really want a free consultation, I'll try to accommodate you. But, you have to call and make another request and leave one or more numbers where you are easily accessible... because...

I Won't Make Myself Crazy
Calling You Over And Over!

Let's talk about mail delivery in this so-called "Age-of-Anthrax." Here is the text of a written message from Alice of Specialized Mailing. (They're great people and their telephone number is 1-888-444-2284):

"I, Alice Mishica, PERSONALLY delivered all of Gary Halbert's domestic,
Canadian, and international newsletters, all weighing exactly 1 oz., to the Santa
Ana General Mail Facility at 11:15 am on Saturday, November 10th.

"It takes a woman!"

Alrighty then. I asked my subscribers to fill out a "Valued Subscriber Contact Form" which (among other things) asked them to tell me when they received my December newsletter. Out of 100% of the replies I received within the first 30-days, here's how it broke down:

41% received my newsletter 3-days after it was mailed.

15% received my newsletter 4-days after it was mailed.

14% received my newsletter 5-days after it was mailed.

14% received my newsletter 6-days after it was mailed.

5% received my newsletter 7-days after it was mailed.

6% received my newsletter 8-days after it was mailed.

1% received my newsletter 9-days after it was mailed.

1% received my newsletter 10-days after it was mailed.

3% received my newsletter 11-days after it was mailed.

Know what I think? I think, in this "Age-of-Anthrax"...

Direct Mail Is Still The
"Jackpot" Way To Produce Fungolas!

For one thing, as far as competition goes, it has thinned out the weak (cowardly) members of the herd.

Now, let's go all the way back to the beginning of this letter. Remember I said, "OK, dammit, I AM going to put on a free 'Patches of Light' seminar!"? Well, that seminar is, in fact, going to be free. And like I said, it's going to be on Friday, Saturday and Sunday the 19th, 20th and 21st of April. And like I said, it's going to be in Orlando, Florida. And like I said, this is where Mickey, Minnie, Goofy and their pals live... so... you might want to bring Mama and let her take the kids to see Mickey and Friends. But one thing I didn't tell you is...

You Can Bring ALL The Guests You Want!

There is going to be something very special about this seminar which is going to make it extremely valuable! (You'll have to show up to find out.)

Is anybody NOT welcome? Yep. I do NOT want a single negative person to attend. I do NOT want a single "sour-minded" person to attend. Do you have some ill feelings toward me? Are you pissed at me for some reason? If so...

Do NOT Come!

It's free, but you do have to do one thing to make sure you can     get in. You have to let us know you are coming and how many people    you are bringing to the seminar with you... plus... you have to let us know immediately! You can either:

1. Leave a message on our voicemail at 305/534-7577 and give us
ALL this information; or

2. You can fax ALL this info to us at 352/861-1665; or

3. You can write us (if you do it right now!) by using the address on the first page of this newsletter.

(It's up at the top of the letterhead, you dummy.)


See, we've got to know immediately how many people are coming so we can determine which hotel we should use... and... what size seminar room we should rent.

   Gary C. Halbert
PR Man For "Dialing-For-Dollars"



Hey Man, I really write a bitch of a newsletter, don't I?  (Compare it, for example, to that "package-of-shit" Joe Polish sends out every month!)



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