Dear friend and
talk about sex.
few years ago I was browsing in a Studio City bookstore when the
devil made me pick up a girlie magazine called High Society. The
devil then further directed my attention to the middle of the
magazine whereupon he forced me to examine the centerfold of the
month in minute detail.
for the devil.
there she was, all spread out in her nude, nubile glory, beckoning me
to feast my eyes on every square inch of her lush, wanton, young
body. But that's not all she was beckoning me to do. No, Sir! She was
also beckoning me to call her at a special number so I could hear her
passionately profess how much she wanted my body.
And so I
so did a few other people. In fact, if my info is correct, some of
those centerfold ladies receive...
Calls Per Day!
That's a lot of heavy breathing, ain't it? But, so what? What
ramifications, if any, does this have to do with our marketing
Just wait. Now listen, do you know how this business of 976 numbers
works? It's sort of like this: What you do is you go to Ma Bell and
tell her you want to have some 976 numbers. Then you arrange to buy
or lease some phone answering equipment. All this will cost you a few
thou. O.K., after you've got all this in place, what you do is you
run ads or mail letters or somehow entice people to call your 976
number to hear a recorded message.
numbers go something like this: First, the customer (he who does the
dialing) must pay his normal phone charges. What this means is that
if your 976 number is located in the 212 area code and he is calling
from area code 213, then he must pay a long distance toll charge.
However, if he is calling from the same area code, there is, of
course, no long distance charge.
he must also pay a fee (usually about $2.00) for the privilege of
listening to the info on the 976 recorded message.
what happens to this $2.00 fee? Aha, I thought you'd never ask. Hear
this: The fee is collected by Ma Bell (it is added to the caller's
phone bill) and Ma keeps about $.50 of it and sends the rest (about
$1.50) to you!
interesting, isn't it?
us press on. Remember that centerfold girl who invited me to call her
so she could tell me how hot she was for my bod? Do you know that
what she told me after her recorded message got me all hot and
bothered? Well, listen to this! What she told me at the end of her
recording is that, if I wanted to talk to her live and, if I had a
credit card, I could call another number and would have the hottest
conversation of my life!
yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
on, all ye who would think ill of me. I'm not getting excited about
all that heavy breathing; I'm getting excited about those numbers!
see now, if some of those centerfold girls get 500,000 calls per day,
that's uh, about 750,000.00 to he who owns the 976 numbers. And I
wonder how many of those people with credit cards get excited enough
to call and talk to a live girl? What do you think? 20%? 10%? 5%?
Naw. That seems too high to me. Let's base our numbers on a 1%
1% of 500,000 is 5,000. Right? And what does it cost a credit card
holder to listen to a real life girl talk dirty? Well, according to
my informants, it's about $35.00 for 15 minutes. And how much is
$35.00 times 5,000 callers? Check it out. It seems to me it's another
now, I bet you want to know more about this 976 business, don't you?
But you're probably just like me. In other words, even though you'd
like to know how to apply all this to your own efforts, you don't
want to call one of those "dial-a-porn" numbers by mistake,
now do you? And so, as a public service, I, Sir Gary of Halbert, am
hereby providing a list of numbers in the 213 area code you must
avoid dialing at all cost. Therefore, no matter what, I implore
Not Call These Numbers!
Sex Talk 976-1133
Live Oral Excitement 976-6400
Candy Store 976-5477
Hi Baby 976-5683
Soap Opera 976/4277
Pick Your Pleasure (1-6) 976-8800
Let Me Please You 976-0200
Story Serial 976-6622
Adult Fantasies 976-5511
Story Serial #2 976-GLOW
Come True 976-7399
Beautiful Lady 976-7729
Ultimate Male Fantasy976-8665
Your Own Sex Ad 976-LUVV
Film Stars Live 976-9111
Especially Not These!
Bulletin Board 976-6600
Real Live Phone Sex 976-6644
Beach Girls 976-0404
with Young Actors 976-4323
Gay Talk Line 976-BARS
Phone Sex 976-DOIT
Talk with Young Hunks 976-7742
You Have Been Warned!
I'm glad that's out of the way! Anyway, now that we know what not to
do, how can we cash in on this 976 business for our own, more
respectable business endeavors?
How about this?
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1987 Gary C. Halbert. All Rights Reserved