North of Jewfish Creek

Dear Friend & Subscriber,

   Not that you should care... but... I no longer have a woman in my life.

   I'm terrible with women. In spite of my advanced years, there have been very few members of the opposite sex with whom I've had a "serious" or even semi-serious relationship.

   They've all gone bad. And, it was never my fault. Not even a little bit. It was always "them" who ruined everything.

   The last one, the one that just ended was with a lady who is blond, pretty, slim, (she exercises like a fiend) and extremely intelligent. An upstate and a "city" New Yorker. A graduate from Syracuse University with a bachelor's in psychology and a master's in special education. Worked with abused children for about eight years until she couldn't handle it anymore. Loves classical music, got me to love it too. Was delighted when I called her on my cell phone from Pavoratti's magnificent concert here in Miami Beach. She wasn't home but, when she got back to her apartment... there was Luciano himself singing live on her answering machine.


   Sadly, this woman (even after a full year of exposure to me) has not found it within her to accept the simple and obvious truth that Gary Halbert is "the man who should always get his way."

   The last "sort of" love of my life (before the aforementioned bull-headed pit viper) was a young southern girl who was beautiful inside and out. I remember when I brought her back to Key West how she sat on the plane in her little southern dress, wearing a funny, little southern hat... and... reading her Bible all the way to make sure God wouldn't let the plane go down.

   Truly special. She had a "sweetness of soul" and a "goodness" which I've only seen in one other woman. (Paulette Teta.) She was as slender and pretty as a flower. I say "was" because she was murdered about a month ago. Stabbed 14 times in one of the most hideous acts of violence of this decade. But, of course, the guy who did it was not O.J., Sherry Pierce was not Nicole Simpson, and so, I guess this "Life Interrupted" (at age 29) was of comparatively little consequence.

   Not to those of us who were blessed by knowing her, though.

   And then there's Paulette herself who is now married to an Episcopalian priest. How can that be? How could any woman abandon me, a gentle man of tact and delicacy for what I would assume to be a blunt, mean-spirited and socially indelicate man of the cloth? Actually, I'd bet just about anything he is, in fact, a wonderful man. He'd just about have to be to capture the heart and soul of someone as special as Paulette.

   Congratulations to the both of you. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Go with God and never cease to value and cherish each other.

   Then there was Nancy, Loretta, Arlene, Christine and all the others who didn't deserve me. It's all so unfair. Therefore, I've made the only intelligent decision I can think of... which is...

I'm Finished With
Women Forever!

   I've decided to become a pro at self-pity. I love to feel sorry for myself. And fortunately, I've found some help with this. I've come across a book which has become my personal Bible. It's called...

Meditations For Miserable People
(Who Want To Stay That Way)

   This book helps me stay centered on the true nature of my being. It contains invaluable insights which I now totally embrace. They have become so much a part of me now, that these thoughts pop up automatically anytime I start to get off base:

L   If I let go of the feelings which cause me pain, I would have no feelings at all.

L   When God shuts the door, He opens a window... then pisses out of it onto my life.

L   I deserve true love... even if it costs me $3.99 a minute.

L   The first step in finding God is accepting His presence and the fact He's just ignoring me.

L   If I am honest with myself, loneliness and despair are easily within reach.

L   (Here's my favorite): A new day can begin to suck at any time... like right now, for instance.

L   Life is best measured one miserable failure at a time.

L   Jealousy is wanting what others have. Stupidity is thinking I might one day get it.

L   I have no "significant other" because I myself am insignificant.

L   By writing my fears down on paper I will see not only I am afraid of everything but I also have bad penmanship.

L   Life isn't over when we die... it's pretty much over right now.

L   Opportunity is nothing more than discovering a new way to fail.

L   Everyone makes mistakes, especially the people who think I have a life.

L   Painful feelings don't last forever. They're simply replaced by more painful feelings.

L   God isn't saving the best for last, He's saving it for someone other than me.

L   The ending of one failure is nothing more than the beginning of another.

L   Inside every problem lies the seeds to even more problems.

L   Being willing to ask for help is the first step in realizing no one wants to help a loser like me.

   And so on. There is much more truth and wisdom in this book. I highly recommend it. It was written by Dan Goodman, published by St. Martin's Paperbacks, costs only $7.99 and it's in all the big bookstores. Get it. It can help you be more like me! By the way, the final page in this wonderful, little guide to life offers up a true gem. Here are the words I now live by:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know I really can't do either."

   Enough nourishment for the soul. Let's talk about business. One of my clients is Phillips Publishing. As far as I can tell, they have every really great copywriter in the U.S. already working for them. That means they have all six or eight of us.

   Writing for Phillips requires every ounce of skill, concentration and judgment a copywriter can possess. Just the research alone for one of their projects can take up to 500 hours. Beyond that, whomever is doing the research needs to be skilled on what to research.

   How does Phillips get these great copywriters? Simple: They pay more than any other company in the U.S. At Phillips, nobody makes as much money as the copywriters except the owner, Tom Phillips. This is as it should be. And, you know what's funny? Phillips is eager and willing to find copywriters they can pay $1,000,000 per year and more.

   But it seems there are hardly any left. These days, the task is not to find any more great copywriters. No, now the task is to find someone (anyone) who can maybe be taught to become one and...

To Do The Amount Of
Work That's Required!

   Different copywriters work in different ways. One of the best, John Carlton, always starts by writing the "bullets" first. After that, he then goes on to writing the headline, subhead, body copy and ordering instructions. "Bullets" are extremely important. They are the little one or two line "teaser" statements about whatever it is the copywriter is trying to sell you.

   OK, now that I've reminded you of the importance of "bulletizing", I've got a very important observation to share with you. Did you see the movie Jurassic Park? The guy who wrote it wrote an earlier book titled Congo which I've just started to read. (By the way, it's a "can't-put-it-downer".) Anyway, the book is populated with several really top level researchers who have I.Q.'s reaching to the stars. These people compete for grant money to fund their research projects. One of the characters in the book is especially adept at getting grants.

   Yes, he is brilliant and doing important research. But, so are the other scientists competing against him for their funds. Why does he get chosen so often over the others? Simply, because he is obsessed with his project. Here's a quote from the book:

"Sometimes it's difficult to tell who is the more brilliant but we look for something more important: We look for who is the most driven!"

   That's a point so valid, you should never forget it. Years ago, I was driven. I was obsessed with becoming the best advertising copywriter in the world. Whether or not I succeeded is beside the point. What's germane is what I did in furtherance of this noble goal: (1) I ignored my wife, (2) I ignored my children, (3) I wrote advertising during the day, (4) I studied advertising in the evening and (5) ...

I Dreamt About
It At Night!

   Would you like to be good enough to write for Phillips or some other company which would be happy to pay you a million or more every year? Or, do it yourself so you can pay yourself a huge pile of money?

   Let's see if you've got what it takes.

   Go get five hundred 3x5 index cards. Go to a big newsstand and get dozens of magazines. (If you're strapped for money, you can do this in a library for free.) Only get those magazines with lots of teaser copy ("bullets") on the covers. Cosmopolitan is just about tops when it comes to this. Write one bullet on each index card. Try to pick out only really "Hot Bullets." Keep at it until you have 500 cards with 500 bullets. Then, make a copy of all those 500 cards and send them to me.

   What will you get if you do this? Most importantly, you'll get a neurological imprint of writing good bullets. Secondly, you'll get mentioned in this newsletter as someone who is "willing to pay the price." Thirdly, if, in addition to being willing to also pay the price, you also have (or later develop) some talent in writing complete marketing packages, there's a chance I'll give your name to one of the legions of people who call me to see if I can recommend a good copywriter.

   But, the real payoff is what you'll be giving yourself by the simple act of doing it.

   Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts.

   But, how do you recognize a "Hot Bullet"? Well, until you get some experience, it is somewhat subjective. However, here's some help: What follows is a collection of bullets on different subjects. Each of these was written by John Carlton and nobody is better at "bulletizing" than him. Study John's work. Start by writing each of these bullets on a separate 3x5 index card. Then, when you "have the feel" for it, you go out to the magazine stand or library and do whatever's necessary until you've got 500 more.

   Sucks, doesn't it? Can't say as I blame you if you don't want to be bothered with this... but... just in case you've got the stuff, here's John's bullets to get you started:

  • The 58 most important questions you need to ask yourself before you can really start to pile up the profits in your business!

  • The 7-step formula that even an illiterate drop-out can use to write advertising copy 100 times more potent than the best Madison Avenue ad agency!

  • How the 3 Basic Elements found in every single successful (multi-million dollar) television infomercial can also be used to boost the profitability of your newspaper ads!

  • Why your "back end" may be 1,000 times more profitable than your initial sale... and what to do to take advantage of it now!

  • Tips from trouble-shooting experts on how to spot problems hurting your business and the triple-step technique they use to solve them fast!

  • The 10 easiest markets "rookie" copywriters can tap for maximum profit with minimum risk!

  • "Insider" tips from the world's savviest (and richest) businessmen on how to shortcut your way to obscene riches and success!

  • A truly "no brainer" (yet usually overlooked) way to bump the amount of your average order by 100% or more... automatically!

  • The absolutely essential First 3 Things you must do before you attempt to sell anything to anyone!

  • How to find -- without spending a red cent -- the perfect magazines and newspapers (with the most rabid and eager-to-buy readers) to run your ads in all over the world!

  • Why you're already sitting on the best possible "bonus" you could ever offer -- and how to use it to make your sales soar!

  • 20 Guaranteed Ways to increase readership and response to your sales letters and ads... without touching your current copy!

  • The single most important element of any sales message... and how to exploit it for maximum sales!

  • The Real Reason people choose to buy anything -- the secret truth long known by master salesmen, sociologists and "con men" finally revealed!

  • How to put on your own seminars without nightmares... including how much to charge, how to structure the daily sessions, and how to write the all-important sales letter that puts the fannies in the seats!

  • Exact word-for-word samples of sales letters that brought in millions... and how to adapt those same letters for your own business!

  • Tested appeals and "grabbers" that guarantee readership... and tested "closers" that almost force people to send you money!

  • Why having money or a nice car is 100% irrelevant to having a great love-life! (And the 3 "basics" that are relevant, but ignored by nearly every lonely guy!)

  • How to "read" the signals of women who are dying to date you right now! (They think they're being obvious, but I'll bet you're blind to these signals. Just learning this one secret -- how to "read" women -- will boost your "romance potential" through the roof!)

  • Proven ways to get women to initiate "accidental" dates that are pressure-free!

  • How to easily "position" yourself so women actually compete for your attention!

  • How to turn everyday items in your pocket (or your wife's purse) into vicious weapons that will (1) show you mean business, (2) instantly frighten anyone with an ounce of common sense, and (3) allow you to dominate any situation with a single blow!

  • How to maintain the "right" kind of peak sexual energy that excites women! (Most guys worry -- unnecessarily -- about "performance"... but you won't, anymore!)

  • The one huge mistake all inexperienced fighters make in their head that guarantees they will be turned into victims... and how to "parlay" it into an advantage that will give YOU an instant 200% increase in your chances of winning -- even if it's your first fight ever!

  • Why your weight, strength, speed and agility are the least important parts of winning a street altercation! (And why the one simple secret that is important will give you an immediate and enormous advantage over any other fighter you meet!)

  • How to automatically avoid the blunders that get even nationally-ranked karate masters demolished in street fights! (It's called "Stress Shock Phenomenon", and once you've stored this knowledge in your nervous system, you'll never "freeze up"  or panic when your adrenaline starts to flow and the dirt hits the fan! Yet there isn't a karate studio in the country that knows how to teach this crucial part of winning fights!)

  • Why your fist may be the absolute worst weapon you can use in hand-to-hand combat! (And exactly how to strike so you won't damage any part of yourself!)

  • Simple fight-ending moves that require no strength whatsoever! (I know of arthritic 80-year-old grandmothers who have knocked young male attackers senseless!)

  • The "voice tool" that will immediately change your attitude from calm to dominant in any surprise situation!

  • How to use a little-known "positioning secret" to completely cancel out the superior size or experience of your attacker! (Size and strength are meaningless when you know this secret!)

  • Why a simple "mock" submissive action will always fool a larger opponent... and set him up for quick, easy fight-ending moves!

  • How to gain an immediate "Psychological Edge" when someone pulls a knife on you... and how to spot the 4 most common methods of knife attacks so you can win with a minimum of fuss and blood!

  • How to "set up" the perfect sexual encounter with your lover every time!

  • The clumsy mistakes 90% of all men make during lovemaking... and how to quickly learn the "inside" secrets of the most satisfied 10%!

  • The NUMBER ONE rule that absolutely must be observed for women to have a truly mind-blowing orgasm!

  • The secret "reward" for men who give their women the "fuel" for feeling in love all day long, every day! (Not one man in a thousand understands this "fail-safe" secret of excruciating happiness... and those who do almost never share it with even their closest friends!)

  • How to guarantee every thought your lover has of you is super-charged with pleasure, excitement and white-hot anticipation!

  • The 20-minute secret that can turn your sex life around overnight! (It's so simple, you'll kick yourself for not having thought of it yourself!)

  • How to "touch" a woman to guarantee mind-altering sex... a technique so simple it's astonishing that nearly 3/4's of all women never learn it themselves!

  • Why smart men know how a simple "secret" non-sexual act at home can -- when handled correctly -- take on the "charged" quality of a warm, sexually-satisfying feeling for many women! (It's so simple it's almost like "cheating"!)

  • The specific secrets of "over the top" fabulous sexual technique! (Have you ever "blacked out" from pure sexual pleasure before?)

  • What women really want from a man! (Nine out of ten men are absolutely floored by this secret!)

  • The amazing reason why Prozac is so popular in this country! (Almost no one understands the startling sexual implications!)

  • How to start having explosive sex tonight... with the simple basics of great, world-class love techniques!

  • The secret of finding the most efficient aerobic program for burning off fat with your specific body type! (Leo researched for 7 months with professional bodybuilding stars in the U.S. and Germany to discover the key to this "inside" secret!)

  • Details of the all-new "Eat Everything You Love" diet that frightened the professionals... until they saw Leo change into the leanest, meanest muscleman they'd ever seen! (It's the easiest, yet most potent diet you've ever seen... one you can live on happily for the rest of your life! Leo was gobbling banana milkshakes, carrot cake, soda pop, ice cream and "Mama Juanita's" super-grande burritos on "carb-days" throughout his training!)

  • Why the "experts" you read about in the muscle mags are just dead-wrong in much of their training advice for you for maximum growth! (Even though a technique may have worked for them, it might not work for you... especially if you follow the advice of juice-heads who have spent most of their lives training on steroids!)

  • How to handle the "side-effects" of your increased sexual energy you'll get on this program! (A real unexpected bonus!)

  • How a "secret" 5-inch change in your hip placement translates into massive power for your golf stroke! (Not one pro in a thousand even suspects the potency of this simple adjustment!)

  • Why the new "lag" in your swing will cause your buddies to shake their heads... until they see you consistently out-drive them by 40, 50 and 60 yards off every tee! (I guarantee they'll make you play with one of their balls, just to make sure you aren't cheating somehow!)

  • How to use the secret of "choking down" to master any club in your bag... no matter how horrible you were with it before!

  • The single most important move you can make in any altercation -- it's what your body wants to do, but what most people panic about and refuse to allow themselves to do! (Yet it will save your life!)

  • How to use a simple "cat-like" move to instantly position yourself to deliver the easiest knock-out blow imaginable -- a strike so natural your grandmother could pull it off against Mike Tyson!

  • How to instantly "shut down" an attacker's testosterone levels, using your body's own built-in "brick". (Even a 90 lb. woman possesses this amazing rock-hard weapon!)

  • When to use the most simple strike you'll ever learn... an unstoppable natural move so effective in ending fights it's not allowed in full-contact karate tournaments! (Instant disqualification -- it's also a move that 99% of the most brutal street fighters you'll ever encounter have never seen before... and don't know how to defend against!)

  • How to use the "hip-swinging secret" soldiers use to drop opponents instantly -- no speed or strength required, yet it's like driving a 160 lb. bar of lead into the bad guy's belly! (It's so effective, you don't even have to come close to hitting your "target" area... even the sloppiest attempt by you will bring him to his knees!)

  • How to use a super-effective, completely unexpected technique straight out of the "Three Stooges" to cause any attacker to automatically (1) back up, (2) raise his hands in defense, and (3) blink rapidly... all of which instantaneously reverses the tables and makes your attacker suddenly vulnerable to a fight-ending blow you can deliver in your own sweet time!

  • Why all elite soldiers are given "permission" to use the one street fighter's Secret Weapon we are all taught from kindergarten not to use... and how you can use it to quickly remove yourself from any situation where you have been surprised from behind!

  • How to use the other "dirty" street-fighting tool not allowed in any civilized boxing or karate match... because of it's immediate ability to disorientate and topple your opponent! (It also works when you do it incorrectly!)

   Hey, that was fun reading, wasn't it? However, let me remind you once again: YOU CAN'T WRITE LIKE THIS WITHOUT PAYING THE PRICE!

   Get those index cards. Write out those bullets. Then write out 500 more. Give yourself the gift of a "million dollar neurological imprint"!

   It will serve you well the rest of your days.

   Gary C. Halbert


P.S.  Oh wait! I now have an underground "jungle" video (no "production values" at all) on a secret, low-tech device that can help (if you have a personal computer) increase your cash-flow by as much as 10,000%! If you want a copy of this video, you're going to have to shell out $35.00 to get it.

      Just write your name and address and the words "underground video" on a piece of paper and send it to my office with your check or money order made out to "The Gary Halbert Letter."

      Please don't call. The people who work with me don't know what this is all about and I don't have the time to personally explain it to several thousand people. Also, you should not order unless you have a PC. This video won't do you any good at all unless you are at least a tiny bit computer literate.


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