South of Jewfish Creek

Dear Friend & Subscriber,

The most valuable skill you can have in today's world... if... you want to become independently wealthy... is... the ability to write a great  sales letter!

No other skill even comes close.

Now, when I say "sales letter" I do mean conventional direct mail sales letters... but... that same skill is the one you must have to create a great space ad, a great TV commercial, a great website, a great telephone script, etc. It would probably be more accurate to refer to this skill... as... the ability to write a great sales... message.

If you have the ability to write a great sales message, you can have all the money you want, all the women you want, all the fame you want... and... all the fun you want.

OK, with all that as preamble, I'd like to say, in my opinion...

There Is Not A Single
Website Designer In The
United States That Knows
What He/She Is Doing!

People who hold themselves out to be website designers SUCK. They know nothing about how to create sales. What they do know is, how to get you to spend an enormous amount of money to have them create for you a so-called "professional" website that will impress people with what a "web-savvy" guy you are.

Everything a website designer will do for you is stupid. (NOTE: For our purposes, the definition of "stupid" is "that which hinders sales.") The first sign (usually) your website designer is a sales idiot is... he will tell you he knows ways to get your website included in the "top ten" when somebody uses a search engine to look for something. What this means is, he knows a lot of ways to "trick" people to go to your website. This, in turn, will get you a lot of "visits" or "Hits" as the pros call them. What "HITS" really stands for is... "How Idiots Track Success." Often, you'll hear a not-too-swift website owner say, "I got 94,000 Hits last week!"

"Gee," you respond, "how many sales did you make?"

"Oh, we can't reveal that," you will hear the person reply.

You're damn right they can't. Who wants to reveal they got 94,000 hits and three $4.95 sales? Doesn't sound so good when you look at it that way, does it?

The second clue (as if one was needed) your professional website designer is a stupid ass is, him constructing your site in such a way... that... it takes forever to load! He'll put a lot of graphics on your site. A lot of animation. A lot of color photos. A lot of hard-to-read text like light purple words against a dark purple background.

Looky here, Truthseeker, when a person goes to your website, they will be looking for information. Easy-to-access, easy-to-read, easy-to-understand information. All that other shit on your site will irritate readers like crazy.

The next and last major clue your website designer is a stupid idiot will be revealed when he tells you how you should promote your website. Here's the acid test: If he suggests you promote your website by using the Internet (in any fashion whatsoever) he's full of it up to his eyeballs.

And now, we come to a simple, simple truth...

You Can't Be A
Great Website Creator Unless
You Are A Great Copywriter First!

Honey, if you ain't a good copywriter, it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to create a great website. You might be able to create a great-looking website, a fascinating website, a website which will get people talking, a website which will attract media attention... but... unless you are a great copywriter...

Your Stupid Dipshit
Website Won't Sell A Damned Thing!

Who is the best website creator in the U.S.? What a dumb question! It's me (of course) you dummy. Ah shit, there you are, fully aware of all my past copywriting miracles and you're still wondering, "Is he still really the best? Is he really up-to-date on making this high-tech Internet stuff work?"

You insult me. But, I suppose (sigh) I'll have to prove myself once again. OK, Buckwheat, here's a little ad I want you to read.

Free Website Reveals Little-Known Facts About
Most Famous Personal Ad Ever Written!

In 1985, a man named Gary was lonely in Los Angeles... so... he decided to write a personal ad.

It was a full-page ad that ran in the Valley Edition of a tabloid-sized paper called "L.A. Weekly"... and... that ad has become the most famous personal ad in history. The response was enormous. He received letters, photographs and even audio tapes from women all over Los Angeles, all over the United States and all over the world.

l The ad was featured on one of the biggest radio stations in Los Angeles (KABC) five different times!

l Several producers wanted to make a movie based on the ad!

l Several other producers wanted to make a TV series based on the ad!

l Several publishers wanted Gary to write a book based on the ad!

l The owners of the now-defunct "Intro" magazine wanted to hire Gary to write for their publication!

l Gary was asked to give an endless series of TV, radio


and newspaper interviews based on the ad!

l The ad was used in France to teach English to college students!

And so on.

Gary wasn't interested in any of this. All he wanted was to meet a few special women and put a little spice and romance into his life.

He got what he wanted and he ended up in a seven-year relationship with a beautiful redhead.

But, alas, that relationship has ended... and so... he has written another personal ad. Only this time, it's on the Internet... and... it's probably safe to say, you've never read another personal ad quite like this in your entire life. Some people are saying this man has created the prototype "template" for how quality people will meet other quality people in the  first 100-years of the next millennium!

What makes this ad so different? It's impossible to explain. You'll have to read it for yourself to understand. You can do so by getting on the Internet and going to: 

Gosh, that's an intriguing little ad, ain't it? That ad is being used two ways. About 300 of them were prepared in press release format and have been sent to about 300 newspapers. Also, I am paying to run the ad in dozens (if not hundreds) of other publications. That little ad is forcing tens of thousands of people to go to my website. What happens when they get there? Well, what they find is a website so-easy-to-access, so-easy-to-read and so-easy-to-understand... and... so well-written... they read every word of the very long copy to be found on that site.

Try this test: You go to that site ( and you start reading it... and see... if you can stop reading it.

I bet you can't... because... as a writer... I'm just too damn good to lose any of my readers once I've got them started.

Does Your Website
Have This Kind Of Quality?

I bet it doesn't. Also, I bet the website of your ace "website designer" can't stand up to this kind of competition either.

But, that is a website designed for personal reasons. Could I possibly do as well with a website designed solely for commercial reasons?

Never You Fear My Dear
When Semihandsome Gary Is Here!

Here's another little ad I want you to read. It has already appeared in Investor's Business Daily and may appear there again from time to time.

Free Website Reveals How To Make Huge Profits In Nasdaq
Stocks During The First 47 Minutes The Market Is Open!

If you trade Nasdaq stocks, this will be the most important message you will ever read.

Here is why: Every morning there is a certain pattern that happens in the Nasdaq market during the first 47-minutes of trading. When you understand this pattern, you can buy stocks at approximately 9:07 a.m. (Eastern Standard Time) and sell at approximately 10:17 a.m. (Eastern Standard Time) and, make substantial profits...

Every Single Day The
Market Is Open!

This does not work with NYSE stocks, AMEX stocks... or... "pink sheet" or OTC:BB stocks. It is only reliable when you are trading Nasdaq stocks. You cannot profit from this system unless you trade online... and... you MUST have the ability to get a live, up-to-the-minute, "auto-refreshing" intraday graph.


However, if you know how to use these simple tools and, you have the ability to focus on the market for approximately one hour each morning, there is no limit to the amount of Nasdaq stock profits you can make. This means you can get out of bed at 9:00 a.m., watch the market and trade until about 10:47... and then... go back to sleep a happier and richer person.

By the way, you also have to watch CNBC from 9:00 a.m. until 9:30 a.m. when the market opens.

Would you like to know how to do this? It's easy to find out. All you have to do is go to a free website, read what it says... and then... you will be ready to start making the most profitable trades of your life. But, you'd better hurry. This message will be removed from the website in just a few more days. Here's the free website address: 

This ad was designed to force the readers to go to another of my websites and when they got there, here is the message they found:


Welcome To GHLstockalert! 

Here Is A Little-Known Secret
That Can Help You Make Serious
Profits Trading Nasdaq Stocks

Imagine the market has closed for the day and a certain stock closed for the session with a price of 20 1/8 per share. 

Now imagine, after the market has closed, a sensational news story comes out about that company whose stock closed today at 20 1/8.

Let's say the FDA has given the company in question approval to market an amazing new cure for baldness.  This new cure is a simple pill that will grow a full head of hair on a man's head in less than 30 seconds and there are no harmful side effects.

We don't have to guess what is going to happen to the share price of this company's stock.  It is literally going to skyrocket in price.

Unfortunately, this jump in price is going to occur before the market opens tomorrow morning... and... before you have a chance to buy that stock at anything approaching the 20 1/8 price where it closed today.

When the story comes out, what will happen is thousands and thousands of people will call their brokers and put in buy orders for Baldness Cure, Inc.  Their brokers will be happy to accommodate them and tell their customers they will buy the shares "at market" for them as soon as the market opens tomorrow morning.

Then, in the meantime, all those brokerage houses (who CAN buy stocks before and after the market opens) will purchase huge blocks of Baldness Cure, Inc. for their OWN inventory.  And, tomorrow morning, they will open that stock at as high a price as the market will bear.

Let's say that opening price will be approximately $35.00 per share.

This means that many brokers will make as much as $15.00 per share on this stock...

The Very First Minute 
The Market Is Open!

And what will happen to the share price of Baldness Cure, Inc. right after the open?  The answer is simple: It will PLUNGE downward in price.  An intraday graph of that stock will look like the graph of a rock that has been thrown off a cliff.

Why will this happen?  Because all those brokers who made up to $15.00 per share as soon as the market opened... will now...

"Sell Short" Thousands Of 
Shares Of That Stock!

This will exert enormous downward pressure on the shares of Baldness Cure, Inc.  Now, imagine Ma & Pa Kettle who bought 10,000 shares and are watching those shares drop as much as $7.00 per share... the first few minutes the market is open!

What do they do?  They panic!  There goes their retirement money.  There goes the Winnebago and all those vacations they had planned.  They decide to cut their losses, call their broker and enter an hysterical sell order.

The stock plunges down further.  Now, it's at $26.00 per share... which is down $9.00 from the opening.

But... all of a sudden it stops falling.  The graph will look like it hit a cement floor, flattened out... and then... started to go back up.  Why is the price now going up?  Because... all those brokers who sold the stock short...

Are Now Covering Their "Shorts."

They have to do this.  You see, the price of a company's stock is going to go wherever it deserves to go... and... the brokers can't stop this from happening.  What they can do however, is put up temporary "toll-booths" and "speed bumps" every inch of the way.

So, how do you profit from all this?  Easy, you turn on CNBC about 9:00 a.m. (East Coast Time)  and listen to Marie who will be yelling at your screen from the bowels of the New York Stock Exchange.  What she will be yelling about is what different stocks will be doing in "pre-market" Instinet trading.  In this case, she will be yelling about how Baldness Cure, Inc. will open 15 points up because of FDA approval for their new cure for baldness.

You don't buy Baldness Cure, Inc. at the open.  You watch it.  You watch it open high at 35 and then watch it plunge down to maybe 26.  Then, you watch the price flatten out and start to go back up.

This Is Your Buy Signal

You buy shares of Baldness Cure, Inc. and watch as the share price starts to go back up.  Probably you will be buying at approximately 9:37 East Coast Time.

The stock goes up, stutters and then starts to fluctuate.  This is your "SELL" signal... and... it will probably happen at approximately somewhere between 10:10 a.m. and 10:20 a.m. East Coast Time.

This phenomenon happens every single trading day of the year.  Get a live intraday graph and observe this phenomenon for a few days... and then... after you've observed it 10 or 20 times, you should be able to start making profitable trades based on this phenomenon... every day the market is open!

What you have just read is the SECOND best secret for trading Nasdaq stocks.  Is there an even better secret?  Yes, there is.  The best secret of all is to become a subscriber to our GHLstockalert Announcement List.  So far GHLstockalert has notified it's subscribers of 15 different stock picks... and... every single stock had a substantial increase in price within 10 days of GHLstockalert making the recommendation.

That's no guarantee this will continue to happen.  Past performance is not a guarantee of future results.  However, we challenge anyone... to even come close to us... when it comes to choosing good stocks to buy!

GHLstockalert carries no advertising (you will never see a banner ad on our website) and we NEVER accept money, stock or any other kind of remuneration for making a buy recommendation.

We Are Completely Independent 
And There Is No Charge Whatsoever For
Being On Our Email Announcement List

If you trade Nasdaq stocks and you are not signed up as a subscriber to our GHLstockalert Announcement List, you are truly missing the boat.  It's easy to sign up.  Just click below and sign up right now!

Click Here To Subscribe To The

GHLstockalert Announcement List 



As you can see, this copy was designed to convince the reader to sign up as a subscriber to that site... which for reasons I won't go into here... means mucho fungolas for me. By the way, there is now a different message on that particular site which is why I reproduced it for you in this newsletter.

Now, you listen to this: Almost everyone who brags about a website, brags about the "Hits" they are getting. Not me. Instead of telling you about how many visits I got, what I want to tell you is...

40% Of The People
Who Visited This Website
Signed Up As Subscribers!

Do you know how exceptional a 40% "conversion" rate is when you are talking about a website? It's actually maybe... 10,000 times higher... than normal! Why did I get such great results? It's because of the COPY on the website! It was the COPY... the COPY... the COPY... the COPY!

OK, enough. I've had my fun. My ranting for this issue is finished and I'm going to switch to something of a totally different nature.

My biological father died in 1978. He was only 59. He and I were never really close. However, my Dad had a younger brother named Jack. The first memory I have in my entire life is that of my Uncle Jack taking me for a ride on the handlebars of his bicycle. My Uncle Jack is now 73 years old. He lives down in the Florida Keys with his wife Wanda and they have a super-nice house. We share the house. He and Wanda have the top of the house and I have the bottom.

Jack moved to the Keys because of me. Back in the 70's, I invited him to visit me in Florida, whereupon I took him to Bimini in one of my first boats, the trusty "Chicken-of-the-Sea." Jack loved Bimini, loved Florida and especially, loved the Florida Keys. He returned to "West-By-God-Virginia" just long enough to pack his stuff, move his family down here to the Keys, and has been living here, happy as a pig-in-shit ever since. Jack ran a crawfish boat, dabbled in real estate and spent a lot of time on a floating barge building breakwater jetties in and around the city of Marathon. This means he spent a lot of time in the sun.

Really a lot.

He developed various skin cancers. Most of them were Basil Cell cancers which never spread. But, at least one of them on his back was a Melanoma which was removed in 1996 and covered with a skin graft. They thought they got it all... but... maybe they didn't.

Anyway, about two months ago, Uncle Jack started losing weight and feeling listless... so... he went in for a physical. The X-ray showed spots on his lungs and they scheduled him for an MRI. When the results came back, the doctor wanted a personal consultation with my uncle and Jack asked me to go with him.

I did and, when the doctor came into the room, I knew in a micro-second what the scoop was. The doctor seemed like a good and compassionate man and it was obvious he didn't want to tell my uncle the news. But, of course, eventually, he had no other choice. The short of it is, my Uncle Jack has cancer. In his liver. His kidneys. His adrenals. His pulmonary system. His stomach. His back. Everywhere.

Jack has not been defeated by this. Nor have I. Uncle Jack still takes care of his property, does his chores as best he can and he trucks around with me looking at boats and stuff. He hasn't lost his sense of humor either. The other day I told him, "Jack, it could be worse."

"How?" he asked incredulously.

"It could be me!" I replied.

He cracked up with laughter. (By the way, that's an old Johnny Carlton line.)

You know, ever since I can remember, Jack and I have shared a private, secret, inane joke. It's in the form of a question, "If your Uncle Jack was on a roof and his ladder fell down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?"

I know, I know. It's incredibly feeble but, it's something Jack and I have laughed about ever since I was a kid.

I don't know where this situation will lead but, I intend to be here for him every step of the journey he needs me.

Oddly, this situation has not depressed me. I don't feel pity for my Uncle Jack and he doesn't want or need any. He's had a good life, he's got a slice more of it left and, the fact of the matter is...

We Are All Terminal

It took J.F.K., Jr. perhaps 45-seconds to go from being on top of the world to the bottom of the sea in a watery grave. It took Christopher Reeves a micro-second to go from being Superman to being almost totally paralyzed. If history is any guide, none of us are gonna get out of this alive. Not only that, for many of us, our visit on this ball of mud is going to become agonizingly miserable just when we least suspect it.

Uncle Jack's situation has, in a weird way, "energized" me. I have always had a huge earning capacity but, mostly, I have squandered that capacity, making only enough money to satisfy my current needs and whimsies. (Is that a word, "whimsies"?) I'm in pretty good health (I think, knock on wood) but, the truth is, I could be in a helluva lot better shape. Plus, I'm not having enough fun. I keep putting "having fun" off until I complete some new goal or some series of bullshit chores. Anyhow, I have now made three iron-clad resolutions:

1. To Make Really A Lot Of Money And Make It Real Fast!
2. To Get As Healthy And As Physically Fit As I Can Be!
3. To Start Having Some Hard-Core Fun... And... Having It Right Now!

As far as the fun is concerned, I'm pretty sure my website ( will spice up my life a teensy bit.

As far as getting as healthy and physically fit as I can, I have rented myself a small office (as a hideaway place to write) which is... right next door... to the gym where the Nazi Bitch tortures my body.

Finally, as far as making a lot of money... and... making it fast... I guess I'll just go back to doing it one of the main ways I used to do it. In other words, now, for the first time in years, I'm going to take on a few clients so...


If you need a sales letter or a space ad written... call me!


If you need a website designed (I'm doing one now for Nascar)... call me!


If you need a telephone consultation... call me!


If you want to visit me here in Florida for a person-to-person consultation... call me!
l       If you have money and time but no project... call me! (I've got some doozies for you to    make money with!)
l       Hell, if you're old, rich, terminally ill and need someone to leave all your fungolas to... then...    you be sure to call me!

Just call (305) 534-7577 and leave your message for Roxanne. She'll call you back and set up an appointment call between us (I refuse to play "telephone tag" any more) and we'll discuss your project. I'll give you my opinion of its viability, whether or not I think I can help you and how much my help will cost you. 

Think about it. But...

Don't Think About
It Too Long!

Whenever I announce I am taking on clients again, my schedule fills up real, real fast!

   Gary C. Halbert
  Web Wizard

P.S. I would have gotten into website marketing earlier... but... I had to wait for Al Gore to invent the Internet first.

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Copyright 2003 Gary C. Halbert.  All Rights Reserved.